A Twin Thing
by Yulliah
Summary: When Jasper finds out he has a sister, a twin sister no less, he can't wait to meet her. He soon finds himself on a plane to London to do just that. But when the doors to the meeting hall open and he finds himself staring into a pair of emerald green eyes, he knows he should turn around and go home immediately.
1. Chapter 1

**Heya and welcome to my new multi-chapter story. I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it!**

**A world of thanks to my amazing beta Harrytwifan who is once again the person who makes my stories pretty and readable for me!**  
**And many praise to KGQ for being an awesome prereader, ass kicker and the best friend one could wish for!**

**A/N; I do not own Twilight and anyone under 18, better stop right here and turn around!**

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"You have_got_ to be fucking kidding me!" I yelled. The middle-aged woman on the other side of the desk, Claudia Burns, looked at me with wide eyes.

"Mr Whitlock, I'm very sorry. Our hands were bound at the time, your parents-" I caught her off with a sneer.

"Don't call them that!" I felt the rage burning through my veins. I couldn't believe what I was being told. "They have never been my parents and they never will be. She_was_! She was my _mother_ and she _wanted_ me! Now you are telling me that she tried to find me, but my- _they_ wouldn't allow my own mother to see me?" I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers and inhaled deeply.

"Mr Whitlock, I'm sorry, they were legally your parents and they had that right until you turned 18. I understand this is very difficult-"

"_Difficult_?" I snapped at her. The look on her face was pleading and I knew it wasn't her fault, but I was barely holding myself together. "_Difficult_? That's a fucking understatement. Three days ago, my so-called _parents_ tell me I'm adopted. Three days! I came here, wanting to know where I come from, who my_real_ parents were. Turns out my real mother tried to find me, wanted me, was here in this very same room 10 years ago, begging you to let her see me. Now you tell me she's dead, that she died mere months before my 18th birthday! You call that fucking _difficult_?" I slumped down in a chair feeling utterly spent.

"There's more," Claudia said and my head shot up to look her in the eyes. "You weren't the only child Ms. Hale gave up for adoption. You have a sister; a _twin_ sister. If you wish, I could contact her and ask her if she would want to meet you." She eyed me cautiously; afraid I was going to snap again. I didn't. All I could do was sit there and stare at her. For one, my earlier outburst had drained me of all energy. Secondly, this new knowledge had me frozen in my seat. A sister. No, a _twin_ sister! I had a twin!

Trying hard to pull my shit together, I nodded at Claudia. "Yes, I would very much like that," I croaked, my voice sounding weak and broken.

"Okay, Mr Whitlock, I'll contact her today and get back to you as soon as I get an answer. I really am, sorry I mean, I'm really sorry for your loss," she said as she got up from behind her desk and made her way over to me, a crumpled white envelope in her hand. "She wrote to you, your mother. A few days before she died, she came here, sick and weak. She tried to hold out until you and your sister were 18, but she didn't have the strength left. She gave me two letters, one for you and one for your sister. She instructed me to give you your letter should you ever come here looking for her."

I took the envelope from her and ran my fingers over the heavy paper. I could feel tears forming in my eyes and wiped them with the back of my hand. "Thank you," I whispered as she laid her hand on my shoulder.

"I have something else for you," she said as she pulled a folded sheet of paper from her back pocket. "This is the address and plot number of your mother's grave. Listen, Jasper. I've gotten to know your mother a little over the months leading to her death. If you ever want to talk about her, I'm here, okay?"

She squeezed my shoulder and gave me the piece of paper. After a moment of silence she pulled me into a hug, a warm and genuine hug. It felt so good, so safe. I couldn't hold it in any longer and tears rolled down my cheeks. Claudia's small hands rubbed circles on my back as I let it all out. The hurt, the betrayal, the loss and the loneliness.

After what may have been hours, I pulled away from her. I didn't want to, but I knew I should. I was a Whitlock, and a Whitlock didn't hug practical strangers like that. I awkwardly cleared my throat, not knowing what I should do next.

"I mean it, Jasper. Whenever you want to talk, I'll be here," she said and smiled at me. "Whether I hear back from your sister or not, I'll call you on Friday."

I threw her the best smile I could manage, though I was sure it was still weak. "Thank you, Claudia, I'd appreciate that," I said, and with a small nod I left her office.

.

At home, I pulled a beer from my fridge and fell back on the couch. Taking a large gulp from the bottle, I closed my eyes. The last couple of days had been one hell of a roller-coaster ride. My thoughts drifted back to the conversation that had awoken this whole mess.

_I was nervous as hell, sitting at my parent's dinner table. I knew I was going to have to tell them, I'd waited long enough. Sweat covered my back and I had trouble swallowing the perfectly prepared salmon. Not that the exquisite taste of the meal was even registered by my brain. Once again I looked around the silent table. My mother's eyes were fixed on me, like she knew something was going on. My father, however, only had eyes for his plate, always oblivious to the tension at the table._

_"Jasper, dear, don't you like your salmon? You want the chef to prepare you something else?" my mother asked. I shook my head._

_"No," I started. My voice sounded hoarse, so I cleared my throat. "No, thank you, Mother. The salmon tastes fine."_

_My mother raised an eyebrow and kept her eyes locked to mine. "Are you ill?" She wrinkled her nose. "You should have said so. I cannot catch a cold, Jasper. Do you know how busy my schedule is this week? If you were ill, you shouldn't have come," she said._

_I was feeling a little ill, but I wasn't sick. Well, I wasn't sick in the medical sense of the word. I was basically scared shitless of my parents' reaction when I told them my big secret. Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock, my parents, were socialites. They both came from money-a lot of money. Their life, and by extension mine, revolved around money, power and above all else, status. My secret would certainly not help their pristine reputation._

_I knew that my parents must love me, in their own way. They showed me as much, with gifts and compliments for my accomplishments. They weren't the warm kind of parents you saw on television. That was okay, as they were very busy people. They made sure I was well cared for. For example, when I was a child, I had a really nice nanny. Carmen had been my best friend throughout my childhood and adolescence. She loved me, even though at times I made her life hell. Especially when I was a teenager. I hadn't always agreed with her rules. God, I missed her. This would've been so much easier with her around. I knew she wouldn't care, she would support me anyway. She wasn't here though; she died in a car crash when I was 17._

_"No, mother, I'm not sick," I answered my mother's scrutinizing stare._

_"Well, then," she said, "out with it. I haven't got the slightest idea what on earth could be wrong, but something is clearly bothering you."_

_I inhaled deeply and held my breath for a couple of seconds._

_"I'm gay."_

_My mother gasped and my father's head shot up. His eyes, filled with confusion, met mine._

_"I'm sorry, what?" he asked._

_"I'm gay," I repeated._

_My mother held her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, I saw something familiar in them. Something I had previously only seen there when she looked at poor people. Disgust._

_My father was still confused, though. "I don't understand," he said, slightly shaking his head._

_"I'm gay, Father," I said a little louder. "What is there to understand? I like cock!"_

_My mother was suddenly on her feet. "Don't you dare use that language in my house, Jasper!" she shouted. "I don't understand how you could do this to us? Haven't we given you everything? You ungrateful little bastard! We've brought you into our home, fed you, clothed you, gave you an education! This is how you repay us? You go and disgrace us like this?"_

_I was shocked. What on earth did she mean by 'bringing me into their home'? "W-what?"_

_She just went on. "This is just sick, Jasper! You will go home and think this through very carefully. You are welcome back in this house when you remember who you are, and apologize to me and your father."_

_I got to my feet and hit the table with my fist. "I didn't forget who I am, Mother!" I yelled. "I didn't choose to be gay! This IS who I am! I am still your son!" My mother turned away from me, throwing her hands up in the air. "I am STILL you son, Mother!"_

_She spun back around. "You never were my son, Jasper," she said coldly. "You were adopted. Now get out. You are no longer welcome in our house. I don't even know who you are any more. Get out and don't bother coming back."_

_With those words, she left the dining room and shut the door behind her. I looked at my father, who was still sitting dumbstruck in his char._

_"Father, please," I begged, but he wouldn't even meet my eyes as he got up and made his way to the door._

_"Father," I started again, but his harsh words cut me off._

_"You are no son of mine," he said before he opened the door and walked out without looking back._

I opened my eyes and took another gulp of beer. The memory still hurt. It felt like daggers stabbing at my heart. I now wondered if they ever really loved me, and my conclusion was no. Claudia told me about the adoption. Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock wanted a child; no, not really wanted, but needed. No one could know that Victoria Caroline van Durenburg-Whitlock and James Carl Whitlock the Third were unable to have children. They didn't want a normal child. No, they wanted a child from a wealthy family, even if it was a bastard.

My real mother, Charlotte Hale, came from such a family. She was only 16 years old when she got pregnant. Her parents sent her off to a distant relative to give birth and put me up for adoption._ '__They __put __US __up __for __adoption__,'_ I corrected myself.

I was merely a way of keeping up appearances to my so-called parents. They never gave a shit about me. They just dumped me into Carmen's loving hands and stayed away from me. I could see that now. As long as I was doing what they wanted me to do, I could be their son. Being gay was not something they wanted me to be, so they would no longer call themselves my parents. Not that I even wanted them to.

After the confrontation, three days ago, they froze my family account. Luckily, I didn't need their money; I had my own. I was a successful plastic surgeon. It wasn't the career I chose for myself; I wanted to specialize in trauma surgery. But a Whitlock couldn't be some unknown trauma surgeon in some local hospital. A Whitlock wasn't born to help others. He was born to help himself, make lots of money and above all, add to his parents' status.

My private clinic tucked tummies, straightened already straight noses, enlarged boobs and injected Botox. Anything for the rich and famous, as long as they paid me generously for it. What Mr. and Mrs Whitlock didn't know, was that I spent half my time in the free clinic downtown. There, I used my skills to do good. I helped people, real people. Not the fake ones that came through my private clinic, but the people in the streets. People that needed me to fix their scarred faces and their children's harelips. Women that needed me to give them breasts after they lost one to cancer. Only a month ago, I gave a child a new nose after she was caught in the crossfire between a gang and the police. A stray bullet hit her and destroyed her once-beautiful, innocent face. That was what got me through my days. The work in the free clinic made my life worth living.

I wondered if my real mother would be proud of me. I didn't know a thing about her, other than that she had wanted me. Would she be disgusted by me if she knew I was gay? Did she love me unconditionally? Did she love my father? Did he even know about me?

I raised the bottle of beer to my lips, but it was empty. I set it back on the table and noticed the white envelope again. I put it there when I got home, not knowing if I should open it or not. Heck, I still didn't know. What if she was a snob, like Victoria and James? She did come from wealth, just like them. Would I want to know? Or was it better to just imagine her as the perfect mother, the mother I always wanted?

I sat there, staring at the envelope well into the night, until I fell asleep on the couch.

The next couple of days were empty. I worked, both at my own clinic and the free clinic, but I worked on autopilot. I couldn't distract myself; every free moment I had, my mind wandered off to my unknown sister and the white envelope on my coffee table. I hadn't opened it yet, still not sure if I ever would. I did catch myself on my way home from work, driving towards the cemetery where my mother's grave was located. I never actually entered, though.

On Friday I called in sick, as I was nervous as hell. Would my sister want to meet me? What would she be like? What was her life like? Did her adoptive parents love her? I wished Claudia would call, already. This expense was tearing me up.

She didn't call until the late afternoon, but her excited words made up for all my anxiety.

_"__Jasper__! __I __have __great __news__!"_ she yelled into my ear as soon as I answered the phone._ "__She __wants __to __meet __you__, __soon__!"_

"Wow, that's great, Claudia. How does she want to do this? Meet up over lunch? Or maybe dinner? My schedule is quite hectic, but I'll find time, I'll _make_ time." I was babbling, but I didn't care. My sister wanted to meet me!

_"__Well__, __Jasper__, __you __would __probably __need __to __clear __a __bit __more __of __your __schedule__. __I __forgot __to __tell __you__, __but __your __sister __doesn__'__t __live __in __California__. __She __doesn__'__t __even __live __in __the __United __States__. __Her __adoptive __parents __moved __to __England __nearly__ 15 __years __ago__."_

This stilled the excitement that had bloomed in my heart only seconds ago. I had a sister. Family. I wasn't alone. But she was so far away; I might as well be alone.

_"__Jasper__? __Are __you __still __there__?"_ Claudia asked.

"Yeah, I am, just a bit shocked I guess." I answered her weakly.

_"__I __know __this __isn__'__t __a __perfect __situation__, __Jasper__,"_ she said,_ "__but __she __really __wants __to __meet __you__. __She__'__s __invited __you __to __come __to __England __and __stay __with __her __and __her __fiancé__. __She __said __she__'__d __love __to __come __to __you__, __but __her __grandmother __is __very __ill__, __so __she __doesn__'__t __feel __like __she __can __leave __the __country __right __now__."_

I could certainly understand that. When Carmen was in the hospital after her accident, fighting for her life, Victoria and James practically dragged me to Hawaii. Pain, sickness, death - nothing could stop the Whitlocks from going on their annual holiday. When we got back, Carmen had died. I didn't get to say goodbye to her and I wasn't allowed to go to her funeral. I cried for weeks, but Victoria held her ground. She told me it was my own fault I was hurting, I shouldn't have become so attached to an employee.

I ran my fingers through my hair and started clearing my schedule in my head. I could certainly leave my own clinic for a couple of weeks; I had enough good surgeons working for me to keep it running for a while. The free clinic was a different story; I needed to find a solution for that one.

"I'll try and get a few weeks off as soon as possible. In the meantime, is there any way I could contact… Shit! I don't even know her name!" I cried out in frustration.

_"__Rose__. __It__'__s __Rose__. __Rosalie __Mary __Warren__,"_ Claudia quickly told me,_ "__and __she __said __I __could __give __you __her __phone __number__, __so __you __two __can __make __further __arrangements__."_

_'__Rosalie __Mary __Warren__, __my __sister__.'_ A warm feeling spread through me, as if she just became real. I quickly wrote down the phone number and promised to call Rosalie soon.

"Thank you, Claudia. Thank you for all that you're doing for me," I said.

_"__You__'__re __very __welcome__, __Jasper__, __but __there__'__s __no __need __to __thank __me__," _she replied._ "__Now __go __and __call __your __sister__."_

After I hung up, I immediately did. It was a very awkward conversation, but she sounded genuinely excited to meet me. Her voice was warm and melodious. We talked for a bit and I promised to call her as soon as I knew when I could come to England.

Next, I made phone calls to clear my schedule. I called a surgeon I knew from medical school and hired him to take over my work at the free clinic for a while. He was a good surgeon and I had no problem paying him out of my own pocket. I booked a ticket on-line for the upcoming week and called Rosalie back to let her know when I would arrive.

This was a good thing. For the first time in I don't know how long, I didn't feel alone.

.

When the plane touched down, I opened my eyes and thanked God for our safe landing. I didn't like flying. I actually hated it. There was so much that could go wrong up there. Besides that, if a boat sank, I could at least swim. If a train was about to crash, I could theoretically jump off and walk away. But I could not fly. High up in the air, I was helpless, left to the mercy of the pilot and the technology that kept the plane from coming down.

As the lights went on, letting me know I could unbuckle my seatbelt, I moved in my seat. My whole body hurt. Fuck! I was a wreck! That was what thirteen hours of sitting still does to you. Especially if you spent the whole time trying to crush the armrests with your hands, rigid and tensed.

I went through the familiar routine of getting off the plane, picking up my luggage and going through customs. When I went through the double sliding doors into the main hall, the first thing I saw were two clear blue eyes. I knew those eyes very well; they stared at me every morning as I looked in the mirror. These eyes weren't mine, though; they belonged to a woman that looked so much like me it was eerie. Her long blond hair had the exact same touch of honey as mine. She had the same high cheekbones as I did and her lips were the exact same shade of pink.

I knew the moment she noticed me. Her eyes turned wide and her lips parted. She was as surprised by our similarities as I was. When she yanked a man by his arm and he turned around and met my eyes, I knew I was in trouble. Not in an I-stole-a-cookie-and-got-caught kind of trouble, but deep, serious shit.

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**End note; I'll be posting this story on either a weekly or a 2 weekly basis. The first 13 chapters of this story have been written and I'm working hard on the rest. Let me know what you think of it! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you everyone for the lovely reviews!**  
**I'll be replying to them this week!**

**Thank you as well to my lovely KGQ, you always rock my ass into writing!**  
**Also a HUGE thanks to my wonderful Beta Harrytwifan!**

**A/N; I do not own Twilight and really, it seems appropriate for children, but trust me, there is 18+ to come, so get the hell out if you are not an adult!**

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I could only assume this was Edward Cullen, my sister's fiancé. And what was happening all through my body should fucking not be happening! A knot formed in my stomach, a chill shivered down my spine, my throat turned as dry as a desert, and my cock twitched in my pants. The man was gorgeous. His green eyes sparkled like emeralds; his reddish brown hair was all over the place. I wanted to run my fingers through it, I wanted to-_Stop__! __Fucking __stop __right __there__, __Jasper__! __Get __your __fucking __shit __together__!_

I saw Rosalie hurrying towards me, dragging Edward with her. I inhaled deeply and slowly breathed out.

"Jasper! Oh my God, I was afraid I wouldn't know who you were, but it's like looking in a mirror!" my sister yelled as she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I tensed a bit without wanting to.

"Hi, Rosalie," I said, slightly taken aback by her enthusiasm.

"I thought it would be weird, meeting you, but this feels so right," she whispered in my ear.

I wish I could say the same, but this level of intimacy was not something I was used to. Apart from Claudia and Carmen, no one had ever hugged me.

Probably sensing my discomfort, she pulled away from the hug, but she didn't let go of me. She threw one arm over my shoulder and smiled broadly at the man standing a few feet away.

"Honey, come meet Jasper," she said to him. "Jasper, this is the love of my life, soon-to-be husband, Edward."

I shook the hand he held out to me. "Jasper Whitlock," I croaked out. All the nerve endings in my hand tingled from his touch.

"Pleased to meet you, Jasper. I'm Edward Cullen," he replied. His voice was deep and warm, but the English accent was what made my dick twitch again. I pulled away my hand as if I burned myself and he cocked his eyebrow at me.

"My Rose wanted to take you out to a nice restaurant, but I thought you would fancy a shower before supper," he said. "But it's really up to you, Jasper." He threw me a wide smile. It was wonderfully crooked and made me want to kiss those lush lips.

_Fucking __hell__, __Jasper__. __You __can__'__t __go __lusting __after __your __sister__'__s __fiancé__! __Stop __it __right __the __fuck __now__!_

"Thank God," I chuckled. "I've been up since yesterday morning, as I didn't get any sleep on the plane. I'm afraid I'd fall asleep with my head in a bowl of soup if we were to go to a restaurant now."

Rosalie laughed wholeheartedly and guided me towards the exit. "Don't worry. We'll fix you up some dinner and then you can get some well-deserved sleep," she said. "Edward, honey, could you get Jasper's suitcase?"

Looking back, I saw him roll his eyes, but he still picked up my case and followed after us.

.

I must have fallen asleep on our way to London, because I woke as we pulled up to a wonderful house.

"Rose, wake up, we're home," I heard Edward whisper. I guess I wasn't the only one who drifted off. I tried to throw a secret peek at Edward through the rear view mirror, but I lingered on his face too long and he caught me. He winked at me and I gasped, quickly averting my eyes. I swore I heard him chuckle softly.

Rosalie stretched in the front seat and yawned slightly. "Edward, would you bring in Jasper's luggage? Then I'll show him to his room."

Edward reached out his hand and caressed her cheek. "No baby, you just go in and sit down. You've been at Nana's side all night; you hardly had any rest all week. I can show Jasper the guest room and make us something to eat right after."

I hit myself in the forehead and apologized. "Oh God, I forgot! I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, Rosalie. How is she doing?" I asked, and mentally slapped myself again. _How __could __you __be __so __inconsiderate__, __Jasper__? __You __were __lusting __after __her __man__, __is __how__! __You__'__re __lucky __she __didn__'__t __put __you __on __the __first __flight __back__!_

"It's okay, Jasper. You just flew across an ocean. Don't beat yourself up about it," Rose said and I felt even more guilty. "She's not doing great, but she's stable at the moment."

"I-I don't even know-," I started. "What's wrong with her?"

Rosalie smiled weakly. "Old age, mostly, she's 98. I know that she's had a very full and loving life, but I just can't imagine mine without her in it. We pushed up the wedding date in the hope that she would be able to be there, but it doesn't look like she'll make it." I could see a tear fall down her cheek. I didn't want her to be sad, so I reached out to wipe it away with my thumb. As soon as I realized what I was doing, I quickly pulled back my hand. You can't go around wiping people's tears away. I mean, she was my sister, but I didn't really know her yet, did I?

Rosalie wiped her own cheek with her sleeve and Edward opened his car door.

"Let's go inside," he said and got out of the car. Rosalie and I got out as well and I followed her to the door as Edward got my suitcase from the trunk.

Once inside I let my eyes wander. This house looked nothing like mine, nor did it look similar to the cold expensive mansion I grew up in. This was a home - a real home. The floors were made of warm chestnut, colorful and old-fashioned wallpaper covered the far wall, while the others were painted in a soft, creamy white. Through the open double doors on my left I could see a fireplace with pictures of smiling people on it. Rosalie was there, fluffing the huge cream colored pillows of the couch before she sat down. The open door on my right showed a light country kitchen in yellow and lime green. It smelled like fresh flowers and apple pie, my two favorite smells in the world.

I was still standing in the doorway when Edward came up behind me. He placed a hand on my back to let me know he was there and wanted to go inside. I immediately jerked away from his warm touch and spun around. The sun was low in the sky, shining through his hair, making it look like a coppery halo. My throat felt like sandpaper as I tried to swallow and I quickly looked away.

He walked passed me to the stairs, suitcase in hand. "Come on, I'll show you where you can freshen up for supper," he called over his shoulder. I had trouble moving, though, as I now had full view of his ass. I could see his strong muscles moving through his tight jeans as he started climbing the steps. Suddenly, he stopped and turned his head. I was still standing near the door and more embarrassingly, I was still staring at his ass.

My eyes shot up to meet his as he coughed and I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. "Are you coming, Jasper?" he asked and I rushed to the stairs, desperately trying to hide the bulge in my pants. He led me to a large room at the end of the hall. It was dominated by a beautiful antique double bed and had an attached bathroom. Edward placed my suitcase at the foot of the bed and turned to face me.

"I hope the room is to your liking?" he asked and I nodded, still slightly embarrassed.

"Splendid! Now if you will excuse me, I'll be in the kitchen, should you need anything," he said, before making his way back downstairs.

I let myself fall back on the bed and sighed deeply. What the hell did I get myself into now? There was no way I could spend four weeks in the company of this man. He was fucking sex-on-legs and I wanted to ravish him until he screamed out my name. How the hell could I be doing this to my sister? What kind of guy was I? Right about now, I was thoroughly disgusted with myself. This needed to stop!

"Jasper?" I groaned and opened my eyes to see the man standing in the doorway. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you," he said hesitantly.

"No, no, it's fine! I'm just sore all over from the flight," I quickly said when he started to leave.

"Oh, well, I could elevate some of the pain if you wish. Turn over," he said. My shock must have been clearly readable on my face, because he quickly added; "I _am_ a chiropractor, Jasper. It would only take a minute."

I reluctantly rolled over, as I really couldn't say no. The man was a professional and I wasn't going to let him in on the reason I didn't want him touching me. Or better phrased, the reason I_shouldn__'__t_ want him touching me. The moment his hands were on my back, I regretted not saying no. I could feel the strength and warmth of his hands through the thin fabric of my shirt. As he kneaded my tight muscles, my skin tingled and my cock started to show interest. I couldn't hold back a moan as his hands massaged down my spine. When he reached the small of my back, I involuntarily ground my hips into the soft mattress.

Edward stilled his hands on my back and coughed. "Better?" he asked. His voice sounded hoarse and when I turned my head to look at him, I saw something burning in his eyes. I wasn't quite sure what it was, but before I could figure it out, he closed his eyes. When he opened them again, it was gone. Maybe it hadn't even been there. Maybe I was just seeing things that weren't there. It must be the lack of sleep.

I flexed the muscles in my back; it actually did feel a lot better. "Yes, much better," I answered in a surprised tone.

"Well, I'll leave you to your rest then," he said and walked out the room. Before he could close the door, I remembered something.

"Edward?" He turned around, his eyes not meeting mine. "You were going to ask me something?"

For a moment, confusion spread across his face, but then he seemed to remember why he came back up here.

"Ah, yes. I wanted to know if you liked lasagna. I could prepare something else."

"Oh no, I love lasagna!" I said with a broad smile.

"Splendid!" he said and closed the door behind him.

I waited until I heard sounds from the kitchen before I got up and got undressed. The massage obviously got me hard as rock. I'd better take that shower ice cold. I only considered rubbing one out for a second. I would never be able to face my sister if I jerked off to the image of her fiancé.

Before I went downstairs, I unpacked my suitcase. After my clothes were neatly put away, my eyes caught the white envelope. In a spur of the moment I had packed it, not wanting to leave it on the coffee table at home. I still hadn't read it. I opened the bottom drawer on my night stand, carefully placed it inside, and left the room.

At dinner I was able to behave myself and reign in my hormones better. I mostly ignored Edward, except to exchange pleasantries about the food and to answer him whenever he asked me a direct question. Never once did I meet his eyes. I asked Rosalie all about her youth and her adoptive parents. It turned out hers had been far better than mine. She grew up in a loving family. Her parents were kind and gentle people. They made sure that Rosalie felt welcome and loved, every day telling her how lucky they were.

The only reason she hadn't met our mother was because her grandmother said no. Rosalie's parents were both shot to death in a mugging a few months before the agency called that Charlotte was looking for her daughter. Her grandmother decided that at this very tumultuous time in her life, Rosalie couldn't handle going to the United States to meet her birth mother.

My sister always knew she was adopted, though her parents never made her feel any less than their own. After their death, she moved in with her grandmother, in this very same house. They had a very close bond and I could see she was having a hard time accepting her grandmother's mortality.

"So how about you? What has your life been like?" she asked me over dessert. The homemade apple pie I had smelled coming through the door suddenly lost its taste. I placed my fork back on the plate and slightly pushed the half-eaten pie away from me.

"My life's been fine so far. Not much to tell, really. I guess I was lucky to be adopted by a wealthy couple. I had everything I wanted, could mostly do whatever I wanted. Just a regular life," I said, staring at my hands.

I could feel tears well up at the memory of the sheer loneliness I felt all my life. From what my sister told me, I knew that not every child grew up the way I did. I couldn't break down, though; I wouldn't break down. Despite recent events, I was still raised a Whitlock. And a Whitlock didn't show weakness, a Whitlock didn't cry. I closed my eyes and inhaled sharply, trying to will the tears away.

A hand gently covered mine and my eyes shot back open. Rosalie was looking at me with concern in her eyes. Her arm stretched across the table to touch me in comfort.

"You can tell me what it really was like, Jasper. There's no reason to keep up appearances here. I want to get to know you. I want to know the real Jasper, not Jasper James Whitlock," she said softly, making me wince.

"I'm sorry, Rosalie, I can't," I said, as I pulled back my hands and folded them in my lap. Hurt flashed through her eyes and I felt something stabbing at my heart. Guilt. I put that hurt there. She wanted to comfort me, but I couldn't let her in, I wasn't ready. Still, I didn't want her to feel hurt. I reached for her still outstretched hand and gave it a little squeeze. "I want to, it's just that…"

"Shhh," she interrupted me. "It's okay, Jasper, you don't have to tell me right now. Just know that you can."

I gave her a weak smile and looked into her blue eyes, eyes that were so familiar and yet so strange at the same time. Edward coughed and stood up from his chair.

"Jasper, would you care for some tea?" he asked me.

"No, thank you, Edward. I'm exhausted. If it's okay with the both of you, I'd like to go to my room and go to bed."

They both wished me a good night and I went up to my room. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was asleep.

I dreamt about the night I came out to my adoptive parents. Only this time, Edward and Rosalie were sitting at the table with us. After Victoria and James walked out of the room, Edward pulled me against his body and Rosalie started screaming.

As Edward's lips crushed to mine, I could hear Victoria's china smash against the walls. I didn't care; all I was interested in was the man in my arms. He ripped open my shirt and his mouth latched on to my bare skin. His mouth wandered down as he pulled down my pants. When his lush lips slid over my hard cock, my sister pulled my head back by my hair.

"I will never, ever forgive you for stealing Edward away from me. You disgust me!"

I shot up straight in bed, feeling disoriented for a moment. When realization set in and I recognized my surroundings, I lay back against the pillows.

I was in seriously deep shit. With a groan, I pulled the sheets over my head. I should stay away from Edward as much as possible over the next few weeks. Far, far,_far_ away!

I stayed in bed as long as I could. After a while, I could hear the sounds of rattling dishes and cupboards closing coming from the kitchen. The old-fashioned clock on the chest of drawers told me it was almost ten in the morning. I reluctantly threw back the sheets and got out of the comforting warmth of the bed. I made my way to the bathroom, took a quick shower, and dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a fitted black t-shirt. Slipping my feet into a comfortable pair of sneakers, I made my way downstairs.

The smells coming from the kitchen were mouthwatering, so I peeked my head through the open door. The sight I was treated to was even more delicious: Edward, wearing only a low hung pair of pajama pants, was making breakfast. His hair was even wilder than it had been the previous day. The tattoo on his upper back read; 'Ego Sum qui sum'. I recognized it as Latin, but didn't know enough Latin to translate it. I planned on looking it up later, though. God, this was a sight I could get used to. I wouldn't and I shouldn't, but I wanted to.

Clearing my throat to let him know I was there, I walked into the kitchen.

Edward spun around and nearly knocked the pan off the burner. He gave me a once over and smiled.

"Good morning," I said in a cheery voice. "Where's Rosalie?"

"Morning, Jasper," he said and quickly turned back to his cooking. "Rose left for the hospital early to visit her grandmother. You'll have to make do with me until half two. I thought you could join me to the high street. I need to pick up some bits and bobs. After that we could go for lunch before we pick up Rose?"

I sat down at the table as he spoke and listened to his voice. I didn't realize he asked me something until he turned towards me and threw me a questioning look. God, I could listen to that voice and that accent all day.

"Uhm, yeah, sure, I guess," I muttered. The silence that followed was a bit awkward. Edward sat two plates of buttered pancakes and a large pot of strawberry jelly on the table and sat down. I was hungry, so I dug in right away. They tasted delicious and I softly moaned.

"Tea?" he asked me, the pot already in hand.

"At the risk of sounding rude, do you have any coffee?" I asked, with a hopefully apologetic look on my face.

Edward chuckled and slightly shook his head before getting up and muttered "Yanks" under his breath.

I was almost finished with my pancakes before he held a steaming mug of coffee under my nose. Another moan left my throat as I closed my eyes and took a whiff. Again I heard him chuckle and my eyes shot open. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks and I quickly took the mug from him. The first few gulps were okay, as it was too hot to really taste it. But as soon as it cooled down a bit and my brain registered what it actually tasted like, I frowned. I took another bite of pancakes to remove any lingering coffee from my mouth.

Slightly shuddering, I looked up at Edward. "It smells like coffee and it looks like coffee, but that is_not_ coffee!" I said, my mouth still crunching at the memory of the horrid taste.

"Well, it's the best I can do. But I could still pour you a cuppa," he answered. I sighed and held out the empty tea cup. With another chuckle he filled it, picked up the Times, and passed me a section.

In silence, we read the paper, finished our pancakes and drank our tea. After breakfast, he went to get dressed while I did the dishes.

Up to my elbows in water and soap, my thoughts drifted off. How nice would it be to have a life like this? To just sit at the breakfast table and contently share a newspaper in comfortable silence. I pictured my own house and imagined what it would be like to have someone living with me there. I made sure I imagined a guy that looked nothing like Edward, but as my fantasy went on, black hair slowly turned auburn and brown eyes took on a bright green shade. Mentally berating myself, I focused my mind on the task of washing and drying the dishes.

.

The rest of the day was spent running errands and thinking about my adoptive parents having sex. Truthfully, it was the only thing that effectively kept my cock limp. Spending time with Edward was both heaven and hell. I couldn't help but sneak peeks at his lean body and beautiful face.

The only truly good thing about the day was Starbucks. At lunch I ordered a cup of coffee, which was just as bad as the coffee Edward gave me this morning. But when I spotted a Starbucks across the street on our way to the hospital, I made him stop the car. Okay, I might have shouted: "STOP!" and caused him to hit the brakes, thinking we were about to run over an old lady. We had a near accident, but the steaming cup of liquid gold was worth crashing a car over.

I wasn't kidding when I told Edward as much after the first satisfying gulp. At home, I would already have been on my 6th cup of the day. I fucking lived on caffeine! He just rolled his eyes and drank his tea.

Rosalie was crying when we picked her up. Her grandmother was looking worse by the day and the doctors said she could die any day now. It shocked me when she pulled me into a hug instead of Edward. She laid her head against my shoulder and sobbed. I wasn't sure what to do, so I gently patted her back. My stance was rigid, though; hugging was definitely not my thing.

When she pulled away from me and threw me a weak smile, I kissed the top of her head. It was a spur of the moment action, but it felt, well, right.

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**Thanks for reading! 3**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you EVERYONE for reading this story and for the lovely reviews! I love every single one of them!  
****Thank you as well to KGQ, my awesome prereader and my equally amazing beta Harrytwifan! I love you both!**

**Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy it!**

**A/N: Twilight is not mine, just the plot!**

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The rest of the week went roughly the same way. I'd dream about Edward, then spend part of the day with him while Rosalie sat with her grandmother. On Friday, though, we all went together. The woman wanted to meet her granddaughter's twin brother.

Sitting beside her bed and talking to her, I felt like a fraud. I wasn't part of her family; I wasn't supposed to be there. These were the last precious moments of her life, and she was wasting them on me, asking me all sorts of questions. She was a wonderful person, though, and I felt honored to meet her.

At the end of the visit, when Edward and Rosalie were quietly talking to the evening nurse, Mrs. Warren grabbed my wrist and pulled me close. "You're a good lad, Jasper; I can see it in your eyes. Take good care of your sister, you both need someone," she whispered.

I cocked my eyebrow in confusion. "Rosalie has someone, Mrs. Warren, she's got Edward," I whispered back.

She let go of me and gave me a sad smile. "I'm not some silly old hat, dear," she croaked. "I can't be fooled. Just promise me, Jasper, promise you'll look after my Rose."

She knew, I don't know how, but she knew I liked Edward. She thought I would ruin their relationship and she still wanted me to be there for Rosalie. This made me feel like even more of a fraud. I swallowed hard and nodded.

"I promise," I whispered.

Her smile widened and she closed her eyes. I looked up to see Rosalie and Edward waiting for me. With one last look at the tiny woman in the hospital bed, I followed them.

.

After a quiet dinner, I excused myself and went to my room. Three more weeks. I could behave myself for that long. After that, I'd go back to LA and stay away from my sister and her fiancé. I know I promised to look after her, but the best way to do that was to make sure she and Edward would be happy together.

Once I made my resolution, it didn't take me long to drift off into yet another Edward-induced dream.

I spent the weekend sightseeing with both of them. It_was_ my first time in England after all. I tried to stare down a guard at the Royal Palace and failed. We had our picture taken at Abbey Road, trying to duplicate the Beatles as closely as two guys and a woman could. And I asked Rosalie to snap a corny I-am-a-giant-leaning-against-the-Big-Ben picture of me. I clicked my camera like a lunatic all over the city, making my fellow American tourists proud.

As we rode a shiny red double-decker bus, Rosalie told me weird facts about London. Seriously, a pregnant woman in London was allowed to take a leak anywhere. In fact, if she asked, a cop would have to give her his hat to pee in. Weird people, these Brits.

We had dinner in a lovely Italian restaurant on Sunday evening and went to see a movie afterwards. All through the weekend, I managed to focus on Rosalie. Edward was there and I was polite and everything, but mostly I tried to pretend he wasn't there. Don't get me wrong, I was still fighting hard-ons the entire time and caught myself staring at him more frequently than I'd like to admit. But all in all, I'd been successful in keeping the lust to a minimum.

Monday started out well. Edward had to get some work done, so Rosalie and I spent the morning looking at her family photographs. She had a happy childhood, I could see it radiating off all the pictures. Her parents were in some of them, hugging her, but most were just Rosalie. Taking a bath, blowing out candles on a birthday cake, taking her first steps, riding a bike, smiling in each and every one of them.

I didn't want to feel sorry for myself, but I couldn't help but realize what I missed out on, growing up with Victoria and James as my parents. Of course I had had Carmen, but she couldn't replace a mother's love.

That afternoon I helped her clean the house, even though she repeatedly told me to sit down and let her do it by herself. It felt good, to actually do something useful for a change. I hadn't felt useful since my last day at the free clinic. Besides that, I wasn't going to laze around and watch Rosalie work her ass off.

Edward came home at around 6pm and brought Chinese take-out. Rosalie would be spending another night in the hospital, so he decided he and I should go out and have some fun. At around 8, we went to a local pub, where we were supposed to meet up with a couple of his friends.

Once I had some practice in getting past my hormonal infatuation for the man, Edward was a lot of fun. He used a lot of words I didn't know before. Sitting at the bar, he was going on and on about some 'chap' he knew who was sent out to buy some 'knickers' for his 'bird'. He was apparently taken for a cross-dresser by the woman at Selfridges. I was doubled up in laughter as he used silly voices and gestured widely with his arms.

Of course, I didn't really get over my little crush; it was mostly the large amounts of alcohol that helped me loosen up. I was already on my fifth pint, steadily getting more and more intoxicated.

I didn't care about a possible hangover in the morning. It had been way too long since I had as much fun as this. Edward's friends welcomed me like I was one of them. They even invited me to join them in a game of 'footy' on Saturday. I assumed this was a game of soccer, which I had only played once in my life, years ago. The guys assured me I'd do fine and promised to make me their 'goaly' if I really sucked. I just hoped a 'goaly' was a goalkeeper and not something humiliating or terrifying.

When the pool table cleared, Emmett challenged me to a game. I played the game regularly in America and was usually quite good, so I accepted. All was going well and without any real effort, I was ahead 3 games to 1. Only then, Edward started showing interest. Whenever I was trying to make a shot, he was there, at the opposite site of the table. His intense stare made me nervous and I started missing easy shots. Already being slightly drunk and getting distracted by my hot future brother-in-law, I didn't win any more games. Emmett won 5 to 3 and teased me endlessly. After a while, Edward winked at me and asked him to cut it out.

As time passed, pints of beer turned into glasses of scotch and by the time the pub owner kicked us to the curb, I had trouble walking. We said goodbye to his friends and Edward pulled my arm over his shoulder and slid his around my waist. With him pressed firmly to my side, supporting my full weight, we stumbled through the streets. Feeling his warmth through both our shirts had my mind going to all sorts of dirty places.

Some guy bumped into Edward and he fell, pulling me with him. I landed half on top of him, my face only inches from his. Before I could stop myself, I leaned in to kiss him. With wide eyes, he pushed me off him.

"Jasper! Did you just try and snog me?" he asked with a frown on his face.

"No, NO! Of course not!" I almost yelled in a panicked tone.

Edward quickly got to his feet and offered me his hand to help me get up. As I grabbed it, he pulled me to my feet.

"Bloody poofters!" someone shouted from nearby.

Seriously, I thought these Brits would speak the same language, but half the time I didn't have a clue what they were saying.

Edward tensed and turned around. "Toss off!" he shouted back at the stranger who gave him the finger. "Wanker!" Edward muttered under his breath.

I needed some distance from him, so that I wouldn't do something stupid, like try and kiss him. _Arch__! __Jasper__, __you __idiot__! __What __were __you __thinking__?_ I tried to take a few steps without his support, but dangerously swayed left and right, barely staying on my feet.

"Oh, come on," Edward said as he steadied me again. "If you get run over in the streets, your sister will never forgive me."

We slowly stumbled our way back to their place. Every once in a while I could hear him softly talking to himself, but I couldn't make out a single word. After he lead me to the guest room and pulled the sheets back, he told me to go to bed. He promised to put a glass of water and some paracetamol by my bed for the morning after.

"Could you also leave me some Tylenol? I feel a hangover coming on," I asked him with a drunken slur. He chuckled and threw me a smile before closing the door behind him.

I was right about that hangover. When I woke up the next morning, my throat was dry and tasted foul. The light coming through the window hurt my eyes, even though they were still closed. Worst of all, my head felt like my brain was trying to push its way through my skull.

I opened my eyes just enough to see a huge glass of water and two small white tablets on the night stand. I quickly swallowed the pills with water and emptied the glass. Why didn't I close the curtains last night? I cursed the sun and pulled the sheets over my head.

I tried to fall back to sleep, but my head was hurting too much. Still, it was nice and comfortable in bed and I didn't really have any plans on leaving it any time soon. The knock on the door sounded like a jack hammer hitting the back of my head, and I groaned.

"Jasper?" Edward asked as he opened the door. Another groan left my throat.

"Jasper, are you awake?" he continued. "I thought you wouldn't be feeling all that well after last night, so I brought you some breakfast to eat in bed. Would you like it now, or should I leave it on your bedside table?"

"No," I grunted, "I'll have it now, thank you. Could you please close the curtains?"

I sat up in bed once the room was dark. Edward sat down next to me on the bed, put the tray in my lap, and turned on the bedside light. On the tray was a plate with croissants, bread rolls and a blueberry muffin. Next to the plate were two glasses; one filled with water, one with orange juice. But the item that really made me smile was the large white paper cup with my now favorite green logo. I looked up at Edward in gratitude.

The room was still only dimly lit, but I could see an amused sparkle in the green eyes.

"I took pity on you," he said, shrugging his shoulders. I grabbed his hand and smiled.

"It's perfect, Edward, thank you," I whispered. Edward looked down at our hands and I quickly pulled mine away, hoping my blush couldn't be noticed in this lighting.

Edward coughed at the same time I cleared my throat and he quickly stood up.

"I'll leave you to it then," he muttered and hurried out of the room.

_Jasper__, __can__'__t __you __fucking __act __like __a __normal __person__?_ I'd done it again; I let my heart take over and acted impulsively. And frankly, that touch was highly inappropriate._Wait__, __what__? __Oh __no__! __I __let __my __dick __take __over__; __my __heart __had __nothing __to __do __with __it__!_

Well, what happened, happened. There was nothing I could change about it now. And even if I could, I would first drink that amazing cup of Starbucks coffee. Nothing was worth letting a good cup of coffee go cold!

.

My breakfast and the long shower I had afterwards successfully brought me back from a state of living death. I felt fresh and my headache was almost gone. I opened a window to let some clean air into the room and took the now empty tray down to the kitchen.

Edward stood in the hallway wearing his coat. He was writing something down on a piece of paper, but looked up when he heard me coming down the stairs.

"Oh, hey, Jasper," he said, throwing his pen in a bowl and crunching the paper in a ball. "I was writing you a note. I had the week off, but they called me, I have to come in for an emergency."

I cocked an eyebrow. "A chiropractic emergency?"

"I er, yeah, couple of Rugby players, I got to er, got to go," he said, opening the door. "Rosalie will be home around half two!" The door closed behind him with a bang.

_Fuck__, __you__'__re __a __fucking __idiot__, __Jasper__!_ I thought. Jesus Christ, did I just run a man out of his own house? He took three weeks off; surely there was another chiropractor that was taking over for him in case of an emergency. If there even _was_ an emergency.

.

After a sulky morning of wishing Edward was there and being glad he wasn't, Rosalie finally got back. We went out for some groceries and I offered to make dinner. She tried to talk me out of it and said she'd quickly wrap something up, but I insisted.

I decided on home baked bread, moussaka and baklava with vanilla ice-cream as dessert. I was in no way a kitchen wonder, but Carmen had Greek roots and taught me how to make her favorite dishes. Somehow it felt right, to share Carmen with Rosalie and Edward this way. She was more family than my adoptive parents ever were. Even if it ended up tasting like shit, I knew that Carmen would be proud.

Rosalie was hovering over me as I kneaded the bread and finished the preparations for the moussaka and the baklava, sniffing over my pans, tasting the sauce and stealing nuts. She was driving me crazy, but it felt good - homey.

"Hey, stop that!" I yelled at her, slapping her wrist as she tried to take another nut. "Hands off my nuts!"

Laughing and fighting over the nuts, we both got startled as a deep voice came from behind us.

"Rose, are you trying to cheat on me with your brother? I got to say, that's kind of gross!"

We both spun around to see one very mind-meltingly sexy Edward standing in the doorway with a fucking breathtaking grin on his face. And when I say breathtaking, I mean the sight literally took my breath away! My heart stuttered a couple of times and my jeans were feeling tighter with every second his green eyes bore into mine. Hoping they wouldn't notice my obvious reaction, I cleared my throat and turned back to my cooking.

"Luckily, she was just after these nuts," I said as I showed Edward the bowl. "Now stop eating my ingredients, or there will be no dessert for you, Rosalie!"

Rosalie pouted at me and laid her hand on my chest. "Please, Jazzy, one more. Just one tiny little nut and I'll be a good girl. Please?" she whined and I caved.

"Okay, one more, but that's it! There'll be nothing left!" I sighed and she kissed my cheek before running off with a hand full of nuts.

"I said ONE, Rosalie! Get back here!" I yelled as I ran into the hallway after her.

"Jesus, no wonder they split you two up," Edward chuckled.

I froze and Rosalie came to a full halt immediately. She walked up to Edward and hit him in the face, hard.

"Fuck you, Edward! FUCK! YOU!" she screamed, her face distorted in fury.

My gaze dropped to the floor and a cold shiver shot through my spine, chilling me to the bone. I could feel tears forming in my eyes, but I blinked them away. I was desperately trying to keep strong and not break down in front of them. _He __hates __me__, __he __really __hates __me__. __Why __else __would __he __say __something __like __that__?_

"I-I'm sorry. I really am! God, Jasper, I didn't mean it like that, honestly!" Edward said in a desperate tone. I looked up and saw his horror struck face.

It took me a moment to realize Rosalie's eyes moved from me to Edward and back again. Over and over, like she was trying to figure out if there was something more going on. I quickly averted my eyes and went back into the kitchen. There was no way I could ever let Rosalie know what I felt for her man. There was just no way. I wasn't going to lose her over some stupid infatuation. No way.

I could hear them angrily whispering at each other, but I thought it better to stick to my cooking and stay out of it. I set the timer on the oven and slid the bread in. After that, I started cleaning up after myself.

"Can I help?" Edward asked, making me jump. "Look, Jasper, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I meant it as a joke."

"It wasn't funny," I stated. My voice sounded flat as I kept washing the bowl I used for the dough.

"I realize that now. Can you forgive me?" he asked. Instead of answering him, I took the dish towel from my shoulder and handed it to him. He quietly picked it up and started drying the cleaned bowl. In silence we worked together, cleaning the kitchen, finishing the baklava and setting the table.

.

Rosalie complimented me generously on my cooking. I had to admit, the mince in the moussaka was a bit dry, but it still tasted very good. The bread was exactly right and the baklava with ice-cream was perfect. It was the best I had ever made.

Edward was silent all through dinner, gazing at me, which made me nervous as hell. But Rosalie didn't seem to notice. I just asked her what moving from America to England had been like for her and she effortlessly told her lengthy story.

After dinner, Edward offered to do the dishes and Rosalie and I retreated into the living room, where her story flowed into an easy conversation about the differences between England and America. It only got heated once the argument of tea versus coffee started, but we quickly agreed to disagree. Edward stuck to the background, finishing off some paperwork in the adjoining study.

Edward had to go into work each day for the rest of the week. I even saw Rosalie cock an eyebrow or two at the mention of his emergencies. I could only assume that he was avoiding me. It hurt to be honest. He really didn't like me. I figured the only reason that he apologized to me about the 'joke' was because Rosalie forced him to. He didn't talk to me, spend the evenings in his study, and even at dinner he just sat there staring at me while my sister and I engaged in conversation.

I felt less and less comfortable in their house. The only thing that kept me from packing my bags and running back home was Rosalie. Her grandmother was getting worse by the hour. She slept most of her days, only having brief moments of consciousness, moments Rosalie treasured dearly. Mrs. Warren couldn't eat or drink any more. Her voice was raspy as she called out to her mother in her sleep. It was heartbreaking to witness and I didn't even really know her. I could only try to imagine what it must be like for my sister, watching her grandmother slowly dying.

From Thursday on, Rosalie stayed at the hospital as much as she could. She didn't want her grandmother to die alone, so she kept watch over her, holding her hand. I sat with her all through the day, trying to support her in every way I could. Edward would come to the hospital in the evenings, where the three of us would have dinner in the cafeteria. After dinner, I would ride back with him. The rest of the evening I would spend watching television as he would sit at his desk, doing whatever it was he was doing. It couldn't be paperwork; there was no doctor on the planet that had to do that much paperwork. I should know. Only late at night would Rosalie come home to sleep, before rushing back to the hospital in the morning.

I'd have thought Edward would come up with some sort of excuse to not play soccer that Saturday. I was actually counting on it, as I wasn't sure my hormones could handle seeing him in shorts. Just my luck that this was something he didn't want to cancel.

I was woken harshly at 8 am. Someone pulled the sheets off the bed and yanked the curtains open. I tried to grab back my sheets to cover my head, but they were out of reach.

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" Edward called. "We have to be at the club in an hour! So get your arse out of bed and get dressed, we leave in thirty minutes! There's toast in the kitchen if you hurry!"

I moaned and pulled my pillow over my head, curling up in a ball. The room was fucking cold and I was only wearing my pajama pants. I felt the mattress cave as Edward kneeled next to me and tried to take my pillow. I held on to it tightly, but he managed to wrestle it away from me. He threw it to the floor and leaned in. I could feel his breath on my face and smell his delicious musky scent as his mouth got close to my cheek. My breath hitched and my heart stuttered.

"Jaaaaaaaaaaasper!" he whined, making me try to cover my sensitive ear as the high-pitched sound invaded it.

"Go away and let me sleep!" I groaned, making him chuckle.

Then the bastard tickled me, he fucking tickled me. Within seconds I was squirming underneath him. I tried desperately to get away from his hands, pushing him away, slapping them off me and pleading for him to stop. When I tried to throw him over me, he reached out to keep from falling. His hand grazed my raging morning wood, which forced a moan from my throat.

He jerked away from me, like he'd burned himself, and I mentally slapped myself. _For __Christ__'__s __sake__, __Jasper__, __do __you __ever __stop__?_

I sat up and stretched my sleeping muscles like nothing happened.

"All right, all right, I'm awake," I said, trying to avoid his piercing stare.

"Good, now hurry up," Edward replied. He sounded off and hurried to the door.

"Wait!" I called after him, making him stop dead in his tracks. He just turned his face toward me with a questioning look. "I didn't bring any sports clothes."

He grinned evilly and shook his head. "You're not getting out of this, Jasper. I already packed you some of mine. You're coming with me and that's that," he said and walked out, closing the door behind him.

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**I hope you'll let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey all!**

**Thank you so much for the amazing reviews and support for this story! Again, I must apologize for not answering them yet, but I was too eager to post this!**

**Thank you to the lovely KGQ for being my awesome friend and Harrytwifan for being kick-ass in betaing my fictions! Thank you so much both of you!**

**Are you excited? I'm excited! :D**

**A/N: I do not own Twilight!**

* * *

I sucked. I horrendously sucked. I was never a sports guy, and kicking a ball was a lot harder than it looked. Each time the guys passed it to me I missed, or lost it right away, or unceremoniously fell on my ass. It didn't really help either that each time the ball was anywhere near me, Edward was cheering me on. I was trying so hard to impress him, that I achieved the exact opposite.

I wasn't much better as a goalkeeper. Those shots were fucking fast! Trust me, after having a hard ball take your breath away by trying to go through your stomach, you try and avoid it any way you can. Whenever I saw one of the other team's attackers race towards me, I cupped my groin and prayed to God he'd watch over my most important bodily functions.

The good side of my obvious fear was that it kept my cock limp like no other thing could. It most likely had a mind of its own, thinking it had more chance of survival being flexible and as small as possible. Thank fuck for that!

Despite my horrific field performance, we only lost 3-5. My team's defense was quite strong and the better part of the game was spent on the other half of the field. Still, I was embarrassed as hell, apologizing each time I ducked away to dodge the leather projectile. The guys just laughed it off, saying playing was more important than winning.

On another note, someone should have told me that soccer players liked to grope. My ass was actually flaming from all the not-so-soft squeezes I got. I was sure my cheeks would be bruised in the morning. Thank God I didn't plan on taking off my pants in front of someone any time soon.

We all walked back to the dressing rooms, joking and laughing. The shower proved to be, well, a challenge. Close your eyes and imagine this; a large, steam-filled bathroom. Nine naked guys, muscled and tanned. Eighteen hands, soapy and moist, roaming over square chests, rock hard abs and gorgeous asses. In the middle of that scene, picture perfection. Edward had his eyes closed and his head thrown back as he let the hot water fall over his body. His nipples were erect, his wonderful cock and heavy sack hanging between his long legs. Legs that would feel perfect around my hips.

This is what a team shower was like. It would've been, if I actually had the guts to join them. Well, that was what it would've been like in my mind. Most of Edward's friends were actually kind of scrawny and pale –– fuck, this was England. But hey, a guy can dream, right? At least I now had something good for later reference. Minus one Edward that is. I could and would not jack off to my secret dirty thoughts of him. That was just, well, wrong.

I thought it better to not humiliate myself by trying, but no doubt miserably failing, to stay unaffected at the sight of Edward's naked form. Instead, I lingered, waiting until the guys were done and then quickly washed myself in an empty bathroom. All the while keeping my eyes forcibly glued to the walls and tiles.

When we were walking back to the car, Edward came up beside me and threw his arm over my shoulder.

"So, Jasper, what ya think? Have fun?" he asked excitedly.

His scent combined with fresh soap and shampoo overwhelmed me. His warm body was pressing up against my bare arm. I was doing all I could to not moan or make any other lustful sounds. This man, this fuckhot man, was making it so fucking difficult to stay away from him. Besides that, though I was trying the best I could, I couldn't figure him out. One moment he'd be ignoring me and keeping his distance, the next he'd be all over me, being all friendly. I was starting to wonder if Rosalie was pushing him to be nice.

Fuck, I didn't need his charity friendship. If he disliked me, that was just fine. _Then __why __can __you __feel __a __knot __forming __in __your __stomach__?_ Fuck it. I didn't care. _Then __why __is __your __throat __constricting __and __why __is __it __getting __harder __to __swallow__?_ It wasn't like I was in love with him or something. _Then __why __is __a __sharp __pain __stabbing __at __your __heart__?_ I gasped for breath. I wasn't in love with him, I really wasn't. _Liar__._ Seriously, this was attraction –– that was for sure –– but not love. _Liar__._ No, really, I wasn't in love with him. _Keep __telling __your self __that__, __Jasper__._ Fuck!

"Yeah, sure," I answered as I ducked out from under his arm and picked up my pace. This was going to be one long ride.

.

I was quiet the rest of the day. I couldn't believe I got myself into this mess. How on earth was I going to spend another two weeks with Edward and Rosalie? I felt guilty for feeling what I felt. The little voice in the back my head was right; this did go deeper than lust.

When we got to the hospital and found Rosalie next to her grandmother's bed, Edward leaned down and kissed her gently. I had to look away. As much as I came to actually love my sister and as much as I wanted her to be happy, I wanted Edward more. I wanted the full package. Waking up beside him, sharing breakfast in the morning, joking, playing, loving. Fuck, I'd lost my heart to a man who would never ever be mine.

Rosalie kept asking me what was wrong, but I brushed her off. When she kept pushing, I told her I was tired and wanted to go to bed early. It wasn't really a lie, I was tired. Feeling like this was exhausting. I could see she knew it wasn't the entire truth, though. She looked at me with worry in her eyes when Edward and I left after dinner.

Back at the house, I immediately went to my room and hid under the covers of my bed, curled up in a ball, feeling utterly lost and empty. I couldn't sleep, though, and hours later I was still awake. After tossing and turning for ages, I gave up. Each time I closed my eyes, he would be there. I'd see his face and hear his ridiculously sexy accent. I wanted to forget he existed, but my dreams seemed to betray me.

I decided to go downstairs and get a glass of water. Carmen always taught me that staying in bed when you couldn't sleep only made it worse. I'd try again later.

As softly as I could, I made my way downstairs, not wanting to wake up Rosalie and Edward. In the dark kitchen, I searched the cabinets for a glass. Once I found it, I filled it with water from the tap on the fridge. The kitchen was freezing cold and I was just in my pajama pants, so I quickly, but still softly, went back up to my room.

As I passed the master bedroom, I could hear muffled voices. _Shit__! __I __woke __them __up__!_ I paused my step, ready to knock on the door and apologize.

_"__Rose__, __I__'__m __not __talking __about __this __now__. __Let__'__s __just __get __to __bed __and __talk __about __it __in __the __morning__,"_ I heard Edward say.

Okay, good. Well not good, as they sounded like they were fighting, but at least they were still up and I didn't wake them. I didn't want to listen in on them, so I started towards my room. The mention of my name had me frozen in place, though.

_"__You__'__ve __seen __Jasper __these __two __weeks__! __He__'__s __broken__, __something __broke __him__, __Edward__! __How __can __you __expect __me __to __go __through __with __this __right __now__, __when __my __brother __needs __me__?"_ Rosalie snapped at him. Fuck, maybe my smiles and jokes hadn't been as convincing as I'd thought.

_"__Will __you __please __keep __your __voice __down__?,"_ Edward said,_ "__You __want __him __to __wake __up__? __He __was __exhausted__! __And __yes__, __I__'__ve __seen __him__. __I __know __he __needs __you__, __Rose__. __But __I __don__'__t __see __how __us __getting __married __in __two __months __has __anything __to __do __with __it__."_

I heard a closet door close and the bed squeaked. I felt like a pervert for listening in on their obviously private conversation, but I wanted to know what was going on. From what I understood, they thought I was some kind of helpless charity case. Somehow this made Rosalie hesitant about their wedding?

_"__I __will __still __marry __you__, __Edward__, __that __hasn__'__t __changed__. __I__'__m __just __asking __if __we __can __wait __a __little __longer__. __Nana __is __not __going __to __make __it __till __September__. __There__'__s __no __need __for __this __rushed __marriage__. __I __need __time__; __time __to __make __him __feel __more __comfortable __with __me __and __tell __me __what __is __hurting __him__. __And __I __don__'__t __know __if __you __noticed__, __Edward__, __but __he __doesn__'__t __seem __to __be __able __to __relax __around __you__. __I __don__'__t __think __he __likes __you __very __much__,"_ Rose said.

_"__Oh__, __I __think __he __likes __me __just __fine__,"_ Edward replied and I could hear him chuckle._ "__I __think __liking __me __is __what__'__s __making __him __so __tense__. __I __think __your __brother __is __gay__, __Rose__."_

I backed away from the door in shock, knocking over a vase, which crashed to the floor. The loud noise startled me and I dropped my glass. It burst into a million pieces and water splashed everywhere. Within seconds, the door of the master bedroom flung open and Edward stood in the doorway with a shocked expression on his face. He was only wearing boxer briefs and it was impossible to look away from him.

"I-I'm- I'm sorry, I-I couldn't see and I knocked over th-the vase." I stumbled as I backed up a few more paces. I could feel the glass cutting through the skin of my bare feet, though I couldn't care less. All I could think about was getting away from there as soon as possible.

"Jasper?" Rosalie hurried over to me.

"S-stop!" I yelled. "There's glass everywhere! I should go and clean this up!"

"Don't move," Edward said before he disappeared into the bedroom. I could hear a closet open and close. When he came back into the hallway, he was wearing a bathrobe and shoes.

"Go help Jasper, I'll go get a broom and clean this up," Rosalie commanded. I shook my head, I didn't need his help, and I didn't_want_ his help.

Before I could object though, I was in his arms. He carried me away from the glass shards, down the stairs and into the kitchen. It took all my strength to stay rigid and not melt into him. In the kitchen, he sat me down on a chair and flipped on the lights. He squatted down in front of me and lifted one foot and then the other.

"Those are some nasty cuts, Jasper. Sit back, I'll take care of them," he told me and got up.

"I can do it myself," I tried, but Edward shook his head.

"I know how to dress a wound, Jasper," he said and went around the kitchen, filling a bowl with water and getting a first-aid kit from a cupboard.

Rose came into the kitchen just as Edward got down on his knees in front of me. She threw us an angered look before tossing the glass shards into a garbage bag. My stomach turned and I grabbed the sides of my chair tightly. _Oh __God__, __she __must __really __hate __me__. __There__'__s __no __way __she __would __want __me __anywhere __near __her __fiancé __now__._ I closed my eyes to stop tears from spilling.

"She isn't mad at you," Edward whispered, "She's angry at me for causing this."

"What? You didn't cause this," I panicked. "I just went to get a glass of water and knocked over a vase on my way to my room!" I shrieked, trying to keep my voice down, but not doing a very good job.

"You heard us, Jasper," Rose said matter-of-factly. She walked over to me and placed one of her small hands on my cheek. "I don't care. As soon as I saw you, I loved you. You are my brother and nothing can change that."

"B-but-" I tried.

"_Nothing_ can change that!" she repeated sharply. Gently patting my cheek, she smiled at me before she walked around the table and sat down.

Silence fell over us as Edward plucked the glass shards from my feet, cleaned the cuts, and covered them with bandages. I wanted to say something, but I was scared. Coming here had been a bad idea, a very, very bad idea. This was so fucked up!

"Tea?" Edward interrupted my musings. I was about to say no when Rosalie answered him.

"I could actually use something stronger. I suggest we move to the living room and bring out the good stuff."

"I could definitely use a drink," I chuckled and got up. Edward tried to pick me up again, but I batted his hands away. "I'll walk, thank you."

My feet hurt like hell with each step, so I stumbled more than walked. Thankfully, Edward and Rosalie let me have my pride and only hovered a little as I slowly made my way to the room across the hall.

Once we were seated and opened a bottle of good scotch, we all relaxed a bit. Conversation flowed surprisingly well, all things considered. Before I knew it, I was well into my third drink. Edward got up and announced he was going to bed.

"Will you be okay getting to your room later, Jasper?" he asked and I nodded.

"I'll be fine."

When I heard the bedroom door close behind him upstairs, I took a large gulp and looked Rosalie in the eyes.

"He's right, you know. I am gay," I said, barely audible.

Rosalie skidded closer and snuggled up against me. With her hand on my chest she looked up at me.

"I don't care, Jasper. I don't know what it is, it might be because we're twins, but I feel a very strong connection to you. When I saw you at the airport, it felt like I had found a part of me that I was missing. Like I found my other half.

I laughed sarcastically. "I thought Edward was your other half."

She opened her mouth to say something, but clearly thought better of it. Instead of talking, she snuggled up against me even closer.

"What happened to you, Jasper?" she asked after a while.

I averted my eyes and stared blindly at the wall. Again, tears were forming in my eyes. Even though I tried, I couldn't stop them from spilling, rolling silently down my cheeks. I wanted to tell her, I wanted to let her in. Tell her what my life had been like growing up. I had been avoiding this conversation the whole time, not knowing how to share.

When she laid her head against my shoulder, something changed inside me. It felt like the wall around my heart crumbled down and I started sobbing. Then words followed.

"I didn't have quite the same childhood you did..."

Slowly and softly I told her about my life, my adoptive parents, Carmen, and coming out. I spoke, she listened. I cried, she cried with me. When I finished my story, sunlight was peering through the curtains.

"Jasper, you know this is their problem, right?" Rosalie asked me. "You know they are closed-minded assholes that can't see the wonderful person you are, right?"

I didn't answer. In truth, she was wrong. I wasn't a wonderful person. I was a bigger asshole than my parents were. I wasn't just in love with my sister's fiancé, I wanted him. I could only imagine what would've happened if Edward had been as interested as me. I couldn't say for sure I would've had the decency to walk away.

Rosalie jerked my arm. "Right?"

I forced a smile to my lips and kissed the top of her head. I couldn't say yes. I couldn't lie to her, but I couldn't have her know what was going through my head. I was selfish; I would keep my secret in order to keep her in my life.

"Let's go to bed," I said, "It's been a long night."

It was already 1 in the afternoon when I woke up. I quickly got up and took a shower. After last night's conversation, I felt like a weight had lifted from my chest. I wasn't too happy that Edward knew I was gay, nor that he guessed I was kind of into him, but telling my sister who I truly was felt liberating. It gave me new energy. I got dressed in a pair of black jeans with a white T-shirt and slipped my feet into my sneakers, not even bothering to do the laces.

When I got downstairs, Edward was nowhere to be seen, so I picked up the paper from the dining table and sat down. A sharp knock on the window had me startled. I gazed outside and saw Edward grinning at me, a cigarette between his lips. I didn't even know he was a smoker. He disappeared from view only to reappear, peaking his head through the kitchen door.

"I'm out here enjoying the weather, care to join me?" he asked me. I shrugged my shoulders and went outside.

"You don't happen to have one of those for me, do you?" I said, pointing at his cigarette. I didn't smoke often, usually only when going out, but the stress of this visit had me yearning.

He tossed me a pack of Marlboro and a lighter. I sat down on the low wall that parted community garden from the terrace. Lighting the cigarette and taking a lazy draw, I relaxed a bit. The sun was nice and warm on my face, so I closed my eyes and raised my head to really enjoy the feeling.

I heard Edward cough and I snapped my eyes open. He had turned his whole body away from me. With one hand on the door handle, he pressed his half-finished cigarette into an ashtray.

"Just leave your fag-end outside when you're done," he said over his shoulder as he opened the door.

_What __the __fuck__?_

"Excuse me?" I asked him, trying to keep my anger in check, "What the fuck did you just call me?" I couldn't believe him. Did he just call my ass a fag-end? I knew I made an idiot out of myself the entire visit, trying to kiss him and all, but I'd taken enough grief from my supposed parents. I didn't need this fuckhead to go and call me names.

Edward spun around; his eyes wide like the moon.

"Nothing, I called you nothing," he squeaked, raising his arms up like he was defending himself. "A fag-end, it's your finished smoke, you know, a cigarette bud! I meant that you could leave it in the tray. I'll toss it in the bin later. Oh God, Jasper, I wasn't calling you any names, I swear!"

His eyes were pleading and I could feel my anger flow out of me. My cheeks flushed, though. Fucking Brits and their weird words. How on earth could I not understand that the wrong way? Still, I kind of felt ashamed that I had immediately drawn the conclusion that Edward would sink to that level. He'd never once been deliberately cruel.

"Oh," I very eloquently voiced, lowering my gaze to avoid his stare. Bad mistake, as it landed on his crotch. More accurately, the slight bulge in his crotch. I swallowed hard and quickly looked back up to check he hadn't noticed.

Edward was still staring at me, a blush now covering his own wonderful cheeks. Oh fuck, he had noticed and now I'd gone and embarrassed him. _Fuck__, __fuck__, __fuck__!_ As if the situation couldn't get any worse, I felt my own dick twitch in my jeans, and that bulge made me think of what was inside his pants. Trying to be casual about it, I turned my body away from his stare; no way in hell was I going to embarrass him further by dangling my growing erection in front of him.

"I'll, eh," my voice sounded hoarse and I cleared my throat. "I'll leave my cigarette in the tray when I'm finished, thanks." Before the last words had left my mouth, he was through the door and into the house, walking faster than I'd thought possible. _Fuck__!_

In frustration, I jumped up and kicked the wall. This was all so _not_ okay. I had to get out of there, go for a walk and clear my head of Edward. Hell, he would probably be glad if my drooling ass left the house for a while. I took one more drag from the cigarette and pressed it into the ashtray. Yes, going for a walk was a good idea. I opened the kitchen door and made my way to the hallway.

"Oh God, I'm sorry Rosie, I'll be there as soon as possible." Edward's voice drifted from the living room. I froze in my step; something was wrong with Rosalie. It was quiet for a while until Edward sighed and spoke. "Well, all right, if you really want him there I'll bring him."

I could hear Rosalie's angry response, though I couldn't quite catch what she was saying. I could see the reflection of Edward's tensed expression through the mirror that hung over the fireplace. He looked annoyed and frustrated at the same time; I wondered what Rosalie was saying.

"Shut it, Rose, that is _not_ true!" he whisper-yelled into his cell. Rosalie yelled back and Edward turned around, kicking the base of the couch.

"The fuck you're going to tell him. We've agreed on this, Rose," he spat. "I know he's your brother, but that doesn't change shit!"

Oh fuck, something was seriously going on, involving me. As much as I wanted to know what was going on, I didn't want to get caught listening in on their private conversations. I quickly backed into the kitchen and made some casual noise. As I walked back into the hallway, I could hear Edward whisper.

"Jasper's coming. We'll talk about this later. Is there anything you need us to bring?"

Another silence followed as I stood there, waiting for the phone call to be over.

"Oh, so that's what you want it to be? Go to hell, Rose!" he whisper-yelled again, and I could hear his phone snap shut. I counted to ten before peeking my head into the living room.

"Edward, I'm going to take a walk, I-" As soon as I saw him I shut up. Tears were in his eyes and one of his hands was pulling at his wonderfully crazy hair. "A-are you okay?" I asked.

He sighed and looked up at me. "I'm sorry, Jasper, we need to go to the hospital. Rose needs you, Nana just died," he said, making me gasp. Rose needs_me_? Why didn't he say _us_? And what the hell was he doing fighting with my sister when she just lost her grandmother?

"Yeah, of course, I'll grab my jacket and we can go," I said, but I didn't move. I just stood there staring at him.

"Jasper?" he asked, "We should really get a move on."

I shook my head to clear it and blinked. "What? Oh, yeah, my jacket," I said, turning around to take it off the hook.

Edward moved passed me and grabbed his coat, before opening the door and gestured me to go first. He obviously did this so he could lock up after us, but it still made my heart flutter. I got into the passenger's seat as soon as Edward unlocked the car with his remote, and put on my seatbelt. I did my best not to look at him as he got in, staring out the side window in silence.

I kept my rigid stance during the entire drive. I was sad for my sister, angry at Edward and frustrated with the both of them. I didn't like secrets, not at all! Maybe that was hypocritical, as I kept my sexuality a secret for years. I wouldn't even have told Rosalie if Edward hadn't suspected. Still, the thought of them keeping something from me hurt.

Every now and then I could feel Edward's eyes on me, though he didn't break the silence, either. The air inside the car was tense. Once we reached the hospital, he stopped in front of the entrance.

"Go find your sister, I'll park the car," he said, barely audible. Even though it felt wrong, I got out and felt glad I could get away from him for a minute.

* * *

**Please let me know what you think! :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews everyone! I'm working on replying to all of them at the moment... I just wanted to say how much they mean to me!**

**My very huge thanks to KGQ, awesome friend and pre-reader extraordinaire! She's also an amazing writer who just started her new WIP Reborn... If you aren't reading it already, check that out, you won't be dissappointed!  
**

**A huge thank you also goes out to a girl that kicks my ass on a daily basis, the amazing loopylou992... She's the bestest, funniest and most loyal freggle of the bunch!**

**Last but absolutely not least; My awesome Beta Harritwifan!**

**I love you all to bits!**

**Now for the story to continue... I hope you will not lynch me after this chapter!**

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

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In the main lobby, I passed the elevator –– stairs were much faster. Taking two steps at a time, I raced to the third floor. I stopped myself from running through the corridors, but still walked as fast as I could.

Rosalie noticed me immediately when I walked into the family room. "Jasper," she yelled and ran into my arms. I slid my arms around her waist and held her while she cried.

"Shhhhh," I shushed into her hair, "I'm here, sweety, I'm here."

I gently caressed her back, her head lying on my shoulder. I heard footsteps coming closer, but just ignored them as I figured it would be Edward.

"Here you go dear, a nice cuppa tea. Oh, I'm sorry; can I get you anything, sir?" I turned my head and saw a nurse standing behind me. Rosalie pulled away from me. She took the cup from the nurse and took a sip, closing her eyes.

"Hmmm, tea can just make anything better, don't you agree?" she said, making me roll my eyes.

"Erm, no actually, I don't. A steaming cup of black coffee, however..." I winked at her.

"Oh, I'll get you one Mr. Warren, I'll be right back." The nurse rushed out of the room before I could stop her. I'd probably get one of those cups of liquid tar that the English called coffee. Yuck!

I cocked an eyebrow at Rosalie. "Mr. Warren?" I asked and she chuckled.

"Well, I'm Ms. Warren, my grandmother was Mrs. Warren, and you are obviously my brother. Can't really blame her for drawing that conclusion," she said. I threw her a smile and checked the time on my phone. Edward was taking an awful long time parking that car; I'd already been up here for 15 minutes. What even struck me more was the fact that Rosalie hadn't even asked for him. Something was seriously wrong here. Fight or no fight, a man should be there for his fiancé when her grandmother died.

The nurse came back in with my coffee. "Here you go, Mr. Warren. If you two need anything else, let me know."

"Whitlock," I said, taking the cup from her.

"I'm sorry, what?" she replied with a confused look on her face.

"My name, it's not Warren, it's Whitlock," I explained in a flat tone.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just started here and you two are so alike I just assumed you were brother and sister," she rambled.

"We are," Rosalie and I said at exactly the same time.

We looked at each other and Rosalie snorted, trying to hold back a chuckle. I couldn't help myself and burst out in laughter. She quickly gave up trying to hold it in, and under the shocked stare of the nurse, we were laughing our asses off.

"I-I'm sorry," I tried to say, "this- this i-is really inap- Oh God!" My stomach was hurting and I tried to take deep breaths in between laughs.

It took us a full 5 minutes to get it together. Luckily, the nurse had by then left the room, probably thinking we were insane. We sat down on a couch and Rosalie took my hand.

"Thank you, Jasper. As bad as that was, I really needed that." Her voice was cracked and I could already see the tears reforming in her eyes. I answered her with a smile and reached out my hand to hold her cheek in my hand. I still felt awkward about it, but Rosalie didn't seem to mind me touching her. She even closed her eyes and slightly leaned into it for a moment. I realized we were still just the two of us.

"What the hell is taking Edward so long?" I asked no one in particular.

"I doubt he'll come up here. We had a bit of a fight earlier." Rosalie was looking at her fidgeting hands as she spoke. I wanted to say something, but didn't know what. Instead, I placed my hands over hers and stroked them with my thumbs. Her eyes shot up at me, a pained look in them.

"Jasper, I need to-" she started, but a harsh voice interrupted her.

"There you two are!"

I glanced over my shoulder and saw Edward standing in the doorway; his eyes were burning as he stared angrily at my sister. I looked back at her, but she turned her head, facing the wall. Her eyes were closed and a single tear was rolling down her cheek. Something stabbed at my heart and I could feel rage rising up in my veins.

"I'll be right back," I whispered to my sister and stood up. I turned to face Edward, who was still eyeing Rosalie. "Edward, a word?" I said and left the room without waiting for an answer. I walked through the corridor until I was well out of Rosalie's earshot. When I heard footsteps closing in, I turned to face my sister's fiancé.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I snapped. Edward's eyes narrowed, but he kept his mouth shut. "I don't know what the hell is going on, but I seriously don't care. Your future wife is in there and she needs you. So whatever happened between you, man the fuck up and be there for her! This is not the fucking time to sort your shit out!" I was trying to keep my voice down, but I wasn't very successful. A couple of nurses were peeking at us over their charts.

Edward sighed in frustration and fisted his hands. "Are you done?" he hissed.

I gave him a hard look to let him know I was serious before I started back towards the family room. I didn't get far, as he grabbed my wrist and stopped me. However, when I looked up at him, he didn't say anything. His eyes burned with something I didn't recognize for a couple of seconds before he closed them and let go of me. Without as much as a glance back, I stalked off to rejoin my sister.

In the days leading up to the funeral, I tried to stay out of Edward's way. He did change his attitude towards my sister, though I could see and feel the tension between them. They weren't okay and I had the feeling it had something to do with me being here.

I was slowly breaking down. Knowing I loved Edward made my heart ache constantly. At the times I couldn't avoid him, I tried to ignore him. Now that Rosalie was obviously grieving, dinners turned uncomfortably silent. I knew he didn't like me to begin with, but the hatred I felt in his gazes after our confrontation in the hospital was torture.

I made a decision. There was no way I could take this any longer; another two weeks would ruin me for sure. No, right after the funeral, I would go home. I had booked a plane, packed a suitcase and wrote a letter to my sister. I wasn't planning on saying goodbye. The letter said all there was to say. I was in love with Edward, I couldn't stay and watch them together, I loved her and if she still wanted to see me after reading my confession, she'd always be welcome in America.

The service was beautiful; it summed up Mrs. Warren perfectly. Warm, loving and welcoming to everyone. I'd been to some funerals in my life, and usually there weren't many people left to grieve for the elderly. But nothing was less true about this one. The little church was packed with people.

Glancing to my side, I could see Edward holding Rosalie. I envied them both. I wanted to hold her and make sure everything would be all right. I wanted to be in her life, to hear her voice and see her beautiful face smiling at me. We were twins, the same in so many ways, but so different at the same time. She was loving and lovable. True and trusting. She was the better half of us.

And then there was Edward, perfect Edward. His arms would be perfect around my shoulders, around my waist. Holding me, loving me. How I wanted to be Rosalie, how I wanted him to look at me and know everything would be okay. He was caring and funny and smart. He could make me laugh and cry. If he hadn't been with my sister, straight and hating me, he would've been just right.

It broke my heart to leave them, but it was the only way. They deserved happiness and I was causing trouble. The knowledge that they would be together, love each other and be happy made me smile sadly. Everything would go back to before. Except for me –– I would never be the same.

After the service, we went to the cemetery. Rosalie wanted to bury her grandmother with Nana's closest friends and family. When I told her I didn't mind going directly from the church to the reception, she looked at me with a frown on her face.

_"Don't be silly, Jasper, you are family."_

I still didn't feel comfortable as I gently dropped a white rose on Mrs. Warren's coffin. The horrible pull at my heart forced tears from my eyes. They were partially for her, but most of them were spilled over the impending separation. I felt like a fraud. I actually promised the woman I'd be there for Rosalie, but I had already let her down. In three hours, I'd be running away.

At the reception, Rosalie and Edward were distracted by all the people wanting to offer her their condolences. I didn't want to leave. I felt I should be there for my sister, but this was my only chance to leave unnoticed. With one last look at the two people I loved most in this world, I slipped outside and got into the waiting cab.

Driving away, I knew that if I still had a heart, it would be shattered into a million pieces. But I left it with them, as they would own it forever.

.

After a horrifying 13 hour flight, I touched down in San Francisco, needing a cigarette badly. Buying some on the way, I went outside while waiting for my connection to LA. Lighting a smoke, I turned on my phone and it immediately alerted me to 25 missed calls and 5 voice mails.

I had to know what happened after I left. I had to know if my sister would forgive me, so I dialed my voice mail service.

**'Message received July 13th 05.01 am'**_ "Jasper? Where are you? My aunt wants to meet you, but we can't seem to find you. Well, if you get this, we're at the window table closest to the bar."_

**'Message received July 13th 05.33 am'**_ "Hey Jasper, Edward here, Rosalie is getting a bit worried. I'm assuming you went back to the house. Just let us know. We obviously cannot leave yet, but we'll see you later."_

**'Message received July 13th 06.11 am'**_ "Jasper, please call me back. I called the house and you didn't pick up. Maybe you stopped somewhere? We'll be another hour or two. Call me when you get this."_

**'Message received July 13th 06.42 am'**_ "Where are you Jasper? Please call me back, I'm going out of my mind. We're on our way home now, see you in a bit."_

**'Message received July 13th 07.56 am'**_ "Jasper, where did you go, please call me! What?" "His suitcase and clothes are gone. He left. There's this, though, it's addressed to you." "What the fuck, Jasper? You don't just run off like this and leave a fucking letter! Call me!"_

I checked the times of the missed calls, my heart beating in my chest. The last message was left at the time of the last call. Fuck! Guess I had my answer then. She had read the letter and didn't want to speak to me anymore. I lost her, I lost them both. A jolt of pain stabbed through my chest and I emptied my already empty stomach into a flowerbed. Sitting down with my head in my hands, I cried. I felt empty and alone. This would never be right. I would never be right.

I didn't move until my flight to LA was called. I got up and walked to the gate like a zombie. My previous fear of flying, gone. I no longer cared.

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**Please, as always, let me know what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Allright! Here it is, chapter 6. I don't normally discuss the characters in my A/N, but I'm going to do it this time anyway...**

**I got a lot of reviews from people being angry at Jasper for leaving his sister at her Nana's funeral. I get it, I really do, that was probably the worst thing he could do. And leaving a letter like that, probably even worse.**  
**Maybe it seems like the coward's way out, but I do hav to ask you to consider his POV. From where he's standing, he is all that stands between Rosalie's happyness. He really does think that he's fucking up everything by just being there. And from that angle, it's kind of brave to give up everything you want and sacrifice your own happyness for someone else's.**

**Also, I'd love to wave my magic wand and make Jasper all cute and fluffy and happy, but unfortunately that's not the way the world works. I hope you'll bare with me...**

**Thank you to my wonderful pre-reader KGQ and my equally awesome beta Harrytwifan. You both make this story happen in more than one way!**  
**And thank you to an awesome friend and ass kicker; Loopylou992. She's also an awesome writer and just published her first slash story! I hope you'll check it out!**

**Last but not least, I'd like you all to take a look at the 'Fandom for Leukemia & Lymphoma Society' over on Blogspot. I'll be donating a O/S called 'The Hike' there, which is a story about Edward and his nemesis Emmett. I hope you'll care to take a look and maybe donate something to this great cause.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

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**July 14th:** Light crept through the curtains, but the man sleeping on the couch didn't notice. On the table stood several empty bottles of beer. The ashtray on the coffee table was overflowing with cigarette butts and ash. The only sound to be heard was a soft drunken snore.

**July 15th:** He was still wearing the same suit. It was crumpled, and the smell of sweat and alcohol permeated the room. There were more bottles of beer. Had he drank more than yesterday? Or were yesterday's bottles still there?

**July 16th:** The floor was covered with garbage. In between the mess was a liquor store delivery bill. He had taken off his shoes and jacket. His tie was carelessly draped over the back of the couch. He wasn't there, though. Somewhere during the night he woke up, took a large gulp straight from the now empty whiskey bottle, and moved to the bedroom. There he cried and screamed for his pain to end. Even the alcohol couldn't help him forget.

**July 17th:** The smell in the apartment was foul. The sourness of it could only mean he had thrown up some time in the last 24 hours. Maybe even more than once. A steadily growing beard was forming on his jaw; his hair was a sticky mess. He'd taken off his pants, but he was still wearing the same shirt. It was now drenched in spilled booze, tears and sweat. He'd opened his eyes a while ago, but decided the world was no longer worth looking at.

**July 18th:** A second liquor delivery bill now lay on the bed. He was underneath the covers, crying again. He wasn't sure how long he had been in bed, or how long it had been since his last meal. He didn't care. He just wanted it to end. All the hurt, all the pain, all the loss.

**July 19th:** He no longer felt anything. If it was the alcohol, he didn't know. There were no more tears left for him to cry. He just lay there, staring at the wall, his eyes empty.

**July 20th:** A rough knock on the door woke him up. Did he order more liquor? Probably, he couldn't remember. Dragging himself from his bed he reached for his wallet. Another knock tried to get him to hurry. "Fuck, coming!" he shouted at the delivery guy.

.

When I opened the door, I was met by a pair of worried eyes. I immediately tried to close the door again, but Claudia shoved her foot against it and pushed her way in.

"Jesus, Jasper! What the hell is going on here?" she yelled. My head was pounding; she was too fucking loud.

"Please, just go," I croaked. It sounded nothing like my voice and my throat hurt like crazy. I tried to swallow, but that hurt even worse.

"I'm not going anywhere," she replied. I tried to go back to bed, but she grabbed my arm and spun me back around to face her.

"Rosalie called me, said you went home without so much as a goodbye. She's been trying to call you for days!" She pointed a finger at me. "I don't know what the hell happened, but this is unacceptable. Jesus, Jasper, you really stink! When was the last time you showered?"

I shrugged my shoulders and yanked my arm from her grip. I noticed a pack of cigarettes on the table and took one out. Before I could light it, Claudia took it from me. I reached down to take another, but she shoved me. I fell backwards on the couch, my head now pounding even harder with the impact.

"This self-destruction is over, now!" Claudia continued. "You are going to take a shower. And for God's sake, Jasper, put on some clean clothes. I'll fix you something to eat and get rid of this garbage."

I just sat there, staring at her. Who the fuck was she to barge in here and tell me what to do?

"Take a shower, Jasper," she said. "When you're done, we're going to talk. And after that, I'll leave. That is if you still want me to." Realizing I had no choice, I made my way to the bathroom. She would stay and nag me forever if I didn't.

The hot water running down my body actually felt good. The smell of my shampoo actually made me feel a little more human. The texture of clean clothes actually felt soft and comfortable.

I caught my reflection in my closet mirror and hardly recognized myself. A week-old beard covered my jaw and throat. My lips, bruised and chapped. My skin, pale, almost grey. But nothing could have prepared me for the eyes staring back at me. Red, bloodshot, haunted and filled with self-loathing and guilt. It scared me and I slumped down to the floor. There was nothing left of me. The Jasper that was, was gone.

As I sat on the floor of my walk-in closet, I heard a heartbreaking wail. Fuck, I should just man the fuck up; it was clear that I wasn't the only one feeling so God damned lost. And I owed it all to myself. Edward and Rosalie hated me, but no one could hate me more than I did myself. Another wail broke the silence and I toppled over.

Claudia ran into the closet and threw her arms around me.

"Shhhhh, Jasper honey, it's okay," she whispered in my ear. Only then did I realize that the horrible sound was coming from me. I wrapped my arms around myself and cried out again. Claudia held me tighter, which felt so good, so safe. I let go, shivering and crying uncontrollably. I'd cried over the last few days, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't like this. This felt like finally the walls of my soul broke down and all the hurt, all the pain, and all the loneliness I'd felt in the last 26 years overtook me.

There was no restraint, no 'Whitlocks don't cry'. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to finally feel it, feel everything.

I remembered...

..._Sitting alone in my room, playing with my legos. The kids in school didn't want to play with me. I had asked daddy, but he didn't have time to play with me. Carmen wasn't here. She'd play with me, but she was with her own mummy and daddy..._

_...School play. Mummy promised she'd be there, but I couldn't see her. Carmen was there though, front row. I waved and she smiled at me while waving back. Ms. Hayes called out to us, we had to start. But we couldn't start yet, mummy wasn't here yet. She said she'd come and see me play a Christmas elf. She was just late. I would only be on stage in the first part of the play. We couldn't start yet, she would miss it. I cried and pleaded and refused to start. Ms. Hayes told me I was either going on now, or not at all, so I played my part without mummy..._

_...Mama didn't like it; I could see it in her eyes. I knew I should've bought her something, but Ms. Holden insisted that mothers liked nothing more than something her child made. I knew that wasn't right, so I worked extra hard to make it look extra special. She was holding the embroiled handkerchief up with two fingers, like it was dirty. I knew what to do, I could make it right. "I'm sorry, Mother, I'll buy you a real present tomorrow." She dropped the piece of cloth and threw me a relieved smile..._

_...Mother and Father were having drinks by the pool, I didn't want to be outside, though. I hated it here, I hated Hawaii. I just wanted to know if Carmen was all right. The cook, Mrs. Jackson, told me she was really hurt. She might not make it. Maybe when my parents were asleep, I could call the hospital. I needed to know she'd be okay..._

_..."I hate you!" I screamed at my mother. I tried to sneak out and go to Carmen's funeral, but my mother somehow knew what I was planning. Why couldn't I go? I loved Carmen! I wanted her back. I wanted her to comfort me and hold me. But she would never do that again, would she? I sat down on the floor with my back against the wall and cried. I would never see Carmen again..._

_...I sat alone at the lunch table. I could feel their stares. They hated me. I was just named chief resident, something I didn't want to be. Certainly not this way. My father and his money and influence got me this position, not my talent and hard work. They really hated me, they thought I didn't deserve this and they were right..._

_...She was my mother and she wanted me. Now she's dead and I will never know her..._

_...He hates me, he really hates me. Why would he want someone like me? Someone so horrible to fall in love with his sister's fiancé..._

_...She read the letter and now she never wanted to see me again. She'd never look at me with love in her eyes. I would never hear her voice telling me she wanted me there..._

_...I've lost them. It's all my own fault. They will always have my heart. I'm empty, nothing, no one..._

"Shhhhhh, it's okay, let it out," I heard Claudia's soothing voice as she rocked me back and forth, rubbing my back.

"I fucked it all up," I rambled. "She wants nothing to do with me and she's right. I would want nothing to do with me. I'm horrible, the worst there is. I'm worthless."

"Oh, Jasper, who wants nothing to do with you?" Claudia asked, caressing my cheek without letting me go.

"Rosalie, I made her hate me," I answered, immediately followed by another sob. Claudia grabbed my shoulders and pulled away from me a little, searching my eyes. I looked up at her through my tears and she smiled at me.

"Honey, Rose doesn't hate you. Whatever made you think that?"

"S-she does! S-she read it- and then she- a-and the m-m-message- n-nothing!" I cried.

"Jasper, sweety, I haven't got a clue what you're trying to say. But your sister doesn't hate you. She's worried out of her mind! She was planning to go after you, but Edward told her to call me first. Really, Jasper, she doesn't hate you!" Claudia pressed, but I didn't believe her. And the mention of Edward brought on another round of tears.

She got up and walked out of the room. I couldn't move. I thought she would leave, but she came back after a couple of minutes talking to her phone.

"No, I just can't get through to him. Will you please tell him? Yeah, here he is."

The phone was gently pressed to my ear and I could hear Rosalie's voice.

"R-rosalie?" I stuttered.

_"Jasper! Thank God! Don't you ever do that to me again, you hear me? I was so worried! Why did you leave, Jazz? God, did you really think I wouldn't want to know you anymore? We thought you'd died or something! Edward's been going crazy, calling every hospital in California. I wanted to jump on a plane and come after you, but he convinced me to call Claudia. Jasper? Are you still there?"_

To say I was shocked was a fucking understatement. I couldn't believe it. She really didn't hate me?

"I'm still here. I'm so fucking sorry, Rosalie! I couldn't help it! I tried, I really tried to stop it and ignore it, but I couldn't," I pleaded for her to understand. "I just want you two to be happy, okay? I just couldn't hang around to see it."

_"Jasper, there's something you need to know,"_ she said._ "Edward and I, well, we don't really love each other. We are getting married for another reason. I know I should've told you before. God, to think this could __all have been avoided. Jasper, I'm sorry, Edward didn't want it to get out and I went along with it. He's been wallowing in guilt all week and so have I. Please tell me you'll forgive me for lying to you, Jasper, please?"_

Her voice jump-started my returned heart and I could breathe again. She didn't hate me, she really didn't hate me._ Wait, what? Edward wasn't the love of her life?_

Something sparked inside me, dare I call it hope? Maybe-_ Stop! Do not even think about going there, Jasper! He's still straight and more important, he still hates you!_

_"Jasper? Talk to me, please!"_ Rosalie's voice interrupted my strain of thoughts.

"Of course! Fuck! Rosalie, it wasn't any of my business, you had every right!" I exclaimed.

_"But it is your business, you're my brother! It's just that, Nana, she wanted me to be happy and worrying about me was killing her. And Edward, his father was a fucking asshole, like yours. He can only get his inheritance if he gets married. If his father could have just accepted he isn't interested in women!"_

"Rose, can we not talk about Edward? Please?" I asked. I couldn't hear his name. It hurt too much knowing he hated me.

_"But he's here and he wants to talk to you. Hang on, I'll put him on,"_ Rose replied, and before I could say anything, I heard some fumbling noises. I couldn't handle that, couldn't hear his voice. So I did the only thing I could do, I hung up the phone.

I slowly got up and held out the phone for Claudia to take it. She didn't take it; instead she gave me a scrutinizing stare.

"Jasper," she started, but I didn't want to hear it, not now.

"Thank you Claudia, for coming here and- Well, for everything really. But I'm fine now, you can go." I didn't even sound convincing in my own ears, let alone hers. "Really, Claudia, I-I'll be- Yeah, I think I'll be fine."

She slowly took the phone from my hand and turned to leave. At the door she paused and looked back at me.

"Jasper, call me, I mean it. If you don't, I'll be back," she said and left.

I glanced in the mirror again. My eyes were still wrong, but they were calmer now. I took a deep breath and walked into my bathroom. As a first step in pulling myself back together, I picked up the razor.

.

I didn't turn my phone back on until the following morning. I needed the extra time to pull myself together and sleep soundly for what felt the first time in a long while. The phone alerts made me feel guilty, though. In one week's time I had 23 voice mails and 10 times as many missed calls. Most of them Rosalie, the others had been Edward and Claudia.

Seeing that Rosalie tried to call me after Claudia left, I dialed her number.

_"Hello, this is Rose's phone,"_ Edward said and I dropped the phone, startled by the familiar British accent. I stared at it while it lay on the ground.

_"Hello? Anyone there?"_

I quickly picked it up and pressed the end call button. My heart felt like it was trying to beat its way out of my chest. I hadn't been prepared to hear his voice. It was still ringing in my ears. I had to sit down to calm my breathing and get my pulse to slow down.

I waited an hour before I tried again. This time ready to end the call if it was Edward again.

_"Hello, Rosalie Warren's phone."_ End call.

I was glad that I had an unregistered number. Rosalie's caller ID would just show 'Unknown'. Fuck, how many tries would it take before I got hold of her? Edward picked up her phone all the time, whether she was there or not. It was usually connected to the charger on Edward's desk when she was home. I had to just man the fuck up and ask for her if Edward answered again.

I dialed again and waited for the connection to be made.

_"Hello?"_ I took a deep breath before trying to speak, but I wasn't fast enough._ "Listen, wanker! I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but cut it out!" beeb beeb beeb_

Fuck, he hung up on me._ Just pull your shit together, Jasper! You just need to speak when he answers. You do remember how to speak, right?_

_"I told you to fuck o-"_

"Can you get Rosalie?" I asked before he could finish his sentence and hang up on me again.

_"Jasper?"_ I could hear the surprise in his voice._ "Thank God, Jasper! I'm sorry, I really am. I shouldn't have kept Rose from telling you the truth. Seriou-"_ I pressed the end call button. I couldn't hear it, I really couldn't.

First, it would be the apologies for not telling me about keeping the truth about their marriage from me. Next, he would tell me how very sorry he was, but that he did not return my feelings. I didn't need for him to tell me that. I already knew. And fuck, did I feel it in every inch of my soul, the pain raging through my heart. No, I couldn't have him tell me that, because then it would be true, it would be final.

I'd wait and call Rosalie later. For now, I would just go out, face the world and buy some groceries. At some time I would have to start eating again and I had nothing edible in my kitchen.

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**I hope you're still with me... Let me know what you think about this chapter! Love you all!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Heya all! I really REALLY suck at review replies! I really do love them, but life kind of got in the way of replying, AGAIN! But as always, I WILL reply to you all!**

**As always, my thanks and love goes out to KGQ and Harrytwifan, my amazing pre-reader and the bestest beta on the planet!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!**

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As I came out of the supermarket with two brown paper bags, the screams started. I wasn't clear on who, why or where, but something was going on. The next thing I knew, I heard was a gunshot. I stood frozen in my spot for a second, before I dropped my bags and started running. I was going faster than I ever thought I could. Running, pushing, sprinting. This was possibly a matter of life and death; I had to go faster.

I rounded the corner and saw her sprawled on the pavement, bleeding from her chest. Not wasting any time, I closed the distance between me and the young girl.

She couldn't have been a day over sixteen. Her eyes were wide and filled with tears, her breath hitching. She seemed like she wasn't quite sure what just happened. I could see her reach for the wound, and as I knelt down next to her, she looked up at me, confused.

"Call 911!" I shouted to anyone and everyone. I could see some people still hiding behind vehicles and trees. I quickly scanned the scene for the shooter, but he or she was nowhere to be seen.

Blood was rushing out of her; it was everywhere. I had to control the bleeding, so I ripped her blouse open, took off my shirt, and pressed it against the wound. Her raspy breathing was rapid and shallow. I looked up at her face and she was white as a ghost, her eyes rolling back into their sockets.

"Hey!" I shouted, and slapped her cheek with my free hand. "Hey, stay with me!"

The girl's eyes now locked onto mine, wide with panic. "Breathe, come on, just breathe!" I said. "You'll be fine. You're going to be fine!"

Taking her wrist, I could feel her pulse was rushing. I got behind her and pulled her into a half-sitting position, leaning towards her right, still trying to stop the bleeding with my shirt.

She coughed and blood came from her mouth._ Fuck!_ "Where's that fucking ambulance?" I screamed.

"Come on, keep breathing!" I told her. "Don't you fucking give up!"

Her left hand grabbed my thigh, digging the nails in. People were gathering around us, and someone told me the ambulance was on its way.

"Come on, hang on! You'll be fine, come on!" I kept telling the girl.

The sounds coming from her tiny body were horrible. I could hear her slowly drowning in her own blood, fighting for oxygen with every single rasping breath. But there was nothing I could do, but wait for help.

After what seemed like hours, I could hear the sirens, screeching tires and car doors slamming. The EMTs started asking me questions. I answered the best I could and let them take over. Before I knew it, I was in the back of the ambulance as it raced to the hospital.

.

In awe, I watched the trauma team working on saving the girl's life. At some point they took her up to the OR and I sat down on a hard plastic chair. I rested my pounding head in my hands and took a deep breath. I'd done all I could, the trauma team had done everything they could, and now we'd just wait for the surgeons to do everything they could.

One of the nurses kindly offered me a pair of scrubs, as I was shirtless and my jeans were covered in blood. I washed myself in the bathroom as well as I could before returning to the waiting area.

I sat there for seven hours straight. My back was sore and my ass hurt like hell. During the wait, some nurses brought me coffee and sat with me in silence. They probably thought I knew the girl and I didn't correct them. I wanted to know she'd be okay. I needed to know.

The police came and asked me questions, but I had no answers for them. The shooter had been long gone when I reached the girl. I had only heard the shot. I gave them my contact information and they left.

Then finally, a doctor came out to meet me. I stood up and rushed to him. The man was looking grim and I felt my heart fall.

"Dr Whitlock?" he asked as he held out his hand. "I'm Marcus Craig."

"I-is she-?" I started. The man grabbed my shoulder and gave me a tired smile.

"She's out of surgery. There were some complications, but we have it under control. Now all we can do is wait," he said.

I finally felt able to breathe again. I rapidly asked him a round of questions concerning the complications, and his answers put me at ease.

"Have you been able to find out who she is?" I asked the doctor.

"No, unfortunately not. She had nothing on her when she came in," he said. "The police are checking for missing persons, but if they don't find anyone matching her description, we have to wait for her to wake up and tell us." He placed his hand on my back and led me to the coffee machine, where he got us both a cup of coffee.

"God, you really amaze me," I said, while letting my eyes wander around the ER. "You actually save lives. You don't change what doesn't need fixing."

When I looked up at the man beside me, he was looking at me curiously.

"I'm sorry," I continued, "it's just that I've always wanted to become a trauma surgeon, I loved working in the ER, but instead I wound up being in plastics." I shook my head at the choices I had made. I could've been right here all this time, actually helping people. The free clinic was very important to me and it gave my life some meaning, but it had never been my dream.

"From what I heard, Dr. Whitlock, you were anything but useless today. You were the one that really saved that girl. We could only do what we did because you kept her alive." His warm voice sounded genuine, but it was just- Fuck, I didn't even know what it was. Just that it wasn't enough.

"It's never too late, you know," he said and I looked up at him questioningly. "Your career isn't set in stone. If you want to be a trauma surgeon, then go back to school, become one."

It was like a bucket of cold water was splashed into my face. Of course! I'd been unhappy with my specialty from the day I chose it. His words made complete sense. Why shouldn't I go back to school? What the hell was stopping me?

The man slapped my back and got up. "Good luck, Dr. Whitlock," he said and left me to my musings.

I walked up to the nurses' station and asked them if they would call me if the girl came to. After that, I pulled out my phone and called Claudia. My car was still in the supermarket parking lot and I was in no state to take public transportation for a number of reasons. For one, there were still traces of blood in my hair and I was wearing scrubs. Secondly, I was dead beat. I would surely fall asleep and end up miles from home.

She promised to pick me up without asking me too many questions. I appreciated that. I was still trying to wrap my head around all that happened today. I finally realized something. When there was screaming and the gunshot, I had one singular reaction. There hadn't been a single bone in my body that wanted to run_ from_ the situation. Instead, I rushed towards danger, not really caring about my own safety. It wasn't until I saw everyone around me still hiding, that I realized the shooter could've still been there. I could've been dead.

Bile rose in my throat and I only just made it to a trash can before I threw up.

I sat down on the floor with my back against the wall. My arms wrapped around my legs, my forehead to my knees. This needed to stop. The neglect. The carelessness. This utter lack of self-respect. I needed help; professional help. I would kill myself surviving. It was about time I fucking lived.

I washed my mouth in the bathroom and went outside to wait for Claudia. She arrived only five minutes later and drove me home in silence.

At home she sat me down on the couch and handed me a tuna sandwich. Fuck, I still hadn't eaten anything. My stomach was actually hurting and I devoured the sandwich in a matter of minutes.

"Jasper," she said, "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you will not be fine."

I looked her in the eyes and nodded, barely visible. Her worried frown struck me. She actually cared for my wellbeing, more than I did myself.

"I know," I whispered, "I'm going to find someone to talk to tomorrow. I can't go on like this."

"Good," she replied. "For now, you'll eat some more, take a shower and get some rest." I nodded again and closed my eyes.

"You also need to call Rosalie. She's still very worried about you and really wants to talk to you. They both do. She's afraid she'll never see you again, so afraid that she asked me to give you this." Claudia pulled an envelope from her pocket, much like the one I- Fuck! I'd left my mother's letter at Rosalie's house. It was still there, in the bottom drawer of the night stand. "She thought that at least would give you a reason to talk to her."

"Of course I'll talk to her!" I yelled. "I tried to call her all morning, but Edward kept answering!"

"Oh yeah, he told me," she said. "He also told me you kept hanging up on him. What's that about, Jasper?"

"I'm not talking about it!" I barked. "I'll go get that shower now."

Claudia threw her arms up in defeat and turned towards the kitchen. I quickly started the water running while I got undressed. Stepping underneath the hot stream, I closed my eyes and washed my mind, body and soul clean of the day.

Over the next few weeks, I took my time thinking through my options. Claudia found me a psychotherapist with whom I talked to five hours a week. I'd taken some extra leave from both clinics at his advice. I just had to work on my own pain, not anyone else's.

I needed to listen to my fears and wants and emotions, and then make my own decisions with care and responsibility. To do that, I needed to give up on any hopes or rights I still felt I had with my adoptive parents.

To not stay stuck in the past, but live in the now and plan for the days to come. I needed to learn to let people in and start trusting. And I was trying. At the end of each day, I'd talk to Rosalie. She was the best sister I could ever wish for and her seemingly unlimited supply of love and support made me stronger and stronger.

By now she stopped mentioning Edward, for which I was very grateful. Though, I missed him horribly with my entire being. Secretly I wanted to ask her how he was doing, but I knew I would only hurt myself by doing so.

My therapy hadn't covered the fast and deep feelings I had developed for the man. Dr. Jones poked and prodded on the subject more than once, but it was too soon. There was no way I could deal with the hatred Edward felt towards me yet, not while my feelings were still so strong.

"Jasper, have you considered the possibility that you are projecting your feelings about yourself on to Edward?" Dr. Jones interrupted what I was saying.

Where the hell did that come from? I was talking about my choice to become a plastic surgeon for the umpteenth time. Trying to decide if I wanted to go back to medical school or not. Now the fucker asks about Edward,_ again!_ Christ! Weren't these psycho-babblers supposed to listen?

"Excuse me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I asked angrily, really not wanting to go much further on the subject. However, I'd_ love_ to hear what he had to say about it._ Fucking can't let it go, can he?_

"It means that from where I'm sitting, I don't see any reason to believe he hates you. In fact, the only one I see hating you, is you. But you can't admit it to yourself, so he has to hate you instead. Tell me, Jasper, you don't deserve love, do you?" he asked. My hands were fisted, my nails digging into my palms. I tried to say something, but he didn't let me. "And someone like Edward could definitely not love you."

"E-" I tried again, but Dr. Jones cut me off, raising his hand for me to wait.

"I'm not necessarily talking romantic love, Jasper, I haven't met the guy. But from what I understand, he cares a great deal about you." He glanced at his watch and sat up straighter.

"The hour is up, you just think about it and we will talk about it tomorrow."

_Fucker! Damn it!_ I could destroy something right about now. This moron had no right to say stuff like that. Like I fucking_ wanted_ Edward to hate me. Not very fucking likely!

"One more thing," Dr. Jones said, "Why again do you want to be a trauma surgeon?"

He asked me this same question at the end of each session, from the first day I walked through his doors. Each time I gave him the same answer.

"Because I want to really help people."

"Not good enough," he replied in the same words he used every time, "I'll see you tomorrow at two."

.

That evening I avoided Rosalie's questions about therapy. I really didn't want to share the preposterous theory that I was projecting. We did talk over the possibility of Rosalie visiting me in LA. We were planning to come straight after the 'wedding', while everyone thought she was on her honeymoon.

As usual, any mention of Rosalie's upcoming wedding sent a jab of pain through my heart. I knew now that my sister wasn't in love with him, but still, they'd have to keep living together for a long time. Edward would only get his money after 3 years of marriage. Any hint that it was a sham, and it all would have been for nothing.

I couldn't understand the need for that money, anyway. Fuck, if James and Victoria ever left me anything, I wouldn't take it. I would certainly not marry a woman I didn't love and play house to get it.

But in all honestly, how bad could it be? They may not be in love, but the two of them had been best friends from the day Rosalie moved in with her grandmother. Edward had been her quiet and shy neighbor. I remember Rosalie telling me the story over dinner one night. She'd come out into the community garden behind the house and seen the red-headed boy kicking stones with a sad look on his face.

Rosalie had known that look. It mirrored her own feelings now that her parents had died. She sat on a bench close to him and started reading her book. She did this daily, each time just sitting there, close to where he was. It comforted her that she wasn't the only grieving person in London.

One day Edward sat down next to her and took her hand in his.

"Would you like to get out of here and do something fun?" he'd asked and Rosalie had gone with him. Together, they both dealt with their pain. Hers over losing her parents; his over the loss of his mother and his father's remarriage soon after.

Okay, so that right there. That was what happened every time there was any mention of Edward. I'd go and remember things about him. Even if it was the story of him and Rosalie meeting. I didn't want to remember him! What was the use of it? More pain? More sleepless nights?

.

After my phone call with Rosalie, I headed to the hospital. I went there at least four times a week, visiting Bree Tanner, the girl who had been shot. When she came to, she told the police she knew who shot her. He used to be her boyfriend and didn't cope well with their break-up. Well, that's the fucking understatement of the century! Who in the hell goes around shooting their ex-girlfriends because they don't agree with the break-up?

She was even younger than I thought, only fifteen years old. But the wisest and oldest fifteen year old I had ever met.

At the gift store I picked up a tiny stuffed rabbit and made my way to her room. Her mother was already there, smiling widely at me as I came in.

"Jasper! How's our hero doing today?" Her voice sounded cheery. It struck me, because she usually sounded worried and tired. Something must've happened. Something good!

I rolled my eyes and gave Bree a kiss on her forehead. "What's she all happy about?" I asked the teenager.

"Oh, she's just happy I get to go home tomorrow," she answered in a bored tone. It took a few seconds for the information to get through to me, but when it did, I jumped.

"That's fucking fantastic!" I yelled, immediately slapping my hand in front of my mouth and mumbling "I'm sorry, Mrs. Tanner," while looking at her with wide, guilty eyes. She waved away my apology and pulled me into a hug. When she pulled back, I could see tears in her eyes.

"This is all you," she whispered. "I can never thank you enough for saving my baby."

I blushed and cleared my throat, very happy that Mr. Tanner chose that moment to walk in with celebratory drinks.

It was really nice to see Bree and her parents together. They were a real family who loved each other. I felt a little uncomfortable with Mr. Tanner slapping my back every once in a while and Mrs. Tanner calling me their hero. This made me accept their dinner invitation, with a lot of reluctance. But Bree's eyes were hopeful and I couldn't let the girl down.

The nurses had to kick us out as none of us wanted visiting hours to be over. With Mrs. Tanner hugging me one more time, I said goodbye. I couldn't stop smiling all the way home. Bree was going to be fine; perfect even. She would get to grow up, be loved, maybe even by a boy. Though I'd rip out the boy's heart if he ever tried to hurt her! Yeah, Bree would be great!

That night, I quickly fell into a deep and restful sleep.

* * *

**Hope you liked it!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey, so last update kind of went tits up and didn't show on FFnet right away. Though now it is...**

**Quick update! Why? Because I can! :)**

**A warm thank you to everyone still reading (and reviewing) my story! (About those reviews, I'm almost done, so if you didn't get a reply yet, it's coming!) And a very special thank you to my pre-reader KGQ and my beta Harrytwifan!**

**As always: Really, I don't own Twilight!**

* * *

"So, Jasper, why don't you tell me about your mother?" Dr Jones asked me during our therapy session. I didn't really understand why, as I really told him everything there was to say about Victoria.

"Haven't we been through this? Victoria is a cold-hearted bitch who never cared about me," I replied in a robotic voice. I didn't want to waste my time on her. I wanted to set Dr Jones straight on the projecting theory.

"No, tell me about your birth mother, about Charlotte," he clarified.

I sighed. What good would that do? She was never a part of my life; I didn't even know she existed until a few months ago. I didn't even know what to say about her. She was just an idea, someone I basically made up from what I wanted her to be. I had trouble putting any of that to words, so I didn't say anything.

"Let's start at the beginning. How did you feel when you found out she'd tried to find you?" Dr Jones asked.

"Angry," I replied.

"You're going to have to do better than that, Jasper," he pushed.

Fuck, I knew I did. The man just couldn't stop asking questions I had no answer to. He was still looking at me through his thick, black-rimmed glasses, making me nervous.

I let my eyes wander and stared out the window.

"I was angry, at the world, at James and Victoria, at whatever God there might be. I was so angry I could rip apart the whole of my existence."

"You weren't angry with your mother? After all, she's the one that gave you up for adoption."

I grabbed the armrests of my chair and clenched my teeth. "She didn't want to!" I hissed. "She came for me, she_ wanted_ me!"

"Did she? Did she really? Sixteen years is an awful long time for someone to wait, giving they really love you," he said.

I squeezed the armrests even tighter in my effort to keep calm and not lash out at Dr Jones. I was so close to lunging and beating those perfect white teeth from his mouth.

"I could see why she wanted Rosalie. She's perfect. Who wouldn't want a daughter like that? But you, Jasper, I can't see that happening. Who would want a pathetic boy like you?" he continued.

I jumped up from my chair, feeling hot white rage coursing through my veins.

"What the fuck would you know?" I screamed. "Just shut the fuck up! Shut up! Shut up!" My voice was becoming weaker and weaker. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up."

I slumped down on the floor and pulled my arms around myself, rocking back and forth. "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up."

I was no longer talking to Dr Jones, but to the voices in my own head._ He's right, you know. You're a failure._ "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up."_ You're not good enough. If you had been better, Victoria and James would've loved you. No one really likes you, Jasper!_ "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up."

"Jasper?" Dr Jones squatted down next to me. "Jasper, look at me."

I slowly came back to the room and glanced up at my therapist.

"Talk to me, Jasper. What are you feeling?" he asked me.

"I-I'm scared," I answered, "S-s-scared that this i-is it for me. N-no one c-could ever love me. I'm n-nothing." Tears were running down my cheek as I tried to voice my inner turmoil.

"Do you deserve to be loved, Jasper?"

This question was the hardest one to answer. He'd insinuated the day before that I didn't. And yesterday I had been ready to fight and tell him he was wrong. But now? Now I could feel the truth inside me, wanting to come out. But I couldn't, I couldn't let it out. I wouldn't survive the truth about myself.

"Tell me, Jasper. Do you think you deserve to be loved?" he asked me again.

I hung my shoulders and breathed in deeply. Laying myself bare and naked, I looked Dr Jones straight into his eyes and answered. "No."

"Who are you now? Are you the responsible and caring Jasper? Or are you a frightened boy?" He stood up and sat back in his chair. It took me a while to figure out what he was asking me, but the answer was simple.

"B-boy."

"Alright, I want to speak to the responsible and caring Jasper now. What would you say to the frightened child? The child that wants to be loved and cared for?" he asked, gesturing me to sit back in my chair as well.

"I-I don't know," I answered. He stood up and took a pillow from the couch behind him and sat back down.

"Here," he said, throwing me the pillow. "That's the boy, Jasper, that's your inner child. Talk to him."

"No!" I yelled, and threw the pillow across the room like it was a smouldering lump of coal.

"Why not, Jasper? Why won't you comfort the scared little boy?" he pressed.

"Because I won't!" I yelled. I only then realized that I had gotten up from the chair again. "I won't do it! I hate him! I_ hate_ him!"

"Sit down," Dr Jones said.

After standing tensed, and breathing in and out heavily for a few more seconds, I sat down and returned my gaze to the window.

"We're nearing the end of this session," he said, looking at his watch. "I want you to do some homework, Jasper."

I turned my head to face him and noticed him writing something down on his pad.

"This weekend you will do three things. First, you are going to write down how you feel about yourself. On this list you will write down everything you like and dislike about yourself. Second, I want you to call Rosalie and ask her to write a list as well. She can e-mail it to me. Here's my mail address." He passed me a sheet from his pad and continued. "Third, you will ask Rosalie to read out to you the letter your mother wrote you."

I started to object, but he silenced me with a scrutinizing stare.

"It's time you faced your fears, Jasper. I understand your view of her is very important to you, but I feel that a fantasy is doing you no good."

He stood up and walked over to his desk to check his calender. "I'll see you... Monday at four?" he asked as he looked up at me. I nodded in reply and picked up my jacket.

"Jasper," he started, but I already knew his question.

"Because I want to really help people," I replied before he could finish.

"Still not good enough," he said.

I opened the door to leave, but paused and turned to face Dr Jones.

"You didn't really mean those things, did you?" I asked him.

"No, Jasper, I was only trying to voice what I knew you felt deep inside," he answered and smiled.

With that in mind, I walked out, closing the door behind me.

That Saturday I worked on my list. Fuck, this was hard. So far, I had only written down what I disliked about myself:

- I am very secretive, I keep things from others that I shouldn't.  
- I am selfish, I usually keep thing I did to hurt others  
- I hurt the people I love without them deserving it.  
- I'm weak.  
- I'm a frightened pathetic little boy that can't seem to pull himself together and grow the fuck up! I'm not working hard enough to get my shit together! I'm just a la**zy ass idiot who can never seem to do anything right! It's no wonder I have no friends at all, who on earth would want to be my fucking friend! I'm despicable!  
****- I'm a fucking waste of your fucking time, Dr Jones!**

Reading over it again, I could see I'd written larger and pressed the pen harder with every word. Fuck, this was hard!

For the past two hours, I'd been trying to come up with a single thing I liked about myself. Contemplating giving up, it finally hit me. I grinned cockily and wrote down the one thing I could think of.

.

"Hey, Rosalie?" I asked tentatively as I heard her pick up the phone.

_"Jasper! I was just about to call you. What's up sweety?"_ she answered.

"Well, I was with Dr Jones yesterday and he wanted me to ask you something," I said softly and paused for a few seconds. "He uhm, he wanted me to ask you to make a list of what you like and dislike about me and uhm, he wants you to mail it to him."

_"Jasper?"_ she asked.

"Yeah?"

_"On a scale of one to ten, how hard was that to ask?"_

I was surprised by her question. Why on earth would she want to know that?

"Eleven," I answered her truthfully.

The silence on the other side of the line was unnerving. I didn't know what else to say, so I waited for her to speak again. After about a minute, she sighed.

_"Jazz, babe, you can ask me for anything. I'd be happy to do this for you and much, much more."_

Her voice sounded off, like she was crying.

Fuck! Here I was asking her selfish questions while she was crying._ You're a fucking idiot, Jasper! You didn't even ask how she was doing before you dumped your shit on her!_

"Rosalie? What's wrong?" I asked.

_"Nothing's wrong, Jazz. I'm fine,"_ she said, but I could hear she was lying. But heck, I wouldn't tell me what was wrong either. I was so fucking full of shit. What could I do but make it worse? Whatever it was.

"Sorry for asking, I-I understand. You don't want to tell me, that's okay. I'll stop bothering you. Forget the list, I sh-shouldn't have asked," I muttered and quickly hung up.

I grabbed the pen and my list and added 'inconsiderate' at the bottom. What the hell was I doing? Why was I making everyone miserable by clinging to them? I should just accept my life and stop trying to force myself on people.

My phone rang and I was surprised to see the caller ID.

"Rosalie?" I asked.

_"Would you fucking stop trying to please me? Jesus, Jazz! You want to know what's wrong? You telling me it's hard to ask me to write a fucking list! You're breaking my heart!"_ she yelled at me.

I was dumbstruck for a moment before I shook my head and answered. "I'm sorry, Rosalie, I really am. Don't cry because of me, please. I'm sorry I'm making you cry. I-"

_"Stop it!"_ she cut me off, screaming._ "Just stop it! I don't want you apologizing! I want you to fucking understand how much I love you! I want you to see how freaking special you are!"_

She soundedhysterical, and the words left my mouth automatically.

"I-I'm sorry, I-"

_"If you say you're fucking sorry ONE MORE TIME, I'm coming over there to slap you!"_ she yelled.

"Okay, I-I won't," I replied and inhaled deeply to calm myself.

_"I'm writing that list for you and that's that. Now, is there anything else I can do for you? I'm serious, Jasper, you can ask me anything,"_ she said while sniffing softly. She still sounded angry, but at least she wasn't screaming at me any more.

"Well, actually, Dr Jones wanted me to ask you something else," I started. "Could you read out my letter to me? He thinks that I should know what it says.

_"Oh, Jazz, of course I will. I've actually wanted to ask you the same thing. I've been thinking and I want to know what she wrote. Will you read me mine?"_ she asked.

"Yeah, yeah, of course I will. Do you want me to read you yours first? I have it here." I replied.

When she said yes, I carefully opened her letter and started reading.

.

_Los Angeles, October 15th 2002_

_Dear Rosalie,_

_As I'm writing this letter, I'm thinking about the conversation I just had with your grandmother. She told me_

_how you came home, head over heals in love with a boy from school. It brings a smile to my face,knowing_

_you are happy._

_I was very sad to hear your parents died, but glad you have such a warm and loving woman in your life to be there for you. She's very wise, Rosalie, you should always treasure her advice._

_I'm sorry I didn't get to see your beautiful face in person, but I understand. I just look forward to the letters_

_your grandmother writes me. They make me feel like I'm getting to know you, even if it's just a little._

_From what I read and heard, you are becoming a strong woman. Never scared to voice your opinion. I'd like to think you got that from me. I was always a little hot-headed._

_There's so much I want to say to you, so much I'd like to give you. But I don't have the time. I wish I did._

_I love you with all my heart and I know that you will grow into a wonderful and independent woman. I'm so proud of you, Rosalie._

_You and your brother will always be a part of me, cherished in my heart. For all of eternity._

_Goodbye, my wonderful daughter._

_Forever yours,_

_Charlotte Hale_

_._

_"Wow,"_ Rosalie said once I finished reading._ "I didn't even know that Nana was writing her. She told me later that Charlotte wanted to meet me, but I wasn't ready. I already had a mother and she just died. I wonder if Charlotte wrote to Nana as well."_

"Head over heels, eh?" I joked. "Don't let your fiancé hear about that one."

I gasped as soon as I realized what I had said. I was just caught up in the moment. The letter was beautiful and warm and loving and the joke just left my mouth. This wasn't a good time to be thinking about Edward. Really not a good time. His green eyes and his wonderfully messy hair and-_ Stop it, Jasper! Don't do this to yourself!_

_"Jasper? You want me to read your letter now?"_ Rosalie interrupted my self-destructing train of thoughts. I cleared my throat and readied myself for the contents of my mother's words.

"Y-yeah, please do."

.

_Los Angeles, October 15th 2002_

_Dear Jasper,_

_When I think of you, I'm lost for words. And how often I think about you, my son._

_Mrs Burns gave me a picture of you. It's an old picture, but I can see you are the spitting image of your_

_father. I imagine you look like him even more now._

_I'm writing you this letter, hoping you will one day get to read it. I know I will not be there when you do. My_

_days are ending soon. At the same time, I'm hoping you will never read this. As I see it, it would mean that you have no need for me. You would have everything I want for you. A life full of love and family._

_I wished I could have been the one giving you that life. However, things don't always go the way you want them to and I've missed my chance._

_There isn't a single day I don't regret not standing up to my parents. I was so lost back then, so young. Your father got sent off to a school in Europe by his parents. I missed him and needed him, but our parents wouldn't let us have any contact._

_When you and your sister were born, I got to hold you for a while. You were so small and so beautiful._

_Sleeping in my arms while I memorized every single detail of your tiny face._

_I would understand it if you didn't believe me, but I do love you. I loved you the moment I knew I was_

_pregnant. As you moved and let me know you were really there, alive and well. I loved you as I lay my eyes on you and hoped the moment would never pass. And I still love you, every day, forever._

_I'm dying, Jasper. How I wish I wasn't, how I wish I could see your face just one more time and tell you I am proud of you. Proud of my beautiful little baby, growing into such a beautiful young man._

_You and your sister are with me, in my heart. You are and will always be my everything._

_Goodbye, my darling son._

_Forever yours,_

_Charlotte Hale_

_._

I couldn't speak. I opened my mouth, but the sounds would literally not leave my throat. I could feel hot tears streak down my cheeks, but I didn't care. I was trying to breathe properly, but all I could do was try and suck oxygen through my swollen airways in short shallow hitches. I was starting to feel a little light headed, and let myself fall back against the headboard of my bed.

_"Jasper?"_ Rosalie asked._ "Are you still there? Jasper? Talk to me!"_

I tried to speak again, but the only sound I could produce was a tortured squeak.

_"Jazz, baby, just breathe, okay?"_ Rosalie said._ "Come on, sweety, slow deep breaths."_

She kept talking to me while I slowly calmed down. The emotions were simply too overwhelming. I'd imagined my mother as a perfect woman who loved me and wanted me. The knowledge that this wasn't a fantasy, but reality, had me more confused then ever. How? Why? And more importantly, how?

"S-she really did love me," I finally said.

_"Of course she did, Jasper. Why else would she have wanted to meet you?"_ Rosalie stated logically.

"B-but do you think she still would've loved me if she had known me?" I asked.

_"I say she would've, yes. But I don't expect you to believe that yet. For now, just accept that she wanted and loved us very much. Will you do that, Jasper?"_ Rosalie replied.

"Yeah, I think. Thank you, Rosalie," I said. "I really need some time to think now. Will you be okay?"

_"I'll be fine, Jasper. Will you?"_ she returned my question.

"Yeah, I think I will be," I answered, as realization came over me. I would be okay. I still had a long way to go, but I swore I would be okay.

_"Okay, sweety, call me if you want to talk. Doesn't matter what time. I'll always be here for you, Jasper."_

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know!**_  
_


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey everyone! Thank you for all the amazing reviews! You cheered up my otherwise really bad week! :) I'm glad you're all still with me!**

**I'm glad a lot of you like Dr Jones and think he's a good therapist... The therapy sessions are loosely based on Transational Analysis therapy, or simply TA. I say loosely because I am in no way a therapist. I based the sessions mostly on my own experiences with TA. Probably no-one is, but if you're interested in it, you should read up on Eric Berne and his books. 'Games people play' is also an awesome book to understand and improve communication. I know that TA has gotten a lot of critique over the years because Berne's books were being used as self-help books, which really doesn't help. But TA is a really good method to work on personality disorders while under the care of trained experts.**

**Now before I go on with the story, I want to thank some people... My awesome friend and pre-reader KGQ and lovely Loopylou992, you guys are the best and keep me sane! And of course the bestest beta in the world, Harrytwifan! You guys are amazing!**

**Disclaimer: I have short dark hair, blue eyes and a scar on my chin. Stephanie Meyer does not!**

* * *

On Monday, I handed my list to Dr Jones. He read it over and cocked an eyebrow.

"Really, Jasper? The only thing you like about yourself is that you think you're 'one good-looking motherfucker'?" he chuckled.

I shrugged my shoulders and sat down in the familiar chair.

"I don't even know why this makes me laugh," the man said while shaking his head. "To be honest, it's quite depressing."

"What, is it one of my many delusions?" I asked him with a grin on my face.

"No, that's not it," he said. He stared at me for a moment, like he was carefully choosing his next few words. "What is depressing, is that you seem to be perfectly capable of writing down what you dislike about yourself, but when I ask you to point out your positive sides, this is the only thing you can come up with."

"Well, I had to write something down," I said, again shrugging my shoulders.

"Okay, we'll leave the list for now," he said. "There's something else I'd like to talk to you about today."

I raised my eyebrows questioningly.

"Edward."

I winced involuntarily and averted my eyes.

"Jasper," Dr Jones started.

"Doctor Jones," I replied, and turned my head to look him directly in his eyes, challenging him to go on.

"Jasper, we will have to talk about this some time," he tried.

"Not today," I stated.

"Jasper, help me out here. This is obviously something that is very important."

"Not today," I repeated.

"Okay, fine," he said and sighed deeply. "What_ do_ you want to talk about?"

I thought about his question for a while. I could go back to the 'safe' topic of Victoria and James, or even Carmen, but that didn't really help. They were just the outer layers, things that could be easily grasped and explained. No, we were beyond the memories. I knew what I should be talking about. I should be going to the very core of my issues.

"What you said the other day," I said as I eyed him wearily, "about me hating myself. I think you might have a point."

Dr Jones gestured me to go on, so I took a deep breath.

"Well, I've been thinking," I continued. "When I look at myself, there's no pride or sense of worth. Not like when I look at Rosalie, for instance. When she read me my letter, I was so scared that I had failed my mother. I was afraid she'd have all these expectations and that I would never be able to fulfill them. That I wouldn't be worthy of her love. But there weren't any. Nothing. She just wrote she loved me and that she was proud of me, no strings attached. But how could she? I failed everyone, most of all myself!"

"Jasper, do you think that love needs to be earned?" Dr Jones asked me.

"Well, yeah, of course it needs to be earned!" I replied without thinking.

He looked at me for a while. "Then what did you do to earn Rosalie's love, or Carmen's?"

"I-I," I tried, but couldn't think of anything.

"What did they do to earn your love?" he went on.

"I don't know, it just happened. They were nice, I guess," I answered quickly, wanting to know where these questions would lead.

"Are you a nice person, Jasper?" he asked me without pause.

"I-I, I don't know. I try to be. I try to make them happy." I was getting really confused with the rapid firing of questions.

"You try to make a lot of people happy, don't you, Jasper?" he continued.

"Well, yeah, I guess I do. It doesn't always work, though. I can't make everyone happy," I admitted.

"Have you ever seriously considered making yourself happy?" he asked.

I thought about this question for a very long time before I answered.

"No."

And that was the utter truth of it. I never once thought about what would make me happy. My life didn't work that way. It was always about what was expected of me. Do this, Jasper. Make us proud, Jasper. Earn more money, Jasper. Be fucking perfection, Jasper.

No one ever asked me what I wanted; no one ever cared. Why the hell should I care?

I stared out the window at a large elm tree. There was always that same tree, standing proud in the middle of the square outside Dr Jones' office. There always would be, safe and reliable. I wondered if I would see the leaves drop in the autumn. Maybe even watch it bloom in spring. How long would it take for me to get better?

"The frightened boy, Jasper. Why do you hate him so much?" Dr Jones pulled me from my musings. He was sitting at the end of his chair, intently observing me.

I didn't answer right away, turning my attention back to the beautiful tree outside. Reliable and safe. Each year it would go through the same cycle. Seasons came and went, but nothing really changed. It didn't need much to survive, and it was perfectly content with all that was given to it. Water, sunlight and a place to root. It didn't try to get close to the other trees. It didn't need them. It was safe and reliable in never trying to take more than it needed.

"He's selfish, he wants too much," I said without looking at my therapist.

"I think he wants something we all want, Jasper. Something we all need to survive," he replied.

"Yeah, well, it's his own fault. He ruined everything," I whispered, "wanting things he shouldn't want, things he can't have."

How nice would it be to be that tree? To be happy with what you have?

"Is that why you hate yourself? Do you really hate yourself for wanting to be loved? For still wanting your adoptive parents to love you?" Dr Jones asked, and I slowly turned my head to face him. I thought about his questions until I couldn't stand it any longer.

He was right. I did still want them to love me and accept me for who I was. And that made me so fucking angry. It was pathetic! I should just cut my losses and go on, but I was stuck! Stuck, hoping my dad would play with me. Stuck, waiting for my mother to show up at my school play. Stuck, hoping that one day someone might actually see me and say; 'Hey, I see you, I want you!'

"It hurts, okay? I just want it to fucking stop hurting! I know that I'm not the kind of person people want to know or love. I figured that out long ago. But I can't fucking stop wanting it anyway!" I yelled. "I want them to just stop and look at me, look at who I really am! Listen to what_ I_ want for a change!"

"How are they supposed to do that, if you won't show them who you are?" Dr Jones said, standing up. "It's time. I'd like to ask you to think about what you actually want tonight and I'll see you tomorrow at two."

I was still shaking with anger, so I just nodded.

"Oh, and Jasper? Tell me why you want to be a trauma surgeon."

I just sighed and rolled my eyes at him before answering.

"Because I really want to help people," I hissed through my teeth. I was really growing tired of this game.

"Not good enough," he replied cheerily.

"Stop telling me it's not fucking good enough!" I snapped. "I'm so fucking tired of people telling me what not to do! If I want to be a fucking trauma surgeon, I will be a fucking trauma surgeon! I don't want to be a hotshot plastics guy! I want to be in the rush of things! To feel really good about myself for saving someone's life! I enjoy the fucking rush and the adrenaline! I want the challenge of having to think fast and make the right choice! I love that challenge! So don't you fucking tell me my reason isn't good enough!"

I just stood there, throwing him daggers with my eyes, still heavily panting and shaking with rage. Dr Jones chuckled and opened his desk drawer, pulling out a large yellow envelope.

"That," he said as he flung the envelope at me, "is a good enough reason!"

I just barely caught the envelope and opened it. Inside was a stack of brochures and different applications to a variety of medical programs in the US. I looked up at the man in confusion.

"Jasper, for the first time, you said you wanted to be a trauma surgeon because it's what's good for_ you_," he said.

I still didn't understand, and the confusion must have been clear on my face, because Dr Jones continued on explaining.

"I know you want to help people. We've been through this today; you want to make other people happy. You shouldn't change your specialty to make other people happy. If you did, we'd be having this same conversation about switching to heart surgery in five years. I just needed to know this change would make_ you_ happy, and now I do."

When I called Rosalie, I excitedly told her about my plans. I asked her if she would be interested in visiting some of the schools with me the following week. She was more than willing to help me pick one. I couldn't wait for her to get here; only four more days. Which also meant three more days until the wedding, but I tried not to think about that.

The urge to ask her about Edward was getting stronger and stronger. I wanted to know how he was doing. What his plans were for their supposed honeymoon. I wanted to know what he thought about my choice to change specialties. I basically wanted to know everything about him. But I couldn't. I ruined everything when I wrote Rosalie that parting letter. I should've just told her and made sure she wouldn't tell him.

Well, that was all over and done with. There was nothing I could actually change about the fact that Edward knew I was in love with him. I just had to wait for it to pass, or at least get less powerful. Until then, I would just stay out of his way and ignore his very existence.

I went over the flight details with Rosalie and promised to pick her up at the airport. After that she spent a full twenty minutes telling me how much she loved me before saying goodbye. When I was about to say goodnight, I could hear him in the background.

_"Hey, is that Jasper?"_ Edward asked her. She probably nodded, because I didn't her hear reply before he spoke again._ "Tell him I said hi."_

Rosalie didn't tell me anything. She knew I didn't want to hear a single thing concerning Edward. But it was already too late; I'd heard it, and my mind was in full Edward-mode again. I made a split decision without really going over the pros and cons.

"Rosalie? Tell him I said hi as well," I said. I could hear her gasp, but stopped her before she could reply. "Goodnight and sweet dreams!" I added before I hung up.

I rested back against the headboard of my bed. Just hearing his voice brought all the pain and longing to the surface. If I could just know how he was doing. But I couldn't ask Rosalie. She would try and talk me into speaking with him. I needed a safe way to ask her, so the phone was definitely out.

What if I texted her? She could text me back and I could carefully read it and stop whenever it said something I didn't want to know or hear. Yeah, texting was a good solution. I picked up my phone and thought really hard about what I should ask.

**I will probably hit myself for asking later, but how is he doing? Jasper**

I hit the send button and waited. It took forever before my phone let me know I had a message. With shaking hands I opened the text.

**I'm a little surprised, but yeah. To be honest, he's miserable. He asks about you, a lot. He really wants to talk to you. X R**

Fuck! That's not going to happen. I quickly wrote my reply.

**I can't, Rosalie. I can't hear his voice and hear the rejection. I love him too fucking much to be able to survive that. Please understand. Jasper**

Right after I sent it, I realized I forgot something really important. So I wrote a second text.

**Please don't let him read this sappy bullshit. He's got enough reason to hate me as is. Jasper**

I waited for a reply to tell me she wouldn't show him.

**Jazz, he really doesn't hate you. If you would just talk to him. X R**

My reply was short and quick.

**Don't!**

I waited to see if she would reply, but she didn't. I regretted sending the text in the first place. What happened was exactly what I expected would happen. And now I was fucking thinking about him again. Jesus Christ, how much could love really hurt? How long would it take to get over the guy?

Four more days of endless therapy sessions, lonely take-out dinners, and boring television shows later, I woke up in excitement. Today I would see Rosalie again! She would be arriving in about three hours and we would have three whole weeks together. I couldn't fucking wait! I even brought down my therapy to two sessions a week for the whole visit. Dr Jones wasn't very happy with that, but hell, she didn't cross an ocean to visit me on a monthly basis!

I quickly showered, got dressed and had breakfast. After that I checked, double-checked, and triple-checked the guest bedroom. Everything was ready. Clean towels, fresh sheets, brand new toothbrushes. Of course, Rosalie would probably bring her own toothbrush, but I wasn't taking any risks. This visit needed to be perfect!

_Really, Jasper? After all that therapy?_

"Just shut the fuck up!" I told myself out loud. This visit was important to me and I would do anything to make Rosalie happy.

I drove my car to the airport and arrived about forty minutes early. I decided to go for a cup of coffee, but rigidly ignored Starbucks and got one at a tiny café. I was tapping my fingers on the table and my legs couldn't stop moving. Nerves were racing through my body. This would be Rosalie's first time in America since she moved all those years ago.

When the arrival of the flight from San Francisco was called, I quickly paid my bill and hurried to the hall of arrivals. There were so many people waiting for their friends and family, that I was worried I wouldn't see my sister. I pushed myself through the masses to get closer to the double doors she would be coming through.

When I finally reached the doors and they pushed open, I almost made a run for it. Instead I was frozen, like a dear caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. Just the same, because this car would definitely run me over and crush the life out of me. I had trouble keeping the bile from rising in my throat. This could fucking not be happening. She couldn't do this to me! She wouldn't, would she?

A pair of green eyes met mine and my world shook violently. I still couldn't move, nor speak for that matter. I could just stare as he ran towards me. It only took him three large strides to reach me, where he just stood still and looked at me for a moment.

But then his lips were on mine. My God they were soft, but rough at the same time. I instinctively closed my eyes and something stirred in my stomach, something warm and tingling. It traveled up my spine and raised the hairs in the back of my neck like they were sparkling with electricity. He nipped at my bottom lip, and I couldn't even begin to stop the moan rising from deep within my throat.

I tentatively raised my hand to fist his wonderful wild locks, trying to get our mouths even closer together. When his hands grabbed my waist, I gasped at the touch. His strong tongue met mine and I thought for a second I was going to faint. As my knees buckled, he held on to me tighter, pulling my body flush against his.

Fuck, if I'd have known kissing could be like this, I would've tried it before. Though I couldn't imagine kissing anyone other than the man who was now in my arms. He tasted like tea––sweet and bitter at the same time. The taste was so him, so perfect.

His tongue was seductively curling, his mouth slightly opened, like mine. I could feel his hot breath on my lips and chin while he was slightly panting. He broke the kiss but didn't pull away. Instead, he nuzzled my cheek with his lips still inches from my mouth.

"Jasper," he whispered, before placing soft gentle kisses upon my parted lips. I was so overwhelmed by his mere existence that I couldn't answer. I just wanted, no, needed his lips back on mine for all eternity. With a confidence I didn't recognize, I pushed my mouth back against his, our tongues once again dancing a sensual dance. I would be nothing less than happy if this could go on forever.

When he pulled away from me, it was too soon. He rested his forehead against mine as we breathed heavily.

"Edward," I sighed. I was still a little shocked to see him, let alone be kissed by him. Why was he even here? And why on earth had this gorgeous man been kissing me like his life depended on it?

I opened my eyes and looked straight into his beautiful green ones. He stared at me, searching, but for what, I didn't know. When I smiled the tiniest of smiles, unsure of what just happened, he gently kissed the tip of my nose and grinned widely.

"Here I was, trying to get you two to talk. Turns out I should've proposed you kissing each other instead." Rosalie's voice pulled me back into reality and I felt a blush cover my cheeks.

I pulled my shit together and turned to face her. "You!" I yelled angrily, and I could feel Edward tense beside me. "That is a fucking shitty trick to pull on me, you know that right?"

"Jasper, it's my fault, honestly," Edward said and grabbed my wrist. He probably thought I was going to lash out at his fiancé. No wait, his_ wife_! I quickly pulled my hand away from him and the hurt look on his face stabbed at my heart.

Oh, fuck me! This could seriously not be happening. I backed away from the both of them, my hands raised in defense. This was too much, too fucking much. My heart was trying to beat it's way out of my chest. My ears were fucking pounding. I could feel cold sweat form on my back. I tried to breathe, but it felt like all the oxygen had escaped from the air and I was fucking suffocating. A rush of nausea and dizziness overcame me and then everything went dark.

* * *

**Uh-oh! *hides***


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm fail, I know! Bare with me, I'm still working on it!**

**Ty KGQ and Harrytwifan for your amazing help!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!**

* * *

I could hear voices in the background, but I had no way of understanding the whispered words. The fucking lights were killing me, even though my eyes were still closed. I reached my hand up to rub my eyes and block the light that was shining bright red through my eyelids, but it felt so fucking heavy.

I was laying down on some sort of bed._ What the hell happened?_ Thinking actually hurt, and my head felt like it had been hit with a fucking sledgehammer. I winced and let out a low groan.

"Jasper!"

Oh fuck, that was Rosalie. She can't fucking see me like this! Did I drink myself into oblivion again? The pain in my head could certainly be explained by that. But, no, I don't think I did._ Wait, so, last thing I remember?_ I was going to pick up Rosalie at the airport, yeah. But then-

"Jasper? Are you okay?"

_Fuck me!_ That's right, Edward was here. The asshole married my sister and then had the fucking nerve to humiliate me in the middle of the fucking hall of arrivals!

"Go away!" I tried to yell, but my voice sounded croaked and hoarse. To be honest, if my message was even understandable, I was sure it didn't contained a lot of conviction.

I felt a warm hand rub my biceps and it felt good. My God, did that feel good. The trouble with things that felt this good was that they tended to raise a smile to your face. I couldn't stop it if I tried, and sighed blissfully.

"Jazz? Please open those pretty blue eyes," Rosalie said, and I wanted to do what she asked. However, it felt like my eyelids were glued together, and every attempt to open them felt like a hundred tiny needles were stabbing my eyeballs.

"Hurts," I moaned, and the warm hand that had been rubbing my arm now cupped my cheek.

Soft but firm lips touched my forehead and I could smell his scent._ Fuck no!_ My eyes shot open and I stared right into his. I pushed him away and tried to get up, but Rosalie was keeping me down.

"Get the fuck away from me!" I yelled at Edward, whose eyes were wide with shock. They were clearly filled with pain, but frankly, I couldn't care less about his feelings right about now.

"What are you playing at?" I asked angrily.

"I-I'm not, I-," he tried, but I wasn't having it. I tried to get away from Rosalie's iron grip, struggling to free myself and lunge. I realized she wasn't going to let go and I didn't want to hurt her.

"Fuck!" Edward cried in frustration while spinning his back towards me. "This was not the way I wanted to say this," he muttered to no one in particular. He slowly turned to face me and inched a bit closer.

"Jasper, I'm not trying to play you. This isn't some game to me. I-," he said. His voice was still somewhatcalm, but bordering on hysterics. "Shit! I'm a bloody mess, okay? I have been since you left and I didn't understand!"

He grabbed my hand and I wanted to pull it from his grasp, but my body wouldn't physically let me.

"But now I do. Please, Jasper! Please believe me when I say I'm completely and undeniably in love with you!" His eyes were pleading, but I couldn't take it. Not if it wasn't true. And it couldn't be, could it? Edward hated me!

"I don't believe you," I whispered, my hand still in his.

My sister leaned in, grabbed my chin, and forced my head to face her.

"Jasper, sweety. Do you really think I would have brought him along if I hadn't been a hundred percent sure he was sincere?"

Her eyes bore into mine with a piercing stare, basically telling me to stop my bullshit. And I trusted her. I trusted her more than anyone else in this entire fucked-up world. I lowered my gaze in guilty conscience and said "No", only there was no sound.

I eyed Edward, who was looking at me with a hopeful yet sad look on his face. There was no contempt in his eyes whatsoever. I threw him a shy smile and I could see the breath leaving his body that he had no doubt unconsciously held. Rosalie let go of my chin and stepped back.

"So, you're really not shitting me then?" I asked, barely audible, still not entirely sure. Edward slowly approached me with a shit-eating grin and cupped my cheeks with both his hands.

"I am most certainly not shitting you, Jasper," he said, before he leaned in an kissed me chastely. I couldn't help but whimper at his touch, which he answered with a chuckle.

_My God, Jasper! Stop acting like the hormonal virgin you are and at least try to let him think you're a man!_ I cleared my throat as he pulled back, amazed by the feeling still lingering on my lips. His kisses really were intoxicating.

"Are we going to stand here all day?" Rosalie asked, and I answered her with an angry glance. I was still mad at her for putting me on the spot like that. No matter what the situation had been, she'd tricked me.

Edward winked at me and helped me up from the bed.

"You want us to check into a hotel?" he asked me and I scowled at him.

"No, of course not!" I answered him. "We might have a bit of a problem with the sleeping arrangements, though. I have only one spare bedroom, and my couch isn't really that comfortable."

"Well," Rosalie said in a cheery tone, "I could always check into a hotel by myself."

I considered it for a moment, thinking of all the things I could do to Edward if we were alone. But truthfully, it scared the living daylights out of me. Would we just kiss? Would he want to have sex? Would I be the top or the bottom? No, I definitely needed a buffer!

"No!" I almost shouted.

Both Rosalie and Edward looked at me amused and I felt my head turn beat red._ Yeah, that was a great way to show your manhood, Jasper!_ Fucking hell, I'd thought that Edward_ not_ wanting me was hard. This was a lot harder, to be honest.

"I mean, I wouldn't want you to spend your time in LA in some hotel. I've invited you, so you're staying at my place. We'll figure it out," I explained. Well, it was part of the truth anyway.

"I do know another solution," she replied, wiggling her eyebrows at me. I eyed Edward and we both rolled our eyes at her.

"Oh, come on!" I said, and walked out of the first aid room with Edward and Rosalie on my heels.

.

The drive home was somewhat awkward. Rosalie insisted on sitting in the back seat, so Edward was sitting next to me in the passenger seat. He kept throwing me glances and reached out his hand a little towards me a couple of times. He didn't actually touch me, but my skin was on fire anyway from thinking about it.

In all honesty, I was a good driver –– a really good driver even. Still, I was causing near accidents left and right. My head was just not in it today. It was the tension; tension that turned me into a hormonal teenager with the emotional maturity of a rabbit. Jesus fucking Christ! What now? What on earth was I going to do with this man? Hell, I might look like a man, but inside? Inside, I was kid playing with a fucking grown up power tool.

I tried to get the thought out of my head by physically shaking it. This almost made me drive into the other lane, and I could hear the loud car horns of the cars behind me.

"Jasper, baby?" Rosalie called from the back seat. "Are you sure you have a license?"

I grunted and tightened my grip on the steering wheel. Edward threw me another burning look, and this time his hand actually touched me. He patted my thigh twice before he folded his hands back in his lap. And trust me when I say it was a bad fucking idea to follow that hand from the corner of my eye. I didn't notice that I had sped up and almost drove into the car in front of me.

I noticed a sign directing me to the next gas station and I quickly took the turn. Stopping in the parking lot, I turned to Edward.

"You," I said a little harshly, "back seat, now!"

He stared at me wide-eyed, but didn't move. Rosalie let out a chuckle and leaned in between our seats. Her eyes darted between me and Edward with a touch of amusement.

"I'm serious!" I exclaimed. "I would really like to get to my place with the car and all of us inside still intact._ You_ are making this extremely difficult!"

He was still looking confused when he unbuckled his seat belt, but heck if I cared. Jesus, the almost touches and piercing stares were way too distracting! Did he_ want_ me to kill us all?

He opened the car and got out with one of those long legs, before he turned back to me and cupped my face with his hand. His lips crashed to mine with force, making me gasp. There was a promise in that kiss, but I wasn't entirely sure what he was promising me. It left me dumbstruck, while he got into the back of the car.

With my hands back on the steering wheel, I breathed in deep and slowly breathed out again. I could do this. I could drive back to my apartment without crashing my car. I could do this without passing out from stress. And I could hopefully do it with the hard-on I was now sporting.

I adjusted the rear view mirror so it would not catch Edward's reflection, and set off back towards the expressway._ Breathe, Jasper. All you have to do is breathe._

_._

Entering my apartment, I felt a little ashamed. Their house was so warm and homey, while my place was cold and empty. It was modern and expansive and tasteful, but not a home. I used an interior decorator when I moved in and she picked everything; from the heavy white curtains, to the grey wooden floor and the black leather couch. I would change it sometime soon. Maybe paint a wall, put up some pictures. Yeah, I needed a home more like Rosalie and Edward's.

"All right, I'll show you around," I said as I picked up Rosalie's heavy suitcases and moved toward the spare bedroom. "Kitchen to the right, bathroom to the left, my bedroom is the left door straight ahead and this," I said while opening the door to the large spare, "is the guest bedroom."

"That isn't much of a tour," Edward replied. "I haven't_ seen_ anything."

I put down the suitcases and rolled my eyes at Edward.

"It's a 1200 square feet apartment. There isn't much to see, Edward," I said amused.

"Oh, I'm sure there is," he retorted and walked back into the hallway. Rosalie gave me a shove to follow him and turned to opening her suitcase.

He opened the doors one by one, looking around as if he was contemplating buying the place. When he opened the door to my bedroom, I was shuffling my feet. He peeked his head around the door and then turned it towards me.

"So, this is where- How do you Yanks say this? The_ magic_ happens?" he asked me with a grin on his face. Fucker!

"Uh, I eh-" I started, while feeling my cheeks redden. I cleared my throat._ Manly, Jasper! Get your shit together!_ I straightened my back a little.

"Yeah, my personal palace of pleasure," I answered. I tried to sound all confident, but wasn't sure if it was working.

"Palace of pleasure, eh? I'll have to get myself an invitation sometimes," he smirked. Fucker!

"So," I said a little louder so Rosalie would hear me, "will you two newlyweds be okay sharing the spare?"

"What newlyweds?" her voice called into the hallway, quickly followed by the woman herself. "Edward here stood me up. And fucking dramatic at that! I was already in my wedding dress when he burst through the doors screaming he wasn't going to marry me." She sounded angry, but the huge smile on her face was telling a different story.

"He was going on and on about how he couldn't go through with it, because he was in love with this guy. A guy, can you imagine that?" She winked at me and went on. "It's the tragedy of the century if you ask me. Perfect bride, being left at the altar by homosexual fiancé."

"Oh, shut it, Rosalie," Edward said. "There's nothing tragic about it and you know it."

"But daaaarling, how could you?" she replied in mock hurt. "Jasper, you should've seen his stepmother's face. She was all; 'Oh my God, my son is gay!' She even cried!" I couldn't help but laugh at the way Rosalie impersonated her ex-mother-in-law-to-be.

"Bloody drama queen, she's known I'm gay for 6 years," Edward said.

"S-so, you two are not married?" I asked just to make sure.

"What? You have a pair of socks up your ears? No, we are not married," Rosalie said, and I let out the breath I was unknowingly holding.

I turned to Edward. "But you need to get married to get your money!" I asked him in confusion.

"It was never the money I was after, Jasper," Edward told me. "I wanted to get back the house I grew up in. You have to understand, I was happy in that house. My mother was happy in that house. For all intents and purposes it was still my home. But I realized that a house is not a home when you don't share it with the people you love. My mother isn't there any more, my father isn't there any more, hell, even the dog died. It isn't my home, and it hasn't been for a long time."

"So, y-you're not planning on marrying some other woman?" I continued. I needed all the facts; I couldn't risk hoping without knowing for sure.

Edward walked up to me and hooked his thumbs through the loops on my jeans. He smelled so fucking good and he was so God damned warm. His proximity made it difficult for me to breathe._ Manly, Jasper, come on!_

"I have no plans of the sorts. In fact, I plan on swaying and courting this_ man_ I'm interested in. You might know him; blond hair, blue eyes, spitting image of my former fiancé?"

I knew he was mocking me, but who cared? His sexy British accent was making me weak in the knees, and I doubted it would take him much swaying and courting to get me right where he wanted me. The only thing was, I didn't know where the hell he wanted me. His bed? His life? He lived on the other side of a fucking ocean!

His eyes searched mine questioningly. "What's going on inside that head of yours, Jasper?" he asked. and I could hear a bit of worry in his voice.

I decided those were questions for another time. Now I just wanted to hold him and make sure he was really there. I lay my hands on his waist and pulled him a little closer.

"Kiss me?" I asked tentatively.

When he didn't move, still looking for answers in my eyes, I swallowed nervously. With a confidence I didn't feel, I leaned in and pressed my mouth against his.

Edward kept staring at me and he wasn't giving in. I nipped at his bottom lip and his eyes widened before he let out a soft moan and closed them. He parted his lips and met my tongue with his. Internally smiling, I let my lashes fall and deepened the kiss.

Kissing Edward was definitely addictive, but I wouldn't be needing any 12-step program. I would indulge in this man and his gorgeous lush lips and take whatever he would give me. He already owned the biggest part of me––my heart.

When the kiss ended, I looked around a bit flushed and dazed. Rosalie was gone. She probably felt uncomfortable watching us kiss and went back to unpacking. It was kind of an idiot move to go about kissing people with others watching. And now what? I was still standing with my hands on Edwards waist. His hand had roamed to my back during the kiss and he was pressed up against me, both mine and his arousal obviously pressing against each other.

If I were entirely truthful, I'd have liked to stand here like this forever. Or maybe pull him into my bedroom and try and get even closer. But I didn't even have a clue on how that would work. Well, I did have a clue; I had seen enough porn to know the mechanics of it. However, I had never really been with a guy before.

What would he expect of me? I couldn't really ask him, now could I? He'd be running for the door if I told him how utterly inexperienced I was. It was better to let him think I had been with dozens of guys. I just had to act all confident and knowledgeable. Better watch some of those movies again tonight and get some pointers.

"Jasper?" Edward interrupted my thoughts. "You look bloody adorable when you're crunching your brain like that, but I'd rather know what you're thinking."

"Coffee?" I blurted out, trying to avoid telling him what exactly I was thinking.

Edward sighed and pulled away from me. "Tea please, if you have some," he answered, and I rushed to the kitchen.

I thought I had some tea somewhere, Victoria always drank tea when she came over. With a little search, I came up with a box of English blend. Perfect! English men would drink English tea, right?

I called out to Rosalie to ask what she would be having, which was of course, tea. With one steaming mug of my favorite Brazilian coffee blend, two cups of tea, and a carton of milk, I juggled my way to the living room. Rosalie was standing near my piano and Edward was sitting on the couch.

I sat down the mugs and handed Edward the milk. Rosalie quickly sat down in the chair behind me, forcing me to join him on the couch. She chuckled as I rolled my eyes and sat down.

Edward did his cute little tea thing, where he would add some sugar, stir, add milk, stir, smell, add sugar, stir, add milk and stir again. I had watched him perform this ritual thousands of times back in London, but it never seemed to get any less adorable.

I just drank my coffee black, no sugar, no hassle. Just the perfect taste of bitter perfection. I carefully sipped the hot liquid and sat back.

I could see Edward bring the cup to his mouth and take a sip. He quickly spit back into the cup and turned to me.

"That is disgusting!" he yelled. "What did you do? Pour water over last night's leftovers?"

I was a bit shocked by this outburst. I knew the man was serious about his tea, but it was regular English blend. Tea was tea, right? Just flavored water, right?

"Well, no, I just used a regular teabag," I answered.

"You Americans really don't understand tea, do you? Thank God I brought my own," he said as he stood up. "Give that here, Rosalie, I'll make you a proper cuppa."

I watched in awe as he pulled a tin and a teaball from his bag. He walked into the kitchen and I followed him, looking at his preparations from the doorway. He turned on the electric kettle, even though the water in it was still hot, and rinsed the two cups.

He carefully filled the teaball with fresh tea and closed it. When the water was boiling, he poured it into the cups, added the teaball, and waited. When the first cup was to his satisfaction, he put the teaball into the other cup and waited again.

"See and learn, Jasper. This is how you make tea," he said in a serious tone, and I couldn't help but chuckle. God, I never knew someone could be so anal about a cup of tea.

When both cups were ready, he picked them up and took them back to the living room. Going through the entire sugar and milk cycle, he looked at me from the corner of his eye. I was still glaring at him with an amused look on my face.

"Oh, don't give me that," he said. "you should've seen yourself when you drank my coffee!"

"That was not coffee!" I replied in horror. "That was water mixed with tar!"

"I rest my case," he replied. Rosalie was just laughing at our bickering.

"I just don't see the difference between the two cups of tea. How could it taste so differently? I just put the bag in the cup and poured hot water over it. There, done, cup of tea," I said. I knew I was taunting him a bit, but he looked all cute and flustered when he was angry,

"You- Hot water- And- What?" he tried, and then silently glared at me for a moment. "You are messing with me, aren't you?" he then concluded.

"Well, not entirely, but maybe a little," I answered and chanced a quick peck on his cheek.

He threw me a wonderfully crooked smile that went straight to my groin. "You're lucky I'm in love with you," he joked.

"Yes," I replied. "Yes I am."

Edward blushed and quickly took a sip of his selfmade tea. After he sat the cup down, he turned to me and cupped my face."Just don't mess with my tea," he said and slapped my cheek a couple of times before pulling back his hand.

.

We spent the entire day catching up on the last few weeks. I told Edward about being in therapy and how it was going. He told me about his job and how he had a few appointments with a psychologist as well. I was surprised to hear that someone like Edward would ever need to talk to a professional. It wasn't like he was a messed-up nut case like me.

He told me about his parents and his stepmother. When his mother died, his father remarried after just a few months. Edward knew now that his father just wasn't able to be alone. They moved into the house next to Rosalie's grandmother's, leaving his childhood home empty and deserted on the other side of the city. That was when the fuckery started. Edward Cullen, Sr. had still been very much in love with his dead wife––a fact his new wife resented. She resented the fact that he didn't want any more children with her even more.

From what Edward told me, it seemed to me that she was trying to change his father's mind by trying to break father and son apart. He was sent to boarding school and barely ever saw his father. Each time he went home, his stepmother made sure there were fights and misunderstandings. Slowly, Edward lost his father's love, or so it seemed to him.

The final straw came when Edward went home from a particularly interesting semester, where he had fallen for a boy. It had been his very first crush, and the boy returned his feelings. Together they experimented with their sexuality, until they got caught making out one day. It had been a week before Christmas break and the school immediately called his father.

When he came home, his stepmother screamed at him. She said he was disgusting and wrong. His father just sat there; silent, unmoving. When her rant was over, she told Edward that she and his father had discussed it. Edward could stay until he was 18, as he spent most his time in school anyway. If he didn't found it in himself to change by then, he wouldn't be welcome after that.

His father just looked at him with a pained expression and said he was sorry. How fucking sorry could he have been? I thought that the bitch that married his father had him under her thumb. This was another of her scheming ways to drift Edward and his father apart, and she succeeded.

Their relationship was never saved. Edward pretended to go after girls and even dated one for a while, but it didn't matter. It wasn't the real issue, so it wouldn't make a difference. When he was 19, he told them he was gay and wouldn't change that for anyone, even if he could. They kicked him out and the old man wrote a ridiculous will, in which he demanded a marriage.

This only went for the part that didn't rightfully belong to him; the house. When his father died, he received a large amount of money, his child's share. He didn't want his father's money, he wanted back the home he lost at 16.

After he shared his story, I thought it only fair to tell him mine. It was hard though, but Rosalie helped me through the toughest parts.

For dinner, we shared a couple of pizzas. We all ordered a different one, but once Rosalie stole one of my slices and I took one of Edward´s, we were soon sitting around a single box with all the slices in it.

While the entire evening was wonderful, with laughs and good conversation, the night drew closer and closer. With each minute tht passed, I started to become more nervous. We hadn't discussed the sleeping arrangements yet, not really. Each time I tried to talk about it, Rosalie would make a joke, suggesting that there was no problem. She would just spend the night in a lovely grand double bed, while Edward and I could spend the night making love in mine.

Edward just chuckled at this each time, while my throat constricted. I was in no way ready for that, not at all, not nearly ready. This afternoon had been my first kiss, for Christ sake! What would he be expecting from me? I was in love with the guy, but I was hardly going to lose my virginity to him hours after we got together. And were we even together? As in_ together_ together? I eyed the clock. 11 pm._ Fuck!_

Edward stretched his arms and let out a yawn.

"God, I'm knackered! I'll clean this up and take a shower," he said, and a tight knot formed in my stomach. I tried to get help from Rosalie with a pleading look, but she ignored me.

"Just go take that shower, Edward. Jasper and I will clean this up. Right, Jasper?"

They were both staring at me now and I swallowed hard. "Y-yeah, sure, go ahead," I chocked out. Edward cocked an eyebrow at me, but didn't say a word before he headed to the bathroom.

As soon as he closed the door behind him, I turned to Rosalie. "Please, Rosalie! I can't! I don't want this yet!" I whisper shouted. I was willing to go on my knees while begging, but Rosalie winked and took my hand.

"Jazz, honey, we were just messing with you. We already figured it out, sweety. I'll be sharing your room and Edward is taking the spare," she said, and I let out the breath I was holding.

"Oh, aren't you adorable when you're nervous," she chuckled. I looked at her in mock anger.

"As if you would never put me on the spot," I challenged her.

Okay, my anger over her dragging Edward along without telling me had lessened, but it wasn't gone. It all turned out well, but it could've just as well all gone tits up!

"I'm sorry for bringing him without asking you. But truthfully, Jasper, would you have said it was okay? I couldn't even say half his name without you ending the conversation abruptly. There really was no other way to get it into your pretty little head that HE. IS. IN. LOVE. WITH. YOU!" The last words she said while pressing her sharp little finger into my sternum.

"Oww!" I whined, grabbing the finger she was still pointing at my chest. "You're probably right, but you still deserve punishment!" I followed, with an evil grin on my face. Her eyes widened as I pulled her closer to me.

She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, my hands were on her waist, tickling her into submission. She wriggled and thrashed, but I had a good hold of her.

"Jasper!" she cried. "Stop, please, stop!"

Her words came with hitched breaths between laughs. Tears were rolling over her cheeks, but I didn't stop.

"Say you're very, very sorry, Rose!" I joked.

She gasped loudly and became very still in my arms. I immediately stopped tickling her. "What's wrong?" I asked.

She turned in my arms and looked straight into my eyes. A broad smile covered her face and new but different tears formed in her eyes.

"Y-you-" she tried, her voice thick with emotion.

"What is it, Rose? What did I do?" I asked. I was getting a little worried.

"You called me Rose," she whispered. I was completely missing a seemingly very important point here.

"Well, that is your name," I replied with a confused frown.

"You always call me Rosalie, b-but now you called me Rose," she said.

"Is that not okay? I-I thought- Well- Edward calls you Rose, I didn't know it was a problem."

I seriously didn't get it. I would gladly call her Rosalie if that was what she wanted. It just felt good to call her Rose. I don't know why, it just did.

"It isn't a problem, it really isn't. It makes me happy, Jazz. I've never ever heard you use any form of endearment, to be honest. So it caught me by surprise, is all. But I love it, I absolutely love it!" she cried out as she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly.

I slid my arms around her waist and pulled her onto my outstretched legs. I never really thought about it like that. Did I really never use any term of endearment? I wasn't the kind of person to go about 'babying' or 'sweetying,' but surely I did something else. Come to think of it, I didn't think there was ever a reason to do it before. I used to call Victoria and James 'Mommy and Daddy,' but they hadn't thought too highly of it. They preferred me to call them Mother and Father. Carmen had always been just Carmen. As for the rest, well, there weren't really any others.

I decided to let it rest for now and squeezed my sister a little tighter. We held on to each other like this, embraced, until Edward walked back into the living room.

"Uhm, should I be worried?" he asked. Rosalie chuckled and I soon joined her in laughter.

The three of us made quick work of the mess and went to bed. It was a little weird to have Rosalie sharing my bed with me. Not because she was my sister, but because I had never shared a bed in my life. I could feel her every move and hear her every breath. It was a long time before I fell asleep.

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**Ty for still reading! Let me know if you liked it! :D**


	11. Chapter 11

**Once again many thanks to you all for still reading the story!**

**Special thanks to KGQ and Harrytwifan!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

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When I woke up, the bed was empty. I could faintly hear the running of water from the bathroom, so I figured she was taking a shower. Seriously craving a cup of coffee, I got out of bed and made my way to the kitchen, listening at Edward's door on the way. I could hear a soft snore, so he must have still been asleep.

Remembering the breakfast in bed he brought me in England, I decided to surprise him with tea. I turned on the water cooker and went in search for Edward's tin. He put it in one of the cupboards, and seeing it together with my sugar bowl and mugs made my heart swell. How nice would it be to have his stuff all over my place, to have him living with me?_ Jesus, Jasper! You haven't even fucked yet!_

I took the tin and the teaball next to it and carefully measured the tea leaves. When the water was hot, I poured it into a mug and dipped the teaball in. I wasn't sure how long it should stay in there, so I tried to get the color of the tea as close to what I remembered. I was so concentrated on my task that I didn't hear the footsteps nearing the kitchen.

"What on earth are you doing to my precious tea?" Edward said in an annoyed tone. It startled the living daylights out of me, as I thought I was alone. I jumped and turned around instantly.

"Holy Christ on a cracker!" I exclaimed, my heart pounding in my chest. Only then did I realize that I accidentally swept the mug off the counter and I felt the hot tea burning into my skin. "Jesus, FUCK!" I yelled as I jumped a second time, reaching for my foot.

"Oh, God, are you okay?" Edward asked and rushed to the sink. He soaked a dish towel with cold water and handed it to me before he yanked open my fridge in search of ice.

"Top drawer," I growled. I always had an icepack in my fridge. Being a surgeon, you tend to have first aid available at all times.

Edward took the wet towel from me and wrapped it around the icepack, as he led me to a chair and sat me down. Carefully, he pressed the pack against the skin that was already turning red. Fucking boiled water! This tea business was dangerous.

"I didn't mean to startle you," Edward whispered looking at my foot. "What were you doing?"

"What did it look like I was doing?" I groaned. Fucking hell, that hurt. Not only did the hot water burn, the icy cold of the pack was cutting into my skin.

"Well, it looked like you were messing with my tea leaves, you know. Like sabotaging my morning tea. Bit childish if you ask me," he replied.

That cut deep. Why would he think I would mess with his tea? Sure, I joked that coffee was way better, because it was. But I would never fuck with his stuff!

"I was making you a cup of tea, you asshole!" I snapped. "I was actually planning on waking you up with it!"

His cheeks flushed red and his shoulders slumped. He hesitantly looked up into my eyes and I could see guilt wash over his face.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I'm a right git for thinking that you would do that. And thank you, that was a really nice idea," he said. "I won't be such a twat next time I see you making me tea."

I snorted at his last comment. "Don't worry; there won't be a next time."

"Aw, don't be like that," Edward whined, "You know what? Just stay there and I'll make you a nice cup of coffee." He turned around and opened a cupboard.

"Come near my beans and I'll hurt you," I threatened him. I wasn't really serious; I just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. He spun back around and stared at me with wide eyes.

"I'm just messing with ya. Second from the left, top shelve," I chuckled, and pointed at the cupboard in question. Edward smirked and started on my coffee.

While my coffee machine was brewing my morning fix, Edward cleaned the floor and scooped up the broken mug. "You know, Jasper, you should really stop breaking things when startled."

I snorted again and removed the now-melted icepack from my foot. "You should really stop scaring the shit out of me," I retorted. Edward chuckled and started on a fresh cup of tea.

When both drinks were done, he placed them on the dinner table and sat down next to me. His closeness brought a now familiar tightness to my stomach and I shivered. He placed his hand on my thigh and leaned in to kiss me. When his lips met mine, I melted. Unbelievable, what he could do to me with a simple look, touch or kiss. There was nothing left of me, just an enormous puddle of love-struck goo.

It was just a short kiss, to be honest. No tongues or other forms of sexiness. Just a slight caressing of my lips with his, but he had me moaning. I really needed to pull my shit together and not act like the virgin I was.

I quickly picked up my mug and took a large gulp of coffee._ Jesus, fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!_ I thought as I swallowed the coffee that was burning my mouth and now my throat. Seriously, this man was going to be the death of me! I desperately huffed some cool air into my mouth to try and ease the burn.

"You are really bad for my health," I joked, and Edward threw me a dazzling smile.

"But I'm really good at kissing it better," he replied laughing.

"Yeah, that's actually part of the problem," I mumbled and looked away from him.

"What was that? My kissing is part of the problem? Are you saying I make you nervous, Jasper?" he asked, still laughing. Was he now laughing at me? Did he really think my nerves were funny?

"Fuck off!" I told him and started to stand up. He grabbed my arm and pulled me into his lap. His lips ghosted over my cheek as he nuzzled the sensitive spot under my ear.

"I think it's cute that I make you nervous. And I really like kissing you," he whispered while he ran his nose along my jaw line. His breath tickled my neck and I could feel myself getting hard.

"Y-you do?" I gasped. He ran a hand over my chest to my abs while the other one slid to my neck. "Why don't you prove it?" The words leaving my mouth shocked me. I was never this straightforward.

He crashed his mouth to mine and immediately demanded entrance with his tongue. I gladly complied and welcomed his taste, our tongues curling around each other with force. Neither of us prepared to give the other the upper hand. Well, upper tongue really.

I could feel his hard cock pressed against my ass. It felt huge, and that both scared me and excited me. I wanted him closer, to have him pressed up against me harder. I also really wanted to feel his skin, so I slipped my hand under his T-shirt and dug my nails into his back, pulling him even tighter against my body. He broke the kiss, but his mouth never left me. He ran a wet trail over my chin to my neck and sucked on my Adam's apple. I moaned and bucked my hips.

"Hmmmm, I can't wait to have you writhing under me in ecstasy," he groaned against my skin, as the hand on my abs slowly made its way to my groin.

This woke me up from my haze in an instant. Fuck! I wasn't ready! I didn't want that yet! I quickly stopped his hand before it reached my pulsating erection, and opened my eyes. I pulled away from him, but his embrace left me with little space. With his eyes still closed and a lustful expression on his face, he tried to kiss me again. I slid my hand from his back to his chest and pushed him back.

"S-sorry, Edward. I think this was enough for now," I croaked and got up from his lap. Without pause I left him in the kitchen and fled into the hallway.

I could hear Rose rummaging in my bedroom, so I slipped into the bathroom and closed the door behind me.

"Damn it!" I cursed loudly, and sat down on the edge of the tub. What would he think of me now? At the first mention of anything sexual, I panicked and ran like a frightened little girl. Fuck! Why didn't I have any experience with this? And why didn't I have anyone to ask? I couldn't talk to my sister about this; I'd never hear the end of it. And Claudia –– I could picture her face if I went to her for advice on this, and it wasn't pretty.

No, the only one that could really tell me anything about sex was Edward. And I wasn't going to let him in on the fact that I've never had any. He was probably used to very experienced and imaginative partners. How on earth could I compare to that?

"Jasper?" Rosalie asked through the door. "Jazz, are you in there?"

"Go away!" I yelled at her.

"Jazzy, you have my toothbrush in there. Open up, please?" she called.

I reluctantly opened the door and let her in. She rushed passed me and got her toothbrush from the shelf over the sink. She took my toothpaste –– yes,_ my_ toothpaste –– and squeezed it on her brush. Turning her face towards me, she began brushing her teeth.

"Angyou okeh?" she mumbled with her mouth half open. I couldn't understand what she was asking me, so I raised my eyebrows and shook my shoulders in annoyance. She took the brush from her mouth and spat in the sink. Eeeeew, gross!

"Are you okay?" she tried again. She looked kind of funny to be honest. Hair tied in a wet knot, bunny slippers, blue pajama pants with white clouds on them, and a black tank top. She was holding the toothbrush close to her face as if pausing in forward momentum. I had to chuckle. This was the most unflattering I had ever seen my beautiful sister.

"What are you laughing at?" she snapped at me. This made me laugh even harder.

Before I could do anything, she'd placed her thumb against the running tap, making the water squirt my way. I was soaked within seconds. There was no way I was going to let her get away with it, so I sprinted for the shower and aimed the showerhead in her direction, yanking open the tap.

She squealed like a fucking five year old, and tried to take cover behind the glass wall that separated the sink from the toilet. Instead of giving up, I took the showerhead out of the shower as far as possible and aimed it around the divider. Hands raised in an effort to stop the water from hitting her, she cried for me to stop.

When I didn't stop, she charged me and wrestled the showerhead from my grip. She would've never succeeded without cheating, but my sister played dirty. She grabbed my groin, and when I gasped in surprise and fear, she grabbed the showerhead. Now aiming it at me, she grinned evilly as I tried to evade the water. With a not so graceful jump, I made it to the door and rushed out.

"Coward!" she yelled after me while I blocked the door, shutting her in.

"Yeah? Well you're the one that cheats!" I yelled back." How would you like it if I twisted your nipple to win?"

"You ain't getting anywhere near my nipples, you perv!" she retorted.

"Well, stay the hell away from my junk then!" I yelled.

I heard a snort from behind me and spun around. There in all his sexiness stood Edward, smirking at me. I looked down at the state I was in and blushed violently. I was still only wearing the pajama pants and the T-shirt I was wearing earlier, but now they were soaked and sticking to me like a second skin. The entire outline of my cock was clearly visible under the wet fabric.

When I looked back up into Edward's eyes, they were filled with hunger. A lustful hunger that made me feel really uncomfortable. I felt naked under his gaze. The need to run to my bedroom and hide overtook me, but before I could move, Edward's body was flush against mine. His hands were roaming over my body while his lips devoured mine. Fuck, that was hot. A shiver of want traveled down my spine and rested in my groin. I wanted him closer –– much closer. He grabbed my thighs and lifted me with my back against the bathroom door. I wrapped my legs around his waist and dug my heels into his ass. He started grinding his rock hard cock against mine and a low groan left my throat.

"Seriously, guys? You better not be doing what I think you're doing," Rosalie said through the door. I was beyond caring though, and from what I could see, Edward wasn't paying her any attention either.

"Jasper! Edward! Get away from the door NOW!" Rose screamed, and something heavy hit the door from inside the bathroom. Edward looked up a bit dazed, as if he didn't understand what was going on. To be honest, I realized he really_ didn't_ understand what was going on.

Then like a snap, it seemed like a light bulb switched on in his head and his cheeks flushed a deep scarlet. He eased me back on my feet and we moved away from the door, letting an annoyed Rose out of the bathroom.

"You know what?" Rose asked. "You two need some time alone!" My eyes widened and I slightly shook my head at her. She ignored me, though. "I'm going to call Claudia and have lunch with her. You two just do whatever you need to do to be able to behave tonight!" she said, before stalking off to my bedroom.

"I-I need to put some dry clothes on," I stumbled at Edward, before running into my bedroom myself.

Once I closed the door, I turned towards Rosalie and grabbed her arm. "You can't leave me alone with him!" I squeaked. "What if he wants to-" I stopped myself mid-sentence and stared at the floor.

"What if he wants to, what?" Rose asked. "You two are grown men, Jasper. If you don't want something, just open your mouth and say so. It's not like you've never had sex before."

Oh God, the floor was opening up underneath me, ready to swallow me whole. I shuffled my feet and tried to look casual.

"Jasper? No!" she gasped in surprise. "You're telling me you haven't?"

"I'm not telling you anything!" I exclaimed. "I've had sex, loads of sex. Loads of men and erm, yeah, loads of sex."

"Jasper, you've got to tell him!" she said.

"I ain't telling him shit! I'm not a virgin, Rose!" I yelled, not really sounding all that convincing.

"Baby," she said, while leading me to the bed and sitting down next to me. "There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. The only reason I want you to tell him is because I don't want you to get hurt. A first time is really something special, but only if your partner takes good care of you."

"I'll say this one more time, Rose. I. Am. Not. A. Virgin." I replied, not meeting her eyes.

"Fine!" she snapped. "Suit yourself. But don't come crying to me when it hurts like a motherfucker! And if you dare blame him afterwards, you'll have me to answer to! Now get out, I need to get dressed!"

I threw her a pained look, but she'd already turned away from me. I got into my walk-in closet and stripped. Without looking really closely, I picked a pair of jeans and a polo to wear, and put on a pair of dry boxers. Once I was clothed, I noticed that I was wearing a really worn pair of faded jeans that hung loosely around my hips. Well, thank fuck! There was no way that Edward would ever think to have sex with me while I was wearing these. The polo was a deep, dark green; a color I didn't really think suited me.

"Are you decent?" I yelled at Rosalie, not wanting to come out while she was still getting dressed.

"Yup," she replied, and I walked back into the bedroom. She was holding her hand out at me. "Keys," she simply stated.

I shook my head at her. "No way am I handing you the keys to my car, Rosalie," I said as I folded my arms over my chest.

"Keys, or I tell Edward you're a virgin," she threatened.

"That is low and you know it!" I snapped, with wide eyes.

"So you're admitting it?" she asked, with a smirk on her face.

"I'm not admitting anything and you're not getting my car," I said matter-of-factly.

I had seen the girl drive in London, she was horrible. Besides that, she was used to driving on the wrong side of the fucking road! This was a disaster waiting to happen!

"Please, Jazz? Only for today! I'll get a rental tomorrow! Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?" she whined while tickling my armpits, making me lose my stance.

"God, woman! You're not going to back down are you?" I asked, and she shook her head in conformation. I let out a deep sigh and reached for yesterday's jeans. I took the keys out and handed them over. "I'm such a wussy," I muttered under my breath, making Rose chuckle.

"Right," she said loudly, while walking out of the bedroom into the hallway. As I followed her, Edward appeared in the doorway of the spare room. "I'll be back before dinner, so you guys have fun!"

Edward followed her to the door and grabbed it as she walked though, effectively letting her out.

"You," she said pointing at him, "need to talk to Jasper." Before she turned and left, she threw me a meaningful look, to which I rolled my eyes. "Bye bye, now!" she cheered and Edward closed the door behind her.

A sudden attack of dry mouth had me walking into the kitchen to pour a glass of water. Edward, hot on my heels, was eyeing me intently, making me very, very nervous.

"So, what do you want to do today?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders and took a gulp of water. "Go to the park? Go out for lunch? Shag? Watch a movie?" he suggested.

I snorted and water was dripping from my nose. He chuckled like he was expecting me to panic. Yeah, he had me –– I was now thoroughly embarrassed. I quickly grabbed a towel and wiped the snot and water from my face. Carefully taking another gulp of water, I set the glass back on the counter.

I tried to shrug off the uncomfortable feeling that was building up inside me, and decided to go for fake experience and a shimmer of confidence.

"Well, we can watch a movie and make out, but I don't 'shag' for at least the first week," I tried, picking up the glass and taking another gulp, confidently.

Unfortunately, my eyes were still stuck on his and I wasn't looking at my glass. It was slightly more filled than I thought, and the contents were pouring over my clean green polo._ Damn it, Jasper! Come on!_

"Well, I'm all for taking things slow, but don't tease me with the wet T-shirt contests, Jasper. I might not be able to contain myself," he said while smirking widely. The fucker knew full well what he was doing to me. On top of that, he seemed to enjoy making me flush and fuck up under his gaze.

"Oh. Ha. Ha. Ha," I replied, and picked the towel back up to dry my wet shirt.

"I'm dead serious," he said. "You know what? If you take off that shirt, I'll let you kiss me."

I snorted again at his comment, as I was not that easily fooled. "Erm, that doesn't seem like a very fair deal," I retorted. "What exactly is in it for me?"

Edward stalked towards me with a dangerously lustful look on his face. He circled me until he was standing behind me, inches from my back, his mouth close to my ear.

"You get to feel my hands roam your chest, your abs, your shoulders and back. To feel my warmth as I press my fingers into your skin, pulling you closer and closer. As for the kiss, you and me both know it is what you want," he whispered seductively, and I couldn't help but push my ass back just a little, to have him touch me. I wanted to feel his body against mine, as my dick twitched and my back arched involuntarily.

"But I think you're too scared to admit you want to kiss me. I think you're shivering on your feet with the thought of my hands on you. Are you afraid of this, Jasper? Are you a scared little boy?" he went on whispering, making my heart contract. Yes, I was scared shirtless, but he was not supposed to know that. He couldn't know that. I had to seriously do something.

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**I hope you liked it!**


	12. Chapter 12

**dragontattoo75! She is awesome and helped me to write chapter 7! So I still need to thank her loads and sincerely apologise for forgetting to thank you in the first place!**

**That was point one!**

**Point two! EVERYONE! I'm going down on my knees here and hoping you'll all forgive me for breaking my promise to reply too all your nice and amazing reviews! I have NOT forgotten and I'm seriously going to write a note to all you wonderful reviewers, because damn, I love your reviews! They make my day and encourage me to write so sooooooo much!**

**I have 0 excuses... SO, as a sin offering, I would like to ask you what you guys would like to see in an outtake! Something that isn't spoilery of course! Let me know either in PM or review and I'll write the outtake that is most desired!**

**Point three, KGQ, Loopylou992 and Harrytwifan - You are the awesome and you keep me sane and writing! And most of all, your support helps me to not run and hide and give up on this story when the reviews are rough!**

**That last one also goes for some amazing friends and readers on my FB; 35nanou to name one of them! I couldn't wish for a better group of readers!**

**Okay, that was it, I think... So on with the story! I hope you'll like this chapter!**

**Disclaimer; I still don't own Twilight!**

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I turned around and locked my eyes onto his. Slowly but determinedly, I took off my polo and fisted his shirt. My lips found his and I bit his bottom lip._ I can do this, I can do this._ The kiss didn't last long, as my mouth made its way to the stubble on his chin. It scratched against my sensitive lips and the feeling of it sent a spark to my groin. Going lower and lower, I trailed my tongue over his neck and Adam's apple. Lifting his shirt over his head and throwing it to the floor, I bit his clavicle, before seductively tracing my tongue over the marks I left on his skin.

I wasn't sure what the hell I was doing, but I'd seen the Corbin Fisher boys go at it, so I figured I'd just follow their lead. So far it seemed I was doing something right, as Edward's hands moved to my hair and he let out a soft moan._ Right, so, focus!_ What was next? Yes, nipples! I latched my mouth onto his right nipple and flicked my tongue over it. And safe to say I was rewarded with a gasp from Edward's mouth. I bit down softly and his breath hitched. Was that a good sign?

Not sure of the biting, I moved to his other nipple, giving it the same treatment. His hands fisted my blond locks a little tighter, so I was definitely on the right track. I wasn't about to linger though, so I trailed my tongue further down, dipping it into his navel in a wet kiss. He had the most amazing happy trail disappearing into his pants; a trail I wanted to follow to its destination.

My mouth not leaving his hard abs, I reached for the button and zipper and opened them. Sliding the soft fabric down his supple thighs, I licked down the narrow trail of hair. He bucked his hips and groaned, making me smile. See, I could pull this off and he would be none the wiser. I pulled his boxers down and hooked them under his balls, making them press up against his rock hard length. The sight was something to behold and I took a moment to marvel in it. His cock was beautiful, if you could call a cock beautiful._ Hell yeah, you can call a fucking cock beautiful!_

It was straight and thick. Definitely shorter than mine, but perfect all the same. It held a wonderful pattern of veins at the base, and a swollen pink head, glistening with pre-cum. And my God, the tiny curls that surrounded it matched the coppery color of his hair perfectly. I lightly blew on the head and watched his dick twitch in anticipation._ All right, phase one complete._

Remembering the different ways I saw guys giving head, I decided on fast and deep with a little bit of foreplay. I licked his erection from the base to the tip and slid my tongue through his slit._ Wow, that tastes like nothing I've tasted before!_ I wasn't exactly decided if I liked it or not. It had a salty twinge to it, but a little sweet at the same time. It was sure something else. At least I was sure Edward liked me licking him. He was now heavily panting and murmuring my name as his fingers grabbed my hair more tightly, even slightly painful.

I ran my finger down his length, just slightly pressing, and ran my tongue over the thick head again. A shiver went through him and I could see small goose bumps form on his stomach. I loved what my actions were doing to him, and slid my lips over his cock with newfound confidence.

Now this was the tricky part, as on the videos you couldn't really see what was going on inside a mouth once it was wrapped around a cock. I mostly remember the guys hollowing their cheeks and taking them so deep that their noses hit the pubes.

I breathed in deeply through my nose and plunged down. At first, when I felt his cock hit the back of my throat, it felt weird but okay. But in less than a second, my throat violently tried to expel him. While he shouted; "Oh God!" I gagged, dry heaving and teary-eyed. Fuck! Why on earth would anyone, and I mean_ anyone,_ ever want to do this? I pulled back and let him slip from my mouth, giving myself a second to compose myself.

"Jasper? Are you okay?" he asked in a worried tone. Fuck! I needed lust-induced Edward, not fucking worried over his virgin boyfriend Edward. I squeezed my eyes shut and grabbed his cock in one hand, leading it back to my mouth. I ran it along my wet lips a couple of times before I took him in again. I was definitely not going that deep again, so I made sure my mouth had a grip on it with my lip covered teeth.

I sucked and hollowed my cheeks, running my mouth up and down his cock. Again, Edward was moaning and slightly bucking his hips. I had to make sure he wouldn't hit the back of my throat again, so I tried to get an even better grip, my teeth slowly and painfully sinking into the insides of my lips.

Really, giving head was not my thing. It was uncomfortable and a little painful like this. But I wanted Edward to feel good, and not have him know I had never done this before.

Picking up the pace, my lip slipped from under my teeth, making them graze his shaft roughly. He squealed and jerked back. I instantly pulled back and murmured, "Sorry," before trailing my tongue over the silky skin.

"Just take it easy, Jasper, you were doing great," he whispered as he coached his dick back to my mouth. So deep throating didn't work and the teeth were a bad idea. The only other thing I could think of was holding him back with my hand.

This time it worked better. His moans and groans got louder as I jerked him off, with my mouth going up and down his shaft, my tongue swirling around the tip. His movements were getting more erratic and his breathing shallower and faster.

"God! Jasper! So good! I-I'm. I'm coming!" he cried out and I quickly pulled him back from my mouth. At least this was something I knew how to do. And the best part was, it was easy as hell. Look up at him, while waiting for his cum to hit my face, open-mouthed. This was consistent with every blow job I'd ever seen on my computer.

The first squirt hit my cheek and if felt a little weird. The second one shot into my mouth and pride washed over me. I had gotten him there. His face was flushed, head thrown back, and he looked utterly blissful. The third streak hit my nose and eye. I jumped a little and tried to blink it away, a little amused. But then the sting hit._ Jesus! Fuck!_ My eye was burning! Holy shit!

"Jasper?" Edward asked, hit voice hoarse and low. I couldn't answer. The only thing that was important now was getting this fucking sting out of my eye. I tried to rub it out, but it was actually only getting worse.

"Fuck!" I grunted. "My eye!"

Edward turned towards the sink, pulling up his jeans and ran the tap. After soaking it, he handed me a towel and I tried to clean my eye with it.

"Jesus, Jasper! Why would you let me come all over your face? This isn't a bloody porn movie! And seriously, close your eyes if you do!" he yelled at me, more freaked out than angry.

He fidgeted with his hands and ran them through his hair. "I'm sorry. It's just that… Well, I don't know what is going on with you half the time. I tease the shit out of you and you look like a bloody deer in headlights. And then all of a sudden you go all porn star on me. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that was your first time," he said, looking at me sternly.

I didn't reply and avoided his gaze. Had it been that bad? He came, right? It couldn't have been that awful. I tried to hold myself together, but tears formed in my eyes.

"Oh God!" he exclaimed. "That_ was_ your first time!"

He grabbed my shoulder and chin, and forced me to look at him. What surprised me was the concern and love I saw in his eyes. It gave me a little hope that he would not run away from me screaming at my ignorance.

"Babe, why didn't you tell me?" he asked and I bit my lip. "Jasper?"

"I just didn't want you to be disappointed," I reluctantly said in a very small voice.

He gently kissed my lips and hugged me. "You cannot disappoint me, Jay, certainly not this way," he said. The reassurance in his voice was all I needed and the tension in my neck and back eased. He took my hand and guided me to the living room. "I'll go get you a fresh shirt. Will you pick a movie?"

I nodded and watched his back as he left the room. What on earth did I do to deserve this man? I was seriously fucking up every single minute of the day and still he wanted me. It baffled me to the point where my insecurities returned. Maybe he just wanted to fuck me? We did live on opposite sides of an ocean._ Stop it, Jasper!_

I signed and turned to my stack of DVD's. I picked my favorite; 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'. I loved it because it wasn't the regular romantic bullshit Hollywood normally spouted. It was a story of true and undying love. Clementine has her memories of Joel removed and to spite her, he does the same with the memories of her. As the walls of his memory fall down around them, they find they don't want to lose each other. In the end, their love survives. And while love like that might not actually exist, it was sure nice to think about it.

Edward came up behind me and handed me a shirt. I didn't even give it a glance before I pulled it over my head. But as soon as I pulled the cotton fabric past my nose, his scent invaded my mind. This wasn't one of_ my_ shirts, it was one of_ his._ He always smelled so fucking sexy and warm and now that smell was close while his body wasn't. It was torturous.

Edward picked up the DVD case and cocked an eyebrow at me. "I'd have never taken you for a Jim Carrey fan," he said.

I grabbed the case from his hands and opened it. Carefully placing the DVD into the player, I looked at him from the corner of my eye.

"I'm not, but this is not the 'Ace Ventura' Jim Carrey you're probably thinking of. Just sit down and watch the freaking movie," I said. "If you hate it, you can watch me instead."

"Just watch?" he asked, and winked.

"You can do anything you want with me." Hi eyes turned dark and I chuckled. "But_ only_ if the movie bores you."

He sat down in the middle of the couch and patted the spot next to him. "I will just have to try really hard to have no interest in it whatsoever," he stated.

I shook my head while rolling my eyes at him before I picked up the remote and sat down next to him. Snuggling up against him I pressed play.

The movie wasn't even two minutes in when I felt his nose brush up and down my ear. His hands were already roaming my stomach.

"Edward, are you even trying to give this movie a chance?" I asked.

"Nope, I'm going for plan B straight away," he answered. My doubts from earlier raced to the front of my mind and I tensed.

"Jasper?" he asked, pulling away from me. I bit my lip and tried to hold back the illogical and unnecessary tears forming in my eyes.

"Is that really all you want from me?" I asked, slightly shaking. He looked at me, guilt washing over his face, and my hopes crashed to the ground. He_ did_ just want to fuck me. God, how could I be this stupid? I pushed him further away and got up. I really needed a moment to think, to figure out if I could just be his fuck-buddy and ignore my heart.

"Jasper, wait!" he called after me and I paused on my way to the door. "I realize that is what you must think of me with my behaviour over the last two days, but it's not true. I must admit that just seeing you brings out the inner animal in me and I do want you physically, up to a point where I'm having a really hard time taking things slow. Just know that isn't all I want from you. I want to know you in every way possible. Learn who you really are and have you know who I am. This isn't just about sex, Jasper. Please believe me when I tell you it isn't. I really am hopelessly in love with you."

"Then will you fucking try to watch my favorite movie with me?" I asked, still sounding a bit harsh.

He skipped to the far side of the couch and gestured me to sit back down. "Yes, and I will not even touch you. Okay?"

I almost jumped back on the couch and got comfortable leaning up against him. "No, not okay, I never said anything about not touching me," I smirked.

He smiled at me and put his arm around my shoulder. I restarted the movie, and relaxed against his warm body. This time, his attention was on the screen while he rubbed small soothing circles on my back. This was perfect, how I imagined my life with him to be like. That is if we could even have a life together. He would just be here for three weeks, and I had no clue what would happen after he went back to London. This was not the time to think about that, though. For now I would just be happy that he_ was_ here and enjoy our time together.

As I stared back at the screen, I found that that was really all there was to it. Clementine was erased from Joel's mind and it was all they had now. To be able to enjoy their time together before everything fell apart, while in the end, not even remembering the hopes that all would turn out well. And wasn't that the saddest part? To lose your hope?

Even if Edward would break my heart, even if it would ruin me, I would never want to lose moments like this. He squeezed me a little tighter and I looked up at him. His eyes were soft as he ran them over my face, ending up staring straight into mine.

"I would never want to erase you," he said and leaned in for a kiss. I slid my arms around him and hugged his chest, while he rested his cheek on my head, hugging me back.

We watched the rest of the movie in this position, both of us reluctant to let go. When the end titles rolled, he kissed the top of my head and sighed into my hair.

"I loved it, Jasper. That might possibly be one of the best movies I ever saw," he said and I smiled. He moved to get up, but I stopped him.

"Can we just sit here a little longer?" I asked and felt him relax again, his arms warm and safe around my shoulders. Maybe I was being a girl, or a child, or mushy, I just didn't care. This was where I wanted to be for now.

"Jasper? I was thinking," he started and I murmured a slight 'hmmm?' when he didn't immediately go on. "I know this is all new to you and I respect that. I would never want to rush you into something you're not ready for. But-" He stopped speaking again and I raised my head to look at him. He had his eyes averted and a blush crept up his cheeks.

"Edward?" I asked, and kissed his cheek when his shoulders slumped.

"But I would really like it if I could hold you while you sleep," he went on, still not looking at me. A warm glow spread inside my chest. He was feeling insecure in asking me this and it was adorable.

"I think something like that could be arranged," I replied.

His eyes met mine, and his dazzling smile made my heart swell even more. I loved this man more than I would've ever thought I could. I rested my head back against his chest and closed my eyes. After a while, I heard his breathing change and the hand on my back stilled it's movements. I took a deep breath and let myself drift away as well.

.

Rosalie woke us up around seven. She and Claudia had come back from their day out and decided to let us sleep till dinner. They had prepared a light chicken salad with bread, which was already standing on the set dinner table. I rubbed my eyes and stretched my limbs, while Edward did the same.

"Aren't you two cute," Rosalie said with a smile and nudged Claudia. "You would never even think they weren't speaking two days ago."

Claudia chuckled. "You are quite the matchmaker, Rose. Got any more ex-fiancées lying about? Preferably one as hot as that one."

Rose laughed wholeheartedly and sat down at the table. "I don't think I do. If I did, I would've married him." She started filling the plates and Claudia sat down.

"Boys, are you coming?" she yelled at us, and Edward took my hand.

As we sat down, Rose threw me a weird look. "That isn't the shirt you were wearing when I left," she said and glanced at Edward. "That isn't even_ his_ shirt, now is it?"

He threw up his hands in the air as if defending himself. "I didn't molest your brother! I really didn't! I'm innocent!" he cried out, which made me chuckle.

"Innocent, my ass," I replied and shook my head.

"Well, maybe not as innocent as you," he said, winking at me, "but I didn't make you do anything you didn't want to do."

God, he sure was good at embarrassing me. I glared around the table to see if anyone noticed the meaning behind his little comment, and saw Rosalie nod her head in approval.

"So you had that talk then?" she asked him, and he nodded back. I rolled my eyes and focused on my food. There was no way I wanted to continue this conversation.

"Great, now let's eat," she said and took a bite.

* * *

**Well, how about that? Did ya like it? Hate it? Let me know! (And don't forget to let me know what outtake you'ld like to read!)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Heya,**

**So guess what? The outtake will be - Edward's POV after Jasper leaves London!  
It will be an additional update next to the (barely existing) posting schedule! I hope to have it finished at the end of September!**

**As always many thanks to KGQ and harrytwifan, who continue to support me with awesomeness and skill!**

**Also a huge TY to loopylou992, I love ya babe!**

**And the lovely reviewers on TWCS: I DID NOT FORGET ABOUT YOU! I'll reply to your reviews before the next update! Love you all!**

**Back to the story!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Twilight, nothing's changed!**

* * *

After dinner, we had drinks in the living room and played a few stupid card games. Though it was fun, all evening I was looking at the clock and hoping time would go faster. When Edward said that he wanted me, something changed inside me. I knew I also wanted him, and now that he knew I had no experience at all, I wasn't worried any more. Not that I already wanted to have actual sex with him, but I did want to try some things.

When the clock finally marked a respectable time to go to bed, I yawned and stretched. "God, I'm tired. Aren't you tired, Edward?" I asked coyly.

He looked up at me and smirked. "No, not really. I actually had a really nice nap this afternoon," he replied, and looked back at his cards.

"Okay, but you must have some sort of case of jet lag, right?" I tried again, but he shook his head.

"I'm fine, Jasper, but thank you for your concern," he said and played a jack of diamonds.

"You should really stick to the LA schedule, though, to make sure you don't get jet lag later on," I pushed, making Rosalie and Claudia chuckle.

"It's only eleven, I hardly call that bedtime. But I will take your advice and not stay up too late," he promised, hiding an evil grin behind his cards. Fucker! He was playing with me. He knew full well what I wanted and was giving me a hard time.

"But if you're worried I would wake you up when I turn in, I promise to be very, very quiet," he said, frustrating me even more. I was growing impatient and I wanted the games to stop. Not caring about being tactful any longer, I stood up.

"Get your ass into my bed, Edward, now!" I growled and his eyes shot up at me. They turned a shade darker, and at that moment I knew I surprised him with my tone and words.

"Sorry, girls," he said, not taking his eyes off me as he lay his cards down, "I have somewhere else to be."

"I take it I'm sleeping in the spare?" Rosalie asked, smiling.

"You can sleep wherever you want, as long as it's not in my room," I replied, while turning toward the hallway. I didn't check to see if Edward was following me, I knew he would. "Good night, ladies!" I called and opened the door to my bedroom.

I didn't stop inside, but made my way to the closet and took off my shirt. Well,_ his_ shirt, actually. Without hesitation, I took off my jeans and changed my boxers. I wasn't going to sleep in my pajama pants, and there was no way I would be lying next to Edward in pre-cum stained boxers.

I looked at myself in the mirror and gave myself a once-over. I guess that I didn't look all that bad. Maybe a bit thin, but in fairly good shape and reasonably toned. I could use a haircut though; it was looking a bit unruly.

The sound of sheets being drawn back in the bedroom made me focus on the moment. Edward was in the room, possibly naked or almost naked. My dick twitched at the thought and I took a deep breath. I clicked off the lighting in the closet and pushed open the door.

There, in the middle of my bed, was the most gorgeous sight I had ever laid eyes on. The sheets were indeed drawn back, and Edward was laying there in just his boxers. When his gaze travelled from my feet up to my eyes, it felt like it was his hands instead. Caressing my skin and making me shiver, raising goose bumps all over my body.

"Are you going to just stand there?" he asked in a low tone, and I quickly got into bed with him. Once I pulled the sheets over us, he leaned into me. "I'm here, oh wonderful lord, what will you have me do?" he joked and winked at me.

Oh, hell no! If he thought he could go on playing this game in my bed, he had another thing coming. I pulled all my confidence together and feigned a little more.

"Suck my cock and then maybe you can stay the night," I said.

His eyes widened, and I had to pull out all the stops to not break down into a fit of laughter.

He batted his eyelashes and licked his lips. "As you wish, my lord," he whispered seductively, and latched his mouth to my nipple.

A spark of electricity shot straight to my dick when he flicked his tongue over the hardened bud and grazed his teeth over it. I moaned softly and bit my lip. I might not have any experience, but I wasn't going to come undone like some silly little bitch.

When he trailed his mouth over my stomach to the waist band of my boxers, I fisted the sheets and curled my toes. Damn, my skin was highly sensitive and his mouth was tormenting it with the lightest touch. If I didn't watch it, I was going to cum as soon as his lips touched my cock.

I felt a little guilty for having Edward go down on me. I now knew what it was like. and I wasn't sure if I would ever go there again, but I really wanted to know what it felt like to have his lush lips wrapped around my cock. If it was really that good, I would suck him again in the future. I did want him to have all the pleasure I could possibly give him.

He pressed his mouth against my hardened length and kissed it through the fabric on my boxers. It felt unbelievably warm, and I bucked my hips to get more. His hands ran down my thighs and his mouth followed one of them down. Fucking tease!

My breath hitched as his tongue ran over my knee and trailed back up my inner thigh. I could only just hold in the groan that ripped through my chest, digging my fingers into the sheets even tighter.

His hands took hold of the bottom of my boxers and yanked them off in one go. He threw them off the bed and placed a kiss in the hollow between my hip and my cock. "You're beautiful," he said and pressed his nose against my dick. "And you smell so good," he continued and licked my glans. "Taste even better," he moaned.

I bit my lip even harder in an effort not to moan uncontrollably.

"Touch yourself for me, Jasper, tease your nipples," he whispered, but I couldn't. I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut. I was barely holding myself together under his ministrations and touching myself while he watched me do it would be way too weird.

He took my balls in one hand and rolled them in his palm. Fuck, that felt good.

"Ungh," I voiced, still holding back the moans.

"Let go, Jass. Let me teach you how this feels," he pleaded and I shook my head again. His tongue trailed from the base of my cock to the head and I arched my back. My entire body was tense, fighting the feeling that was trying to take hold of me.

"Let go, baby. You can keep your eyes closed, that's okay, but trust me," he said, and I felt my control falter.

He ran his hand over my stomach and chest and lightly pressed it against the skin at the base of my throat. A primal groan left me and it surprised me to say the least.

"That's it, baby, just feel," he moaned, and licked the head of my cock again, making me buck up my hips to meet his mouth.

And that's when he wrapped his lips around me and took it all the way in. His tongue was pressing against the side, as my entire length slid down his throat and he swallowed around me. God, that was the best fucking feeling I ever had. Knowing it was him only made it better. He started at a slow pace that was steadily speeding up.

I moaned and groaned, but no longer cared about it. Jesus fucking Christ, the things he could do to me! Unbelievable. If someone told me I'd died and gone to heaven I would know it was the truth. This feeling was out of this world and it was only getting better and more intense.

His hand trailed over my shoulder and down my arm, where he grabbed my wrist, leading it to my chest. I knew what he wanted me to do, so I rubbed my index finger over my hard and sensitive nipple. He groaned around my cock, sending the most amazing vibrations through my body. Encouraged by his reaction, I reached for my other nipple with my other hand and flicked both of them at the same time.

Edward groaned again and picked up his pace. I didn't recognize the sounds coming from my own throat, but they no longer scared me. I rolled my nipples between my fingers, loving the sparks that sent to my cock.

Edward pulled back, and I whimpered at the loss of his wet warmth.

"Look at me, Jasper," he said and I opened my eyes. He threw me a lustful smile, and took me back into his mouth. His gaze never left mine as he swirled his tongue around the head, and slid his lips all the way back to the base.

It was so fucking sexy to see my cock disappear between his lips and I could feel my balls tighten.

"God, Ed, I'm coming! Fuck! Yes!" I cried out as he swallowed around my head and stared straight into my eyes. My back arched again, and my torso rose from the bed as I violently came down his throat.

Collapsing back onto the mattress, I couldn't stop panting. Edward towered over me with a huge grin on his face and I smiled back at him. My heart was still beating heavily in my chest, and a thin layer of sweat covered my skin. That was the most fucking intense orgasm of my life and it would sure as hell take me a while to get back down from my high.

Edward lay down beside me, his arm under his head and one leg over my thighs. I could feel his erection press up against me and I gasped in surprise.

"Fuck, Edward, how can you already be so hard after that?" I asked.

"You're the one that came, Jasper," he said, while pressing soft kisses against my bare shoulder.

"Yeah, I know, but you can't possibly have been turned on doing that," I replied.

Hey, I had sucked his cock this afternoon, and there had been nothing, seriously_ nothing_ arousing about it.

He cupped my cheek with his hand and stared deeply into my eyes. "Don't you know how fucking sexy you look when you are writhing underneath me? Can you really not imagine how you letting go like that turns me on? Fuck, Jay, your wonderful cock in my mouth, it's one of the best things ever!" he said in wonder.

I blushed and hid my face against his chest, but he pushed me back, not willing to let it go.

"Jay?" he asked me, and I batted my eyes nervously.

"I love it when you call me Jay," I replied and tried to snuggle back against him.

"I bet you do, but that wasn't my question," he pushed. "What made you think I wasn't enjoying myself same as you were?"

I still didn't answer and bit my lip as he groaned.

"You hated it, didn't you Jasper?" he asked, and I was confused for a moment.

"No, I loved it, I really did! God, Edward, don't even think that! It was the best fucking moment of my life. The things you did with your to-" I rambled until he placed a finger against my lips and shook his head.

"I wasn't talking about just now, I could tell you liked that," he said with a smirk and a wink, before he went serious. "I meant this afternoon. You hated it and you were uncomfortable."

"Well, I can't really say I enjoyed that, no. I mean, fuck!" I replied frustrated, and pulled away from him, rolling to my side and turning my back to him.

"Jasper, Jay, it's okay. I don't expect you to do it again, love" he whispered as he leaned over me and rested his chin on my shoulder. I turned my head to look at him. He looked so fucking adorable with his lip all pouty, that I immediately forgot my shame and smiled up at him.

"It's just that, the gagging and shit, that was just- And my lips are still sore from covering my teeth with them. And your fucking cum in my eye. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing, Edward!" I explained, and he lay back, pulling me with him so my head rested on his chest. He slid his arms around me and played with the hair on my neck while I relaxed against him.

"I know, babe, I do. I wished I had known then, I could've made it good for you, too," he sighed and pulled me a little tighter.

"I could try again?" I asked more than stated, my hand already trailing to his still hard cock.

He grabbed my wrist and stopped it from reaching his boxer briefs.

"No, babe, not tonight. Just relax and let me hold you," he said, and placed a kiss on the top of my head.

I worried for a moment about the reason he didn't want me to do it again, but lost all train of thought when he traced my side and hips with his hand and grabbed on to my leg. He slowly pulled it up and over his waist and rubbed his fingers over my skin in soothing circles just above my knee.

I only rolled away from him for a moment to flick off the light before I nestled back against him and drifted off into a deep, comforting sleep.

Sunday rolled by in a flash as Rose, me, Claudia and Edward went on a sightseeing spree. I was amazed by the city I had lived in for my entire life! We did the Universal Studios tour, walked the Walk of Fame down Hollywood Boulevard, and had lunch on the beach.

After that –– yes, we did that all in one morning –– Rosalie went crazy on Rodeo Drive. Mostly, Edward and I just rolled our eyes at each other as Rose pushed us to try on every single item of clothing. In the end, she got us to buy some things as well. I really didn't need anything, but decided it best to humor her and get her off my back.

The best part of the afternoon was when Rosalie decided we needed to go out to dinner together, cocktail style. Claudia backed away immediately, saying she had nothing to wear. We all chuckled as we could see a light bulb come on in Rose's head, and she practically dragged the poor woman into a Louis Vuitton store.

Two hours of watching Claudia try on dress after dress later, we all decided on a tasteful pink dress with a slim, white belt. It looked wonderful on her, graceful to her years and beauty.

While the girls went and got a pair of matching heels, Edward and I sneaked into Cartier and bought the both of them delicate white gold bracelets with an inlay of multiple modest and classy diamonds.

With a lot of effort, I managed to keep from glaring at the beautiful wedding rings the store had on display. This wasn't the time to be dreaming about that kind of a future for me and Edward; it hadn't even been a week since he showed up at the airport. But secretly I wanted it –– the living together, the getting married, the having children and the growing old. I wanted it all and I wanted it together with him.

Back in my apartment, we got changed and I called us a cab to bring us to the restaurant. Luckily, my name still opened some doors, as the place was usually booked three months in advance.

I nervously looked at myself in the hallway mirror and made sure there were no wrinkles on my suit. It was the best suit I owned, black and full-fashioned. Underneath I wore a light grey shirt with a dark grey tie. They lady who sold it to me told me it brought out the blue in my eyes. I just hoped that Edward thought I looked good in it.

A door opened and I quickly spun around to see Rose and Claudia emerge from the spare bedroom. Claudia looked stunning in her new outfit, complete with golden open-toed high heels. Rosalie, well, she looked awesome in a strapless, dark blue velvet with lighter blue satin dress. If she wasn't my sister and I wasn't gay, damn!

I kissed both their cheeks and took a step back to admire them. "Ladies, you look amazing! Watch out, LA!"

"Aw, Jazz, thank you," Rose replied, blushing. "You don't look so bad yourself."

"No, he most certainly doesn't," a deep voice said from behind me in an oh-so-sexy British accent. Just the sound of it made me weak in the knees again, and I had to compose myself for a second before I turned around.

And was I glad I took that moment, because I might have passed out if I hadn't. He was wearing light grey pants and a vest with a white shirt and a black tie. And fuck me if it didn't look incredibly good on him. He had his jacket hanging from his finger over his shoulder, which made him look like he walked in straight from a catwalk. I had to consciously close my mouth to stop from drooling.

"You, ehm," I tried, but my mouth was dry and the sound of my voice was hoarse and raspy. I cleared my throat and swallowed hard. "You look, oh, wow," I continued while I took a step towards him. He chuckled lightly and slid his free hand around my waist. With a cocky smile, he leaned in and brushed his lips over mine.

"I'll take that as a compliment," he said and turned towards the girls without letting go of me. Taking Claudia's hand, he pressed his lips against it. "Why, Ms Burns, you look absolutely astonishing," he said, making her blush and giggle like a young girl.

I laughed and rubbed my hand over his back. He turned his attention to Rose; after kissing her hand as well, he raised it above their heads and made her twirl.

"Oh my," he said. "I'm having second thoughts about marrying you."

With that comment, I poked him in his side roughly and pulled him away from my sister. "That's not funny," I said when he smirked at me.

"Oh, yes it is," he replied.

Before I could retort, the buzzer went off, alerting us that the cab was ready. I offered Claudia my arm while Edward did the same with Rose, and together we made our way to the elevator.

"Wait!" I called as we got in, and pulled two beautifully wrapped boxes from my pocket. "Edward and I bought you these," I said as I gave the boxes to the girls.

"Oh, no, you didn't!" Claudia squealed as she carefully unwrapped the bracelet. Her hand was slightly shaking when she took it from the cream velvet and held it up. "My God, Jasper, Edward, it's-" she said and looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I took it from her and fastened it around her wrist.

She ran her finger over the delicate metal and kissed my cheek. "Thank you, dear. It's beautiful," she said. "You as well, Edward," she added as she took his hand and pulled him into a warm hug.

Rose watched her before opening her own box and letting Edward help her fasten the bracelet.

"Isn't this the best way to get diamonds?" she laughed. "Usually, you have to worry about a man's intentions when he gives you something like this."

"Oh, I don't remember you being very worried the last time you got a diamond from a guy," Edward chuckled.

"No, because you were the one giving me that diamond and I knew full well what your intentions were!" she replied while slapping his ass.

I laughed at their antics, happy to have them both in my life. Claudia grinned at me and slid her arm back through mine. We exited the elevator and walked through the lobby to the waiting cabby, who eyed us all appreciatively.

"Good evening, ladies, gentlemen," he said, and opened the car door for Claudia.

Once the girls and Edward were in the back seat, I took off my jacket and sat down next to the driver. He drove us to the restaurant, and took great care of helping Claudia out of the car. He even threw her a wink, and I could swear I saw her blush for a second.

Once inside the restaurant, I confidently walked up to the hostess and threw her a wide, dimpled smile. "Good evening, I have a reservation under Whitlock," I said and the woman pressed a few buttons on her PDA.

"Yes, J. Whitlock, I have you here for a table for two?" she asked me, as she uncertainly eyed the three people behind me.

"Well, no, I made reservations for four," I replied, furrowing my brow.

She returned her attention to the PDA again and pressed another dozen buttons until a smile spread over her face. "Ah, yes, another reservation for Whitlock. Jasper Whitlock?" she asked and I nodded, a sense of dread coming over me. It could always be a coincidence, but I feared the other reservation was for my adoptive parents. I really didn't want James and Victoria to ruin this wonderful day.

"All right, will you follow me?" the hostess asked, breaking the train of thought going on in my head.

"Excuse me," I said, holding up my hand to stop her. "J. Whitlock, might that be James Whitlock? And his wife, Victoria?" I asked.

"I-I'm not sure, I'd have to check. Why?" she replied.

Before I could answer, I felt Edward's hand against the small of my back and I immediately felt most of my tension flow out of me.

"Is there a problem, love?" he asked me, while rubbing small circles against my back with his thumb.

"No," I answered, "no problem. Just-" I paused. Edward raised an eyebrow in question but kept silent. "James and Victoria might have a reservation here as well."

He took my hand and stared into my eyes, effectively calming the last of my nerves. "Jay, they won't be sitting at the same table. If they are here, we will just pretend they aren't, okay?" he said and smiled reassuringly.

I sighed and nodded, turning back to the hostess who was still waiting to take us to our table. I flashed my dimples at her again and gestured her to guide us inside.

We sat down with Rose sitting next to me and Edward across the table. I didn't need to look at the menu, as I chose this restaurant for their exquisite veal escalope with Portobello mushrooms. However, the others weren't as familiar with the restaurant's menu as I was. While they went through the different dishes, I let my eyes wander, secretly checking to see if they were there. I felt relieved when I didn't spot either of them.

Once we all ordered and Rose decided the waiter had had enough time to flirt with her, we fell into easy conversation. We discussed all the differences between LA and London, coming dangerously close to an outright competition. So far London was in the lead with age and beauty, but LA made up for that generously with the ever-shining sun.

Rose was just starting on the whole coffee versus tea issue again, when I felt the hairs in the back of my neck raise and a cold shiver ran down my spine. It felt like someone walked over my grave and spat on it. I knew it was them before I even heard her emotionless voice.

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**I'd love to hear what you thought about the chapter! :D**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey everyone!**

**Soooooooooooo, I'm glad to be updating, though that DOES mean I'll have to write my ass off this week to get the next chapter to you on time!  
Yeah, I've run out of ready written chapters... :(**

**But I'm very happy to say that I still have Loopylou992 and KGQ to kick my ass into gear when I'm slacking! So thank you ladies, for being awesome prereaders!**

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**One more thing before we get to the next chapter: I didn't wake up Stephanie Meyer this morning. I'm kind of happy about that, but this however means I still don't own Twilight!**

**Happy readin'!**

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"Good evening, Jasper," she said, and small goose bumps rose all over my body. Rose laid her hand over mine on the table, throwing me a comforting smile. I swallowed hard and turned my head to face Victoria.

"Good evening, Victoria," I answered, feeling weird as her name passed my lips. We had never been a warm family, but in the past, I always called her mother.

As if reading my inner thoughts, she cocked an eyebrow at me and retorted; "Victoria? What happened to 'Mother'? Have you lost your manners in the last few months?" she asked, and narrowed her eyes at my hand, still grasped tightly by Rose's. "Is there any particular reason you did not even give your mother a call since the last time we spoke?"

I could feel anger course through my veins as I bit back the snide remark ready on my tongue. Instead, I tried––but failed––to answer her in a light tone. "I thought you made it abundantly clear then that I'm not, in fact, your son."

"Nonsense," she replied. "You were confused, but I can see that you've come to your senses." She gestured at the connection between me and Rose. "Well? Aren't you going to introduce me to your guests?" she asked eagerly.

"Of course," I said dryly as I stood up. "Rose, meet my adoptive mother, Victoria Whitlock. _Victoria_," I emphasized her name," this is my twin sister, Rosalie Warren." Her eyes snapped back to mine as she took Rose's hand and shook it weakly.

"Sister?" she asked, barely audible.

"Yes, my _twin _sister," I replied. I then gestured to Claudia. "Claudia Burns, I believe you had the pleasure of meeting a few years back," I continued. "And last, but definitely not least, Edward Cullen, my boyfriend."

I stood proud and beaming while I called him my boyfriend. I heard her surprised and annoyed gasp, but I didn't care. As I stared deep into his eyes as he did in mine, all the hurt I had felt at Victoria's rejection fell away.

"How dare you!" James whisper-yelled. He had been quiet so far, but no longer. His face looked like it was about to explode; red and bloated, while the vein on his forehead was throbbing dangerously. "You're here to spite us, to humiliate us! You need to leave before people see you and your disgusting life choices!"

Edward threw down his napkin and started to stand up, Rose beside me was shaking in anger and Claudia stared at my adoptive father with hatred in her eyes. _This_ was my family. These were the people who cared for me and would jump the barricades to defend me whenever I needed them to. But this was not that time. I was perfectly able to stand up to my adoptive parents now, without illusions clouding my mind, or the unrealistic hope that they would ever love me. I held up my hand to stop Edward from interfering and he reluctantly sat back down.

"No," I replied to James, "I'm not here to spite you. I'm here to enjoy the fine cuisine with the people I care about. And no, I will not leave. I have every right to be here, and seeing as you are the ones with the problem, I suggest you are the ones who should leave." Victoria opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off. "Now, if you'll excuse us, it seems like the waiter has been waiting for some time to serve us our appetizers. Have a good evening, James, Victoria," I added, as I nodded my head at them and sat down. I gave them no more of my attention as James led a sputtering and softly cursing Victoria away from us.

I felt Edward's leg graze my shin, and he reached out his hand across the table. As I took it in mine, I looked up into his eyes. I realized I was slightly shaking. It may have been the adrenaline, but I couldn't help but think that they didn't leave me entirely unaffected. "I love you," Edward mouthed, and I smiled genuinely at him in reply. Yes, these were the people that were important to me, right here, sitting at this table.

The rest of the dinner went well, I didn't even check to see if Victoria and James had actually left. I was a bit more quiet than usual though, and Edward seemed to notice. Once we dropped off Claudia, and Rosalie retreated to the guestroom, he took my hand and pulled me down on the couch next to him.

"Talk to me, Jazz," he said, as he rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb. I knew he cared and really wanted to know what I was feeling, but I didn't know how to explain it. The thing was; I didn't have a clue what I was feeling. Back in the restaurant, with them standing in front of me, rejecting me all over again, I felt indifferent to them. Their conditional acceptance had angered me and I'd felt brave and strong. After they left, well, I didn't know.

"I don't know what to say, Edward," I started. "I know I shouldn't care how they feel, I shouldn't care about them, but-"

I sighed and pulled my hand away from him, averting my eyes.

"Jasper, look at me," he said in a commanding tone. I didn't respond, just stared at the floor instead. He reached out his hand and took hold of my chin, tenderly forcing it up so I'd face him. I closed my eyes in attempt to hide my pain.

The sound that left his throat next was a mixture of a groan and a whimper, but they were the words that followed that made me snap open my eyes and look at him. "Jazz, love, please look at me. Let me in, please just let me in," he pleaded.

"I just don't know, Edward," I finally said. "I don't think that I actually want them in my life or anything, but they were my parents, you know? They should fucking love me, whatever happens. And it just feels, I don't know, lonely or something, you know?"

He skidded closer to me and took me in his arms, nuzzling the crook of my neck as his quiet and calm voice soothed me. "I know, love, I know," he replied, and I melted into his embrace. Even though the whole thing still bothered me, the loneliness I felt all but disappeared with him close to me. I really didn't need any parents. I didn't need _anyone_ who couldn't accept me for who I was, because _he_ loved me.

When I woke up in the morning, I took a moment to just lay there, eyes closed, snuggling my pillow. My slumber had been filled with a wonderful dream and I wasn't ready to let go yet. I'd finally found my utopia when Edward told me he wouldn't be leaving; he'd stay, here with me in LA. There was nothing I wanted more than him staying and I knew that bubble would burst as soon as I opened my eyes.

When the drowsy fogginess left my mind and it was getting harder to hold on to the dreamy consciousness, I slowly opened my eyes. My bedroom was flooding with a soft but bright light, making me shutter my eyelids a couple of times to adjust. Pushing the disappointment of losing my dream to the back of my mind, I rolled over to wrap myself in my lover's warm arms.

He wasn't in the bed anymore, but I couldn't find it in myself to feel sad. His warmth and smell were still there, and I smiled as I buried myself in it. God, I loved him so fucking much that I would just take any part of him I could have. And I did. My mind wandered back to last night.

_After he held me and comforted me, he'd taken me to bed, where he showed me just how much he loved me with every caress of his warm hands and every kiss on my sensitive skin. He was so gentle, so caring, and so fucking tuned in to what I was comfortable with. He went as far as I wanted, but never further, and I didn't even have to tell him. Better yet, he had me begging for more, begging him to just go ahead and fuck me. But he didn't, as he knew I wasn't really ready._

_The only thing he reluctantly, yet eagerly, let me do, was take him in my mouth again. I couldn't really say that I sucked him off, as I didn't do more than take in his head and lick his shaft. I even took his balls between my lips at some point. They felt really weird and delicate on my tongue, but the moans it coached from his throat made it all worthwhile. I got it now; I got how he was turned on the other night when he had his mouth wrapped around my cock. Last night, when I hadn't been so occupied with worry, I got into the moment. I heard his whimper and groans and my dick swelled to a point where I thought it would burst if I didn't touch it._

_Edward was close as well, and he pulled me up his body and wrapped our cocks together in a spit-slicked hand. With his lips tightly pressed against mine in what could only be described as a heated, devouring kiss, he slowly stroked us to a mind shattering orgasm._

_After we cleaned up, I pressed back against his chest. As he entwined our legs and wrapped his arms around me, I drifted off into a deep sleep._

Stretching my body, I let out a large yawn. I was startled by the sexy voice coming from the doorway. Deep inside my blissful gloom, I never heard the door open in the first place.

"Damn, love," Edward said, "you better close that mouth or I'll shove something in."

My eyes flew open and I saw him smirk and wink. He was holding a tray filled with food, and the robust aroma of my Brazilian blend permeated the room. I moaned appreciatively and skidded up to sit against the headboard of the bed. He carefully sat the tray on my sheet-covered legs and slid in between the sheets next to me.

"Good morning, love," he said, and leaned in to kiss my cheek. I wasn't having it. I knew my breath must have been foul and I worried about that for a fraction of a second, but I wanted more than a peck. He let out a groan when I caught him with my lips and opened his mouth to deepen our kiss. Instead of closing mine over his, I had us barely touching but for our tongues. I could feel his panting breath on my face as I reached out and trailed my fingers over his chest to the happy trail leading underneath the covers.

He slid his hand to the back of my neck and pulled me in closer, making me lose myself in his taste, smell and warmth. I was hard and I wanted him, no, needed him. The rattling of the cups and plates on the tray as I tried to move even closer to him pulled me from my lust induced haze.

He chuckled and pulled back his hand, grazing my cheek with his index finger and wiping a flick of saliva from my bottom lip.

"Hungry?" he asked.

I groaned. "Oh yes," I answered, not sure that his question and my answer were on the same wavelength.

"Eat up!" he said enthusiastically, while reaching over and taking a croissant from the tray.

I groaned again as I saw him eat. _That should fucking be illegal!_

Deciding I'd best not look at him, I took a sip of coffee and closed my eyes. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why Edward and Rosalie preferred their scented water over this. _Fuck! Rosalie!_

"Edward, I'm loving this, I really am. But isn't it a bit selfish of us to have breakfast in bed without Rose?" I asked, sitting up a bit straighter in bed.

He laid his hand on my chest and pushed me back against the pillows. "Relax, Rosalie is out with Claudia. They're having a spa day together. I think they're conspiring to give us more time together, just the two of us," he said calmly. Though, his words didn't calm _me_ at all.

"Shit!" I cried out. Edward cocked his eyebrow questioningly so I elaborated. "I like spending time with you alone. No, scrap that. I _love _spending time with just you, but she's my sister and I love spending time with her as well! You're not the only one that flew across an ocean to see me, and I don't want her to feel like she's intruding."

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed deeply. "Besides that, I really really want to spend time with her as well!" I said in a raised voice. Immediately, I looked at him apologetically. I didn't want him to think I didn't want this.

He took the hand that was still tugging at my hair and kissed the knuckles. "I get it, love. Don't worry. We'll talk to her about it tonight, okay? For now, let's just enjoy this," he said, and took another bite of his croissant.

I moaned at the sight of his lips curling around the soft bread and imagined replacing it with my cock. He could see the lust flaring in my eyes, because he chuckled again and playfully pushed his fist against my face.

"Easy there, tiger," he said. "Food first and you can have me later."

I couldn't help but pout before I reluctantly took a sandwich from the tray. I did my best to eat it in the same sensual way as he ate his food, but I was horribly failing. Okay, to be honest, running my hand down my abs as I moaned didn't seem all that convincing, but Edward's laugh stilled in his throat as I ran it lower and curled my fingers around my length. I think he actually growled, and the tray soon disappeared from my lap. It was replaced by his body, grinding up against my hip.

"Hey!" I yelled. "I'm trying to eat he-"

I couldn't finish my sentence any more, when his mouth attached itself to my throat and his hand took hold of mine over my cock. He squeezed and ran my hand up and down my shaft. His mouth went lower and lower, sucking on my nipple, my abs, my thigh, and finally replacing our hands on my cock. He took me in to the base, and bobbed up and down a few times before he let me go with a pop.

"Jay?" he asked, looking up at me. "Do you trust me?"

I stared into his eyes for a moment. How could he ask me this? Why did he even _have _to ask? Didn't he know that I trusted him more than anyone else in the world? Save for maybe Rose.

When he lowered his eyes with a painful look, a jab shot through my heart. "Yes!" I answered and his gaze met mine again. "Of course I do, don't you know that?"

His smile was bright, but turned dark and lustful fast. "Roll over for me, love," he said, and I couldn't stop myself from doing exactly what he asked. I didn't even want to stop myself. I didn't have a clue what he planned to do, but like I said, I trusted him.

I felt his tongue on my shoulder, just lightly teasing my skin. A shiver shot down my spine as it ran down over my back. His hands massaged my muscles, relaxing me easily. It felt a bit ticklish when his mouth reached the small of my back, but it felt too good to stop him. I just grabbed my pillow tightly in order to endure the sweet torture.

His hands rubbed both my ass cheeks and he planted soft kisses just above my crack. When his hands parted to reveal my entrance to him, I tensed. Yes, I trusted him. Yes, I knew he wasn't going to hurt me. But holy fuck, I wasn't ready to bottom for him. Hell, I wasn't even ready to top.

"Relax, love," he whispered, letting go of my ass and rubbing both my thighs. "Any time you want me to stop, just say the word." I nodded and relieved my muscles from the tension. Immediately, his hands were back on my ass, parting my cheeks slowly.

And oh my fucking God! All rational train of thought left my head as his tongue slid down my crack and over my hole, all the way down to the base of my cock. My heavily leaking cock, at that. He pulled his face away from me for a second before he was back. His nose buried between my cheeks, where I could hear him inhale deeply.

"God, Jay, you smell so fucking sexy!" Edward groaned. Then his tongue made its way back to my hole, though this time from my cock upwards. He stopped once he reached it and teased the surrounding skin with short licks.

Moaning and whimpering, I was desperate for more. "You like that, Jasper?" he asked, but I couldn't answer. Instead, I grunted and pushed my ass up against his hands. When he chuckled, I growled and he slapped my ass cheek softly, making me moan even louder.

He grabbed my hips and pulled me back on my knees, my chest still flush against the bed. It took him no time at all to return his tongue exactly where I wanted it, and when he pressed against my tight muscle I was done for. Without caring, I pushed back against him, forcing him to inch deeper.

He changed position, spreading my cheeks with one hand while the other trailed down to my balls, his mouth never leaving my hole. He rolled them around while he slowly started fucking me with his tongue. I knew I was going to come as soon as my cock got some friction, any friction at all, and I didn't want that.

His hand reached between my legs, but I swatted it away immediately. I wanted more. I really didn't want this to ever stop. He grabbed the back of my thigh, his thumb rubbing circles on the sensitive skin only inches from the base of my cock. The feeling was torturous and I was in full sensory overload.

When he reached for my cock again, I didn't stop him, and it only took him three firm strokes before I was spilling my release in strong streaks all over the sheets.

I rode out my orgasm as he stroked me slowly and licked my hole a few more times. Once the last drop of cum left my body, I collapsed to my side. He lay down beside me with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. I wanted to shove him for it, but I could forgive him the smirk with the orgasm I just had.

"Damn it, Ed," I said exasperated. "Are you trying to kill me?" I was sure that orgasms like this would lead to heart failure, as I was positive that my heart had actually stopped beating for a couple of seconds. Oh, and high blood pressure if you thought back on them later.

His smile just widened as he leaned in. "That is definitely not what I was going for," he answered, and kissed me. He tasted differently, and it was a bit weird at first while I was thinking about it. His tongue had been in my ass only minutes ago and now it was in my mouth. Though, if he was willing to stick it in my ass, I might as well be willing to kiss him right after, right?

Once I somewhat got myself together, I pulled away from him. "Shower," I said, and ran a finger up his still hard and leaking cock. He was up in a second, and took my hand as he led me out of the room.

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**Hope you liked it! Please let me know! :D**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey there, everyone!  
It's been a while, I know! I kind of went into the deep end when fate decided my real life was going to well... It's bound to happen at times.**

**BUT! Now that my muse has kindly shown her face again and depressing issues are somewhat worked through, I plan on going back to my weekly updates! (Not making any lasting promises as of yet, because my muse is still looking somewhat skiddish and might run off with KGQ's again if I don't get her to relax!)**

**On that same note, I've started working on the outtake, but it might take a while longer!**

**Many many thanks to my lovely pre-readers KGQ and Loopylou992! You two are amazing as always!**

**A lot of thanks to Harrytwifan aswell as her fast as a lightbolt betaing made me able to update today!**

**IMPORTANT NOTE: I will be donating a O/S to STANDUP4KATALINA! Aside from being able to read it before anyone else does, this is a great cause to spend your money on! And I'm not to good to beg, so please at least consider it! :)  
(If you don't know where you can check it out, just PM me if interested)**

******Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

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"What does it say?" I asked him, while he was lazily drying the drops of water that ran past his tattoo.

"Hmmm?" he replied, turning around. His eyebrow was cocked in question.

"Your tattoo," I explained. "What does it mean?"

He let go of one side of the towel and threw it to the side while he closed the space between us. "Ego sum qui sum," he said softly, "I am who I am."

With a quick peck to my forehead, he turned to the sink and picked up a razor. I could see the hurt in his eyes when he took a deep breath.

"It means that I accept the person I am today," he continued. "I will not look back and regret the mistakes of my past, nor will I try to be who other people want me to be. I am who I am, nothing less, nothing more."

Our eyes met in the mirror and what I saw there made my heart ache. Sadness that I knew so very well, the same sadness I felt over everything that happened with Carmen, my mother and even James and Victoria.

I walked up to him and laid my hand on his waist before I kissed his upper back where the Latin words were inked into his skin. "I happen to like who you are," I whispered, laying my cheek between his shoulder blades, while I slid my hands around him and rested them on his chest.

He took my hands in his and brought one up to his lips to kiss it, while the other was pressed tightly to the skin over his heart. "I love you," he said and kissed my hand again.

After lingering in our connection for another minute or so, Edward pulled away and turned around. "What do you want to do today?" he asked, running his thumb over my collarbone.

"Well," I replied. "I really want you to meet someone."

The smile on my lips echoed in his eyes when he noticed my excitement. "Who?" he asked, and I grinned even wider.

"The brightest young girl on the planet!" I told him. "Do you want to? Or would you rather hang out here?"

He kissed my forehead and nuzzled my hair, moaning when he ran his fingers through my wet curls. "Is she important to you?"

"Yeah," I whispered, hoping he'd want to go with me and meet Bree.

"Then I'd love to meet her," he said, and pulled me into a kiss that made my knees buckle.

Damn it! How did he do that? Seriously, it only took him a look, or a touch, or a kiss, and I'd be drooling and melting at his feet. And then the things he did to my body while I was all melted and drooling. Don't get me wrong; being a virgin doesn't mean I never had an orgasm. But damn, I never had an orgasm like _that _before!

I just hoped with all my being that Edward didn't feel disappointed by my own skills.

"Stop," he said, while pulling away. I looked at him in confusion and saw the corner of his mouth pull up in a half smile. "Don't even try and deny you were worrying," he said sternly, and I lowered my gaze.

"Sorry," I replied, but he lifted my head with a finger under my chin and placed a soft kiss on my swollen lips.

"Don't apologize," he whispered. "I get it, but I want you to know that there's no need to worry with me. I love you, Jasper, and nothing is going to change that, okay?"

I nodded and kissed him back, not sure I could trust my voice at that moment. It was hard to hold back the tears, though these weren't sad tears at all; they were happy tears. I was having a hard time believing that life could be this good. Surely something would happen; surely something would go wrong. What was the catch?

There hadn't been many things I could count on in my life, just pain and the knowledge that I would fuck up every good thing that ever happened to me. How long would I get to keep this? How long before everything fell apart again?

Could I really truly trust that things had changed for me?

I decided that I would wait and see. If this was the start of forever, that would be great; but if things came crashing down, I'd be prepared. For now I would just enjoy myself, and make sure I didn't get in too deep.

There was going to be a catch, and I was going to be ready for it.

.

Edward was sitting uncomfortably on the couch beside me, fumbling with his hands as Bree looked at him scrutinizingly. Mrs. Tanner was once again relaying the story of me saving her daughter's life, with excitement, and to my humiliation, a lot of exaggeration. I rolled my eyes at him and he smiled hesitantly.

"So, Edward," Mrs. Tanner said, and my man sat up straight, giving her his full attention. "What do you do for a living?"

"I, uhm, I'm a chiropractor," he stumbled, and I raised an eyebrow. I had never seen Edward so nervous in my life and I didn't understand why he would be. He was even drinking coffee. He hated coffee. Well, it was more like he was holding his mug, running his thumb up and down the handle.

"So you make a decent living for yourself?" she asked, making me spin my head to look at her. What the hell?

"Uhm, yes," Edward answered and quickly took a mouthful of coffee, wincing at the taste.

"Just making sure you're not dating our Jasper here for his money," she explained while shrugging.

Coffee nearly shot out through his nose and my eyes shot wide open. "Mrs. Tanner!" I almost yelled, but she waved my objection away with her hand.

"Just looking out for you, sweetie," she said. "You're family now."

My eyes watered and she stood up to make her way to the kitchen. "I sure feel like I'm meeting the parents," Edward mumbled beside me, shifting on the couch again.

Bree hadn't said much yet, and I was beginning to think that this visit was a really bad idea.

"Sorry," I muttered and stood up. Edward looked up at me with pleading eyes, but I really needed a minute and rushed to the bathroom.

I quickly relieved myself. After washing my hands, I took a moment to just breathe. Why? Why was this all going so horribly? I thought the Tanners would love Edward. I mean, why wouldn't they? He was the perfect man!

Instead, Mrs. Tanner pretended he was a criminal, while Bree was just glaring at him. And Edward? Edward looked like he was about to board the first plane back to England without stopping to say goodbye.

"Fuck!" I cursed under my breath. What the hell was going so wrong?

Leaning up against the door, I tried to get my heart to slow down. Half an hour more, then it wouldn't be rude to leave, right?

I made my way back to the living room, but stopped in my tracks when I heard Bree's voice.

"So, are you planning on moving here?" she asked, and my heart started beating wildly in my chest.

"I get why you would want to ask that," Edward replied. "But I really don't think I should discuss this with you before I talk about that with Jasper."

The silence that followed was a heavy one and I decided to go back in. When my hand reached out for the door handle, Bree asked a new question.

"So, that's a no then?"

"It's neither a no nor a yes," Edward answered calmly. "I love him, but we've only been together for four days. We've hardly had time to figure out if we truly work as a couple, let alone find basis for life altering decisions. And again, this is a conversation I should have with Jasper, _when _the time is right."

"Y-you love him?" Bree asked in a small voice. "I mean, you're not just using him for sex or something?"

Edward's deep and amused laugh warmed my heart.

"I do not make a habit of traveling half the world for sex or something, Bree. Whatever made you ask that?"

Edward voice my own question spot-on. Why were they being like this?

"Well, Jasper only mentioned you once, and I don't think he even meant to. He was hurting," Bree explained. "I asked and he said you hated him."

"He was wrong," Edward simply stated.

"Okay," Bree said.

"Okay," he replied.

I finally understood. The cold treatment, the accusatory questions, and even Bree's initial silence. It was my own damned fault. I just never realized they would be this protective of me.

I walked in at the same time Mrs. Tanner came through the door to the kitchen and I shot Edward an apologetic smile. He slightly grinned and reached out his hand, which I took as I sat down, weaving our fingers together.

I looked up at Bree and raised my eyebrow questioningly.

"We're good," she said, gesturing between herself and my man.

I continued staring at her, to show her I didn't want them bugging Edward any longer. She rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Stop looking at me like that!" she said. "Like mom said, you're family now. And we're good, so let it go."

I narrowed my eyes for a second before I turned my attention to Edward, who was lightly squeezing my hand.

"It's okay, Jay," he said. "I'm glad you have people looking out for you like that. Other than me and Rose."

"And Claudia," I mumbled while averting my eyes. "Don't forget about Claudia. You all pretend like I'm a five year old."

"Hey, look at me," he said and raised my chin with a finger. He waited for me to meet his eyes before he continued. "You really feel that way?"

I nodded and hurt flashed his eyes. "Okay, we're going to talk about that later, this isn't the time. But trust me when I say I do not think you're a five year old, love."

I let my gaze drift, not sure how to respond to that. Luckily, Mrs Tanner took that moment to ask who wanted more coffee.

"Sure," Edward said and offered up his mug.

I punched him in the shoulder and smiled. "You hate coffee," I said, and he blushed when Mrs. Tanner raised her eyebrow.

"Anything else I can get for you, Edward?" she asked him and stood up. "Tea, maybe?"

I stifled a snort at the look on his face. "I'm sure he'd rather have a soda or some juice, actually," I said. "He thinks our tea is made from garden waste."

Mrs Tanner laughed. "I'm sure he does. Luckily, my brother brought some amazing Darjeeling tea back from India. I hope it'll be to your satisfaction, honey."

Edward gave her a thankful smile for what seemed more than just the tea and I let out a relieved sigh. She accepted him. Maybe I hadn't been the only one listening at the door.

The uncomfortable tension from earlier shifted to a warm and pleasant conversation as the afternoon stretched on. By the time we left, both Mrs Tanner and Bree hugged me and Edward, telling us we should visit again soon.

.

The car ride home was tense, for lack of a better word. Edward kept glancing my way, opening his mouth to say something, before deciding against it. I thought back at what I said about my family treating me like a five year old and cringed.

Yes, it did feel like that sometimes, but not exactly in the way it came out. It wasn't that they treated me like a child; more like they were handling me with kid gloves. Whenever one of them said something even remotely challenging, they would be tasting the air around me, afraid I would snap or something. They acted like I was about to break down at the slightest comment.

Actually, Edward was doing it right now. He clearly wanted to say something, but he was looking like he was afraid it would turn me into a never ending fit of depression.

I suddenly changed lanes and stopped the car in the emergency lane. He grabbed for the dash as the car swayed and came to a full stop, before looking up at me incredulously.

"Say it," I snapped without really meeting his eyes.

"Say what, exactly?" he asked me tentatively.

"Whatever it is you've been swallowing the past four miles," I replied.

Only when he didn't respond, did I look up. His brows were furrowed in concern and uncertainty, and it annoyed me to no end.

"Say it!" I all but yelled, but still he didn't say anything. "You know, this is exactly what I was talking about. You clearly have something on your mind, but you're holding back. It's like you're expecting me to run off and kill myself if I don't like what you have to say."

I folded my arms over my chest, and tried to hide the pain their distrust in my capabilities caused me behind a shield of anger.

"I don't think that's fair, Jasper," he said calmly and it took a lot to not lash out and hit him. I would never ever hurt him like that, and I wasn't a violent person, but he was pissing me off.

He reached out to touch me and I leaned back as far as I could within the confines of the car, bringing a hurt look to his face.

"Isn't it?" I said harshly and averted my eyes.

"No, it isn't," he answered. "Jasper, please, can we talk about this at home?"

"What's wrong with right now?" I asked and he sighed.

"Fine! Brilliant! Okay, I'm just going to say this," he said and took a deep breath. "I'm not afraid you're going to run off and kill yourself. I'd think you'd come far enough for that possibility to have passed."

"However," he said, raising a finger to stop me as I tried to respond to that. "Right now you're not that altogether balanced."

Again I opened my mouth, to be stopped by his raised finger. "Please let me finish," he said and I nodded in return.

"I didn't mean that as an insult, I was merely stating a fact. You're strong, stronger than you were a few weeks ago, and a lot stronger than you were when you left London, but you still have a lot of insecurities that flare with the slightest misunderstanding. I _am _holding back. I'm acutely aware of it, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing."

He reached out again, and this time I let him lay his hand on my arm. "Jay, I'm in love with you, with everything about you. You are smart, incredibly funny, and you light up my day with your gorgeous smile. I respect you deeply and I think you're a wonderful person. You, however, do not seem to feel the same way."

At that, I couldn't stop myself from responding. "How could you think that?" I asked louder than I should. "I love you too, Edward. I feel all those things for you and much more!"

He chuckled and squeezed my arm, earning himself a piercing glare. "I know you do, love. I wasn't suggesting you do not love me; I'm saying you don't feel that way about yourself yet. And until you do, I'm going to hold back, because I don't want there to be misunderstandings between us. I don't want there to be a reason for you to doubt yourself and every good thing that's happening to you."

I threw him a weak smile, because truthfully I knew he was right.

"Jay, I'd really like for you to feel comfortable in telling me what you're worried about when you're worrying about something, instead of letting it build up beyond reason. I know it's a lot to ask right now, and I'd understand if you can't always manage, but I hope you can trust that I love you enough to not run away."

Again I opened my mouth to respond. How could he even doubt me trusting him?

"Wait, I'll rephrase that," he quickly said. "I hope that you trust yourself to be worthy of me loving you enough to not run away."

His hand moved to my cheek, and he lightly ran his fingers over the edge of my ear. A slight shudder ran down my spine and I leaned in to kiss him. When I pulled back, he smirked.

"You think we can go home now?" he asked. "I'd like to kiss you without a stick between us or cars honking while passing by."

"Yeah," I answered with a sheepish grin.

.

That evening Edward and I made dinner together. It felt good to work so synchronized on something so homey, like we'd been doing it for years. I'd reach out to get a knife from the drawer, only to have him hand it to me with a smile.

Rose came back just as Edward was setting the table, and was all over us with the recitation of her day. She'd been well and truly pampered at the spa, having her nails done, both on her fingers and toes, getting a facial, and gossiping with Claudia about what we would be doing at the same moment. I actually blushed furiously when she asked us if we'd had a good time while waggling her eyebrows.

Edward easily avoided her suggestion by telling her about our day visiting Bree and her mother. I felt slightly embarrassed to not have come up with that solution myself.

"So, Claudia and I thought it would be nice if we did some more shopping together tomorrow?" Rose asked more than said. She was clearly expecting me to respond, but I felt my throat constrict.

I shot a helpless glance at Edward, hoping he'd say he wanted to do something together tomorrow, the three of us, but he just looked at me challengingly. Fuck! I was going to have to do this myself.

"I, erm," I started, but my voice came out all wrong and I quickly shut my mouth again.

"What?" Rose asked and I looked up at Edward again, pleading silently for him to help me. He narrowed his eyes and then focussed his attention on Rose.

"I think Jasper is trying to say that he wants to spend time with you," he said casually.

Rose turned back to me. "Well, I see no problem there. I just thought you two would've liked to have some time together, you know? Just the two of you?"

"We do!" I said quickly. "I mean, I do, but I also want to spend time with my sister."

"I actually do too," Edward said with a smirk and Rose chuckled.

"I didn't know you had a sister," she said. "Or do you want to spend time with me? Or with Jasper? You want to confuse me, don't you?"

Edward pinched her arm and winked at me. "I do," he said.

I laughed as Rose rolled her eyes.

"You do, what?" she demanded while poking Edward.

"I want to spend time with Jay, just the two of us. I want to spend time with you, and I thoroughly enjoy confusing you," he answered.

"I can't believe I almost married you," she said and cocked an eyebrow at me. "You sure you want this idiot?"

"Yeah," I answered seriously. "I'm pretty sure I do."

"Okay," Rose said smiling. "What's the plan for this week?"

"I was hoping we could look into some of those medical programs," I said. "And I have an appointment with Dr. Jones tomorrow morning and another one Friday afternoon."

"How about the beach tomorrow afternoon, medical programs on Wednesday, you two find something to do together on Thursday while I amuse myself, and Jasper and I hide out in his room Friday morning?" Edward said, looking at me suggestively at the last part.

"Sounds good to me," Rose answered and I nodded in agreement.

"Good," he said. "Now let's eat before it all goes cold."

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**I hope to have the next chapter ready soon! And I hope you enjoyed this one!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey everyone!**

**Yeah, updates haven't exactly been very steady lately. I'm sorry about that...  
I am already working on chapter 17, so I hope I'll be able to give you the next update next week, though I'm not promissing..**

**Many many thanks to Loopylou992, kgq and Harrytwifan! You guys are awesome!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!**

* * *

"So," I said awkwardly, "Edward doesn't hate me."

Dr. Jones looked at me intensely over the top of his glasses without speaking. His gaze was so intense it made me blush furiously before his lips curled into a small smile.

"Caught up on that, have you?" he said, without letting me escape his eyes.

More blushing. "Erm, yeah," I muttered.

"So, what effected this astonishing epiphany?" he asked me, seemingly without blinking.

"Oh, you can hold back on the sarcasm," I laughed. "He showed up at the airport with Rose."

Another small smile formed on his lips as he shifted in his chair. "Did he now?" he asked. "I can imagine your reaction."

What was with all this blushing? "I, er," I tried. "Well anyway, we're together now, and I'm happy, so I think we're done here, right?"

"Do you think we're done here, Jasper?" Dr. Jones asked as the smile disappeared from his face. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe I'm a psychotherapist, not a match-maker."

I rolled my eyes. "I know you're not a match-maker, but I feel good. Excellent, actually," I said. "I truly think I'm done with therapy."

"All right," he said, and the tension left my body. "So I guess you no longer have difficulty believing people care for you? No doubts? No annoying insecurities? No?" he continued as I hesitantly shook my head 'no' at every question.

"Great," he said, standing up and reaching out his hand. "I think this is it then. I wish you luck in your love and life, Jasper."

I stood up and shook his hand. When I wanted to pull back he held on, his eyes boring into mine. "One more thing, though," he said. "Tell me three things you like about yourself."

He let go of my hand and stared at me expectantly. I gulped loudly as I wrecked my mind and tried to come up with something fast.

"Kindly sit back down," he said. Before he even stopped talking, I slumped back down in my chair.

"Good," he stated as he sat back down as well. "Now, back to before you so skillfully diverted the topic. How did you feel when you saw Edward at the airport?"

I sighed deeply and sat back up a little straighter. "I don't know," I answered. "Happy, I guess?"

"Right away?" Dr. Jones asked. "You saw him and you flew into his arms, happy as a puppy?"

"Well, not right away," I admitted. "First, I was hurt that Rose would betray me like that. And then he ran over and kissed me, and I was happy."

"All right," the man said. "Your sister's new husband runs up to you and kisses you and you're happy."

"Oh, they didn't get married!" I quickly said. Dr. Jones raised an eyebrow.

"And you knew this before he showed up at the airport?" he asked.

"Well, no," I said. "I was happy when he kissed me, but then I realised what was going on and I thought he was playing me. I kind of freaked into a panic attack and passed out."

"Jasper, listen to me," Dr. Jones said with a sigh. "You're not here to prove to me how great you are doing. You're here to work on your problems, with me as a guide. But you're going to have to _want _to work on your problems."

"I do!" I exclaimed.

"Do you?" Dr. Jones asked. "I mean, do you really?"

"Yes!" I answered quickly.

"Then why do I feel like I have to drag all this out of you?" he asked. "You've been in here for roughly fifteen minutes, and in that time you averted questions, tried to end your therapy, and tried to keep things from me. Have I left something out?"

"I lied," I softly answered. "I do still have insecurities."

"I know," Dr. Jones replied. "The question remains; were you trying to lie to me, or to yourself?"

"To you," I said. "I just- I just didn't want you to know. I mean, this thing with Edward, it should solve my problems, right? I just didn't want you to be disappointed in me."

"I'm not the one judging you, Jasper," the man said. "Why is my not being disappointed so important to you?"

"I don't know," I whispered. "You care about me, I guess. I don't want to lose that. There aren't that many people who care about me, you know?"

I didn't dare look at him while I spoke, and clenched my hands into fists in my lap.

"Yes, Jasper, I care about you," he said. "But-"

My head snapped up to look at him as I quickly interrupted him with a plea. "Don't!"

"Jasper," he said, but I looked away, trying to tune him out.

"Jasper, look at me," he said. I held my breath when I looked back, bracing for the punch he would likely throw out.

"I care about you, Jasper," he said again. "It's my job to care about you. I'm not your friend, I'm not your father, I'm your therapist. Do you understand that?"

I winced before he continued. "I know about you and your problems are safe with me, but you don't know anything about me, and you never will."

I bit my bottom lip as I turned my gaze back to the tree outside. Something inside me was breaking, wrenching, building up and making me nauseous.

"I'm not saying this to hurt you, Jasper," he said, "but I need you to understand this in order to help you. It won't do you any good if you sit there trying to make me proud. You need to be able to be truthful in here, to be able to get angry with me when I push you."

I wanted to hold them back, but I could feel silent tears rolling down my cheeks. It just wasn't fair; he was everything James wasn't. Why couldn't I have that?

"Jasper, listen to me," he said and I looked at him, wiping my face in shame. I wasn't a kid, I was a grown man for God's sake. "You've missed out on a lot of affection in your life, so it's really not that strange for you to feel this way. And there's really nothing wrong with having someone who is a father figure to you. It just can't be me, okay?"

I nodded sadly, wiping more tears with the sleeve of my shirt. He was probably right, and I had to admit that I'd felt different about the man since he gave me the brochures about the medical programs. When he tossed that envelope at me, I felt truly happy, thinking I'd made him proud. No one had ever been proud of me, not really. It was what I'd always wanted from James, and Dr. Jones had given it to me. Was I truly that pathetic? To latch on to anyone who smiled at me?

I'd do anything to get that feeling again. Even now, I wanted to prove to Dr. Jones that I was able to see him as a therapist, and not a father figure. I was hopeless, weak, a failure.

I stared out at the tree again, trying to calm the ache inside me. I was still a fucking child, wanting what he couldn't have. Wanting would just get me hurt, over and over again. No, that tree was better off, not needing anything, content with what it had.

"Jasper, what's going on in that head of yours?" Dr. Jones said. I stayed silent for a while longer, choosing my words carefully.

"It's not worth it," I answered softly, still looking through the window.

"What isn't?" he asked.

"All of it," I replied. "Wishing, hoping, reaching out. As good as it feels when everything is fine, it hurts too much when it all comes crashing down."

"So, you're giving up then?" he asked with a raised eyebrow. "Back to locking yourself up in your apartment and drinking yourself into oblivion?"

I huffed, shaking my head slightly. "I'll be fine. I've managed to be alone for 28 years. I'm not going to be self destructive about it," I bit back.

"So depriving yourself of affection is _not _self-destructive?" Dr. Jones asked. "This isn't just a reaction to what I said, is it?"

"What do you mean?" I snapped.

"You've gained a fair few people who care about you in the last couple of months, people you care about in return," he said. "People who are much more important to you than I could ever be."

"What's your point?" I asked.

"My point is, that if this were just about what I said to you, your reaction wouldn't be this extreme," he said. "Something else is going on here."

I didn't respond. I didn't know how to respond.

"Jasper, what exactly _did _I say to you?" Dr. Jones asked me while leaning back into his chair. "In your own words."

"That's you're not my father, but my therapist, and that it's your job to care," I answered flatly.

"Okay," he said. "And what did that tell you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, whenever someone tells us something, we put meaning behind those words. We fill in blanks, it's natural," he explained. "I tried to explain my reasoning to the best of my abilities, but I'd like to know what meaning you put behind my words."

I plucked at a loose thread in the hem of my shirt while I thought about it. "Well, you have to care, right? I mean, you wouldn't if I wasn't paying you to care. You wouldn't want me around otherwise."

"So, because I cannot have an emotional connection with you due to our roles as a therapist and patient, I wouldn't want one were the situation different," he said. "Do I understand this correctly?"

I nodded in reply and sniffed, my breathing not entirely back to normal.

"Well, why would I? It's not like you're special, are you?" he said, making me cringe. "Of course people could care for you for a little while. I mean, you seem like a pleasant young man at first glance, but once they get to know you..."

I hitched a breath, pain flaring through me with an intensity I couldn't ignore. He didn't stop though.

"Edward and Rose will probably dump you as well, after a while. There's really nothing you can do to stop that. Once the novelty wears off, they'll be back on a plane to London to be never heard from again," he stated. "Am I right?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, again trying to tune him out. Why was he doing this? I already knew that. Why did he have to say it out loud?

"Perhaps you shouldn't get involved too much, Jasper," Dr. Jones said. "Might save you a lot of heartache when they leave. Or maybe you shouldn't try to form any kind of connection with anyone. That way they can't hurt you by leaving you behind."

"Stop it!" I cried out. "I already know that, okay? Just stop it! Please!"

"You make a lot of assumptions from what I say," he said, ignoring my plea. "You might want to run them by me in the future, to see if you're actually right."

"Why? So you can rub it in?" I snapped.

"No, so I can defend myself," he said, confusing me. "I must really hate my job, having to care about all these worthless people. Or maybe I'm just a heartless monster?"

"Of course not!" I replied.

"Jasper, just to be clear. There is absolutely no reason why I wouldn't care about you if you weren't my patient," he said. "What I just voiced isn't what _I _think about you, it's what I think you think about yourself. Was I wrong?"

I shook my head and ran a hand through my hair. "No," I whispered.

"I've got another assignment for you," Dr. Jones said, throwing a little Moleskine at me. I caught it with little difficulty before it could hit me in the face. "I want you to translate what Rose and Edward tell you on paper today, tomorrow and Thursday, and bring it with you on Friday."

I flipped the notebook open and shut again, staring at it, pondering. What was the point? This was never going to work, was it? I was never going to actually be okay.

"Jasper?" Dr. Jones asked. "What are you thinking?"

"It's all a bit pointless, isn't it?" I asked, raising my head to face him, but my eyes still on the little notebook. "I know what it is you want to do with this."

"Enlighten me," he said.

"I'll write down what I think people say, and you'll refute everything I write down," I said.

"That wasn't really my plan, no," he replied.

"Look," I said, finally looking up. "I know they love me, okay? I know they think they won't leave me behind. But why? Why do they love me? What's the price? What's the catch? What the hell do they want from me?"

"You want to know what you have to do to keep them?" Dr. Jones asked, leaning forward in his chair, taking off his glasses and twirling them in his hand.

"Yes!" I cried out. "How can I keep from messing up if I don't know what they expect from me?"

"Why don't you ask them?" he asked. I didn't know, so I kept silent. "I think you should. That way you'll know if it's something you're willing to give."

"That's not even a question," I stated, slumping back into my chair.

"You truly mean that, don't you?" he asked and I just huffed. Didn't he get it? I'd give anything, _do _anything, to keep them.

"And what are your expectations?" he continued. "What do they have to do to keep you?"

I shot him a horrified glance. What the fuck was he talking about? I'd take what I could have, surely he understood that.

"While you're writing in that notebook," he said, "you should write down what happened the night you came out to your parents. Everything you remember being said, how it made you feel, and why you made the decisions you made."

"Why?" I asked suspiciously.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Humor me," he said and folded his hands in his lap. "I'll see you Friday, Jasper. Try to enjoy life this week."

I slapped the little notebook against my palm a few times before I stood up and walked to the door. With my hand on the knob I turned back to him. "Dr. Jones?" I asked, and he glanced over his shoulder. "I don't know if you have kids, but if you do, they're very lucky."

He waved his hand toward his desk, where a tall picture stood with a beautiful woman and a pair of twin boys around fifteen. "I'm fairly sure they disagree," he said and winked.

I nodded once and left.

.

My eyes were still stinging and my head lightly throbbing when Edward and Rose picked me up. I didn't even comment on the fact that she was once again driving _my _car. I didn't say a thing when she made no indication to get out, and meekly got into the backseat.

I caught Edward shooting Rose a worried glance, but ignored it. This was my therapy all right. I'd go in, cry my heart out, feeling relief at the end of the session. But once I left the building, it usually took me a full hour to get some grasp on what was actually said and what that meant.

We drove to Santa Monica and I directed Rose to a parking lot fairly close to the beach. We had some lunch at Makai before finding a spot on the beach. Though to be honest, Edward and Rose had lunch. I merely sat in my seat on the side patio and played with my vegetable sushi roll, watching people go by.

"Jay?" Edward asked. "Did something happen?"

"It's therapy," I grumbled. "Stuff is supposed to happen."

"Yeah," he said thoughtfully. "Though you left this morning with a huge smile on your face, and now you look like someone killed your puppy."

"Never had a puppy," I replied in a flat tone. "Dogs bring nothing but chaos into a house."

Rose clapped her fingers a few inches from my face, practically making me jump in my seat. "Oy!" she called out, turning heads all over the place. "Snap out of it! I get that therapy is hard, and that you spent the morning crying, judging by the color of your eyes, but this isn't healthy. Eat, talk and try and make the slightest effort to acknowledge the fact that your gorgeous boyfriend is sitting next to you. Please?"

"Fine!" I whispered irritably. "We went through the whole 'what earns love' routine again, and he told me I should ask you two what you want from me."

Neither of them replied, but I kept my gaze sternly on the small table in front of me. One hand drummed a faint rhythm, while the other one toyed with the corner of my leather seat.

Edward's hand ran lightly down my arm, making me look up. He threw me a kind but sad smile, squeezing my arm lightly before pulling back his hand. "There's a few things I expect from you, true. You can't guess?"

"S-sex?" I softly stuttered, knowing that our current progress in that department wasn't exactly satisfying to a man like him.

"Well," he said, lightly chuckling, "I cannot say that I mind the physical side of our relationship, but that's more a bonus than a necessity. I wouldn't expect it if you didn't want it."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he stopped me, his cheeks lightly coloring. "Maybe that's not entirely truthful, come to think of it. I _do _expect it. God, you can drive me insane with that cocky smile of yours. The sight of you stretching in the morning, it successfully freezes my mind into a stupor till the moment you get up to use the bathroom. I think you're incredibly attractive and I _want _you."

He sighed deeply and curled his index finger under the side of my jaw, his thumb lightly stroking my cheek as he leaned in a few inches.

"However, I only want to do something with that want, when _you _want it," he said, his eyes pleading me to believe him.

"But what if I never will?" I asked him seriously.

"What?" he asked incredulously, making me cringe. "You mean to say that you did... let me do all those things to you because you thought I expected you to?"

His eyes were burning with anger, but I was confused. "No!" I all but yelled. "I just meant sex. What if I never want it? You know? Real sex."

He raised an eyebrow and a grin played at the corner of his mouth. "Do tell me, Jasper, what exactly wasn't real about the sex we've had?"

I glanced nervously at my sister, who was eyeing us with a mischievous smirk.

"You know what I mean," I hissed at Edward. "Sex, S.E.X. Your cock up my ass, or mine up yours. Actual fucking."

"Oh, I'm not worried about that," he said with a wink. "You'll get there."

"Yeah, but what if I won't?" I pushed.

He rolled his eyes before laying his hand on mine, stopping it from further drumming. "Then we'll just have to stick to all the other things that make you scream out my name," he said in that low voice. "But like I said, I'm not worried."

Squeezing the hand lightly and quickly kissing my cheek, he went on. "Besides, if you ask me what I expect from you, the whole sex thing is maybe fifth or sixth on the list."

My heart started pounding. What else did he want from me? Money? Status? No, he had all those things by himself, he didn't need me for that. Then what?

Edward took pity on me and explained. "I want you to let me be there for you when you need me, even if you're scared. On the same note, I want you to be there for me when _I _need _you. _I want your honesty and fidelity, as I expect you to demand that from me in return. And while I don't expect you to love me, I do expect you to tell me should those feelings ever change. I also expect you to trust me, as long as that trust is deserved. Not blindly, mind you; I expect you to tell me when I'm being an idiot, or when I do something wrong."

He rested his arm on the back rest of our seat and curled a strand of hair from the back of my neck around his finger. His eyes shifted to the top of my head for a second before he found mine again. "I expect you to be a partner, Jasper," he whispered. "Equal, passionate and exclusively. You think you can do that?"

I swallowed thickly and turned my hand on the table underneath the one he was still resting there. Weaving our fingers together, I smiled. "Yeah," I answered. "Yeah, I think I can."

"Good," he replied and kissed the tip of my nose.

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**Hope you liked the chapter!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey everyone!**

**Sorry for the looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong wait! I've had a bit of writer's block going on the past few months and only just gotten back to writing more than 20 words a day...**

**Other than that, I'm still completely fail at review replies... I will get better! I promise!**

**I started working on that EPOV I promised you as a compromise the last time I failed so utterly... So at least that´s something... Right? No? Yes?**

**Well, as for this chapter... I'm not completely happy with it, though when am I ever completely happy with a chapter, and there's quite a lot of actually very unnecessary sex in it... So yeah... Sorry for that...**

**Oh, who am I kidding... You all don't mind a bit of unnecessary sex now and then...**

**So on with it... Twilight still not mine and all that rot... And as I just explained with the sex thing and all, this is definitely not a story to read for anyone younger than me... Though, you are allowed to read it if you are over 18...**

**Harrytwifan, you are the BEST! Thank you so much for the beta!**

* * *

I picked up my fork and stuck a piece of sushi in my mouth.

"May I ask you what you expect of me?" Edward asked, making me inhale some of the bits of rice and sending me into a coughing fit.

Rose chuckled as I desperately tried to breathe, tears in my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. Edward was slapping my back, but honestly, it was more disconcerting than helpful. I held up my hand to make him stop. It took a minute, but when I was finally breathing regularly and my heart stopped panicking its way out of my chest, I returned my focus on my food, trying to ignore Edward's question.

He reached out his hand and stopped me when I was about to bring another bite to my mouth, "Would you tell me?" he asked.

I looked up and met his gaze, unsure of what to say. What _did _I expect of him? Well, I knew what I expected, but I hardly thought it was what he was asking me now. I expected him to grow tired of me, to run when he found out what a loser I really was. I expected him to take what he wanted and try to turn me into something I wasn't. I expected him to treat me like everyone before him treated me, but that wasn't what I wanted. What did I want from him?

"Jay?" he pushed, and I closed my eyes.

"My expectations are so low, I don't think you really want to know," I said, reaching out and grabbing his hand when I heard him inhale to say something. "I could tell you what I hope for?"

His smile was soft and encouraging when I opened my eyes again and some of the tension in my shoulders eased up. I mentally shrugged off my insecurities about telling him and summoned all my courage from the pit of my stomach. _Better know now, before my hopes turn into expectations._

"I mostly want the same things as you do," I said softly. "You know."

He didn't say anything, but urged me to keep talking, by nodding. "Fidelity, honesty, respect, you know? I don't really want to be treated as a child, or someone that's unstable. But if I had to say one thing I really wanted, I'd say I'd want you to make me happy."

I could hear the longing in my own voice and winced when Edward lightly shook his head and smiled sadly.

"You ask for the one thing I couldn't possibly give you," he all but whispered. Rose reached out and squeezed the hand I wasn't holding, turning her eyes on me.

"He's right, Jasper," she said. Her voice was kind, but her tone was resolute. "You two will never work out if you plan on making him responsible for you happiness, honey. There's only one person at this table who is capable of making you happy. I'm sorry, but that's a thing you have to do yourself."

"I don't understand," I replied. "He's already making me happy. I'm happier than I've ever been."

The smile on Edward's lips changed into a goofy half-grin and his eyes sparkled when he looked up at me. "Honestly, Jasper, that's all you. You're the one that's slowly but steadily letting me in. I'd love to take the credit, but-" He chuckled sadly again. "Actually, I wouldn't. That's too much power for anyone to wield, really."

He pulled his hand from Rose's grasp and lay it on top of the hand I was holding his other with. He waited for me to look up at him and when I did, the intensity of his stare frightened me a little.

"You want to know what my biggest wish is for you?" he asked, and I nodded uncertainly. "Well, I wish that someday you will be strong and confident enough to look me in the eye and yell."

It must have looked like my eyes were falling out of their sockets from how wide they were, because Edward chuckled before continuing. "Yes, to yell and curse my hide off because you're angry. Not out of insecurity, or in a need to push me away before I push you away, but because I did something really stupid, or because you don't agree with me on something important. And at that time, I will be a complete arsehole, and say something that would hurt you. And I'll probably say it because I secretly know you're right, but I don't want you to be, so I lash out, you know?"

I nodded in understanding, but truthfully, I didn't have a clue what he was talking about, or what he was getting to.

"Right, so you're yelling, and I'm lashing out, saying something that I know will hurt you, because I don't want to lose the argument and I'm really not perfect. And you, Jasper, you just glare me down and make me feel like I'm five years old. Because at that time, your happiness isn't linked to how I feel about you, it's linked to how you feel about yourself. And you will be confident and happy enough, that even though my stupid and thoughtless remark hurt you, it doesn't change how you see yourself, and you will recognize it for what it is, and demand my apology."

"Oh," I said softly, dropping my gaze to the table, not sure I could ever be that Jasper.

"I can't make you happy, love," Edward whispered, his finger hooking under my chin and forcing me to look him in the eye once more. "But I'd be honored to be part of your happiness for as long as you'll have me."

We just sat there until Rose coughed and we both turned our heads to look at her. She was stroking the bracelet Edward and I got her and looked haughty. "As for me," she said. "Just keep buying me pretty things and you can be my brother."

My mouth opened in shock and I simply stared at her, unable to say a word.

She grinned evilly and stuck up her hand to high-five Edward over the table, who didn't respond. "Just look at his face! Priceless!"

"Bitch," I hissed, and Rose laughed even harder. "Some sister you are."

"Hey, this is what big sisters_ do_!" she explained between chuckles. "It's my birthright to tease you endlessly and be forgiven unconditionally."

"Excuse me?" I said. "What makes you the big sister? We're exactly the same age!"

"Well, one of us is bound to have been born before the other, and I'm calling dibs on the elder sibling status!" she responded.

"That's not how it works, you know?" I said. "I'm most likely to be the eldest. After nine months, I was probably clawing my way out of that womb to get away from you."

"Oy!" Rose called and lunged over the table to hit my shoulder, only to knock her soda off and spray herself with sticky liquid.

"Harm watch, harm catch," Edward said while grinning widely.

"Oh, you being a smartass now?" Rose asked Edward with narrowed eyes. "Here's one for you; silence is golden."

Edward shrugged, as if saying 'What's your point?'

"Only I've always been more of a silver girl, and I've got a loooooooooot of dirt on you, Edward Cullen," she said.

"You hear that, Jay? Rose is more of a silver girl. Good to know if you have to keep on buying her pretty things," he chuckled.

"So you won't mind me telling my brother here about the time you convinced yourself that Jimmy Royles was gay?" she said while studying her fingernails. "It was so funny, you're going to love this story, Jasper. Edward was-"

"Fine!" Edward said. "Name your price."

"Daaaaarling," Rose purred. "I'd never _ever _blackmail you into giving me something."

"Rose," Edward said warningly.

"I get to drive your car whenever I want, and your secrets are safe with me," she replied, looking all business and gloating.

Edward got up and kissed the side of my forehead. "Enjoy your story, love," he said. "I'll be right back."

I snorted when I saw the shocked look on Rose's face.

"What?" Edward asked her. "Hey, I don't want him knowing embarrassing stories from my childhood any more than the next person would, but you're not getting anywhere near my car, Rose."

Rose looked even more shocked and mildly insulted. I couldn't help myself––I laughed, loudly and freely, and it felt incredible!

…

The rest of the day went by faster than I really wanted. Rose vehemently refused to go swimming, until Edward just picked her up and dumped her, head first, into the water. She came up sputtering and cursing him a million ways into hell before she tried to get me to help her drown him. The smirk on Edward's face was only half the reward for telling her politely that as a big sister, she wouldn't really need her little brother to help her fight her battles. The other half was the 'Spoilt Princess' pout on Rose's face that would've made Paris Hilton proud.

We returned to my apartment exhilarated and exhausted from both the sun and the salty sea air, so we decided to order Chinese and have an impromptu picnic in the middle of my living room, with an old episode of 'As The World Turns' in the background.

Edward, who was both surprised and horrified to find out I'd been as addicted to the show as Rose apparently had been, made joke after joke, telling me he wasn't aware of this fact when he'd gotten involved with me, and was seriously reconsidering our relationship. He was mostly ignored and shushed, because clearly Rose and I wanted him to shut up, so we could follow a heavy argument between Jack and Carly.

Rose retreated to the guest room fairly early, and Edward snuggled up against me on the floor. I couldn't really say it was comfortable, but I liked having him that close.

When he turned his head and nuzzled my neck, sparks shut up and down my spine and I moaned softly. He chuckled, sliding his hand across my abdomen and snuggling in closer. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feeling, not really caring we were in the middle of my living room.

His hand lowered to my fly and struggled to open the buttons. "Jasper," he whispered in a low sultry tone. Damn, it was so easy for him to turn me into goo. "Jasper, I want you naked," he continued, his voice turning a little whiny.

"Oh, God," I sighed while his long fingers wrestled their way inside my boxers and pushed against my wakening cock.

His mouth latched on to the sensitive skin where my neck met my shoulder and sucked, while his hand did nothing but hold a firm pressure. I couldn't hold my hips still for the life of me and bucked up against his hand as fast and hard as our position would allow.

"Edward, is my Ipod in your bag? I can't find it," Rose's voice cut through my daze and I snapped my head around to look over the back of the couch we were hiding behind. She was standing in the hall, busy searching through that monstrously large handbag of hers, not looking our way.

Moving my gaze back to Edward, he met me with a horrified expression that must've reflected mine, for after a second or two, we burst into laughter.

"What?" Rose called, while Edward managed to tuck me back in and zip me back up.

"Nothing," Edward chuckled and got up. "I think you packed your Ipod into your suitcase, but I'll check mine anyway."

He casually walked to my bedroom with a calm I wished I could muster. "What?" Rose asked again, moving into the room and settling on the couch.

"God, can't we laugh without you having to know everything about it?" I snapped more out of embarrassment than anger. "We don't have to share everything, you know."

"Excuse me," she replied. "I didn't know that whatever you were laughing about on the floor was a big secret! What the hell were you on the floor for anyway?"

I looked away as I felt blood rise to my cheeks, only then realizing I was giving Rose a clear view of the recently formed hickey on my neck.

"Oh, God, I was interrupting something, wasn't I? I'm sorry!"

"Forget it," I groaned, then sighed in relief when Edward walked back in.

"You're right," he said. "You packed it in with my camera. Here you go."

"Thanks," Rose said, taking the Ipod from Edward's hand. "Next time, go somewhere more private, will ya?"

With a wink, she disappeared into the guestroom and I stared after her open-mouthed.

"She's got a point," Edward chuckled and reached out a hand. "Come on."

I took his hand and let him lead me to the bedroom, where he lifted the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. His warm hands were hot against my skin when he ran them up and down my sides. My erection that had waned when confronted with Rose, reared its head and throbbed, making me unable to ignore it.

I grinded my groin against Edward´s thigh, barely keeping in the moan rising up through my chest. He didn't even try to keep quiet, but let out a stuttering gasp as I ran my hand over the bulge in his pants.

"Off," he panted, and started on the buttons of his jeans. I took that moment to get rid of my own jeans.

When I looked back up, my breath caught at the sight of a half undressed Edward, his cock peeking out underneath the hem of his shirt. It would've looked silly if not for the fact that nothing about a scarcely clad Edward could ever be called anything so mundane as silly. I still couldn't believe my luck in having him to myself, the doubts I tried so hard to suppress popping up in the back of my head. _It won't last. He'll grow tired of you. Nobody really wants you for you, Jasper, just get that into your thick skull._

"Stay with me," Edward whispered, and lifted my chin with a single finger for me to meet his gaze. I couldn't understand how he did that, how he could just see through me and know what was going on inside my head like that. I pushed back the doubts to the dark room in the darkest part of my mind, where they belonged, and slammed the door shut on them, hoping they would stay locked away forever. Secretly knowing they wouldn't be.

Here was more real than any place I could ever end up in; now was more important than any 'what if' that could ruin the future. Here and now with Edward was what I wanted to focus on more than anything.

I reached out and pulled him closer by the back of his neck, sliding my free hand under his shirt and up his strong, muscled back. God, he felt so incredible, so hot, so fucking safe. I was mumbling against his neck, but I didn't care, nor realize what I was mumbling as the depth of my emotions tried to overwhelm me.

All I could think was 'love me', 'hold me' and 'never ever let me go'. It took every single part of my being to try and trust that he did and would.

"Shhhhhhhh," he whispered next to my ear. "I'm here, Jazz."

He took me hand again and lead me to the bed, giving me a soft push to get on. Quickly taking of the remaining shirt, he crawled up over me, kissing my thighs, abs and chest. Pulling me to my side, facing him, he ran his fingers lightly over my hip to the cleft of my ass.

"I'm not ready," I said a little panicked. "I'm sorry, but I can't, not yet."

His mouth quirked into a little smile and he held my gaze, his thumb running up and down the cleft without any pressure. "Don't worry, love. Same as before. I won't push you, and if I do anything you don't want, just tell me and I'll stop, okay?"

I nodded and leaned in for another kiss. It was slow and wet and warm. It had me shivering and wanton. I seriously didn't even recognize myself sometimes while I was in his arms. The tight, self-controlled and untrusting Jasper was nowhere to be seen. I didn't have to keep up my ever present mask; I just had to feel and let myself fall freely. Edward would catch me.

He rolled me to my back and kissed down my chest. Damn, a tongue in one's navel should not feel so erotic, but it did and I couldn't help but buck up again. He dragged his tongue lazily down my stomach and over my cock to my balls, taking them in his mouth one by one.

Two hands lifted my legs and pushed them up against my chest, exposing me in a way I wasn't sure I liked. But hell if I cared, when his mouth went even lower, over my perineum and down to the little pucker he'd introduced his tongue to the other day.

His wet teasing was so, so good, and I was a little disappointed when he pulled back. He looked up into my eyes and saw the desperation in them, for he smiled encouragingly.

"I have an idea. Close your eyes, I'll be right back," he said, getting up from the bed.

Confusion took me over when he opened the door to the hallway and walked through it. "Close your eyes, Jazz," he called over his shoulder and I tried, I really did, but damn if I was closing my eyes, naked and vulnerable in a room with an open door.

He came back in with his hand behind his back and closed the door behind him.

"Tsk, tsk, I said 'closed', Jazz," he admonished playfully. "Come on, I'm not going to do anything you should worry about, trust me."

"If I shouldn't be worried, why would you want me to not look?" I said, narrowing my eyes suspiciously.

He sighed heavily. "Because, I think that if you see what I've got behind my back, you'll think it weird, but I promise you, you'll like it."

"Are you sure? You don't sound sure," I answered, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"I'm sure, Jazz. I've tried this myself before and it feels great. It's just a bit- inventive," he said.

I held his gaze a bit longer, before leaning back and closing my eyes. His hands and mouth returned to my body, pushing my legs back up. I managed to let go of my fear of the unknown object Edward brought. It wasn't until I heard a very familiar electric sound that my head shot up and I opened my eyes wide.

"A toothbrush, Edward? What? What's next? Jello sex?" I yelled harder than intended, my gaze instantly flicking to the door, and I strained myself to hear if there was movement in the guest room.

Then something vibrated against my perineum and my eyes rolled to the back of my head, accompanied by a loud moan I couldn't hold in. "Fuck!" I whispered and fell back against the pillows.

Edward chuckled and flicked his tongue next to the spot being stimulated by what must've been the plastic part of the brush head. "Oh, God!" I hissed, reaching my hand up to grab at something, but letting it drop when there wasn't anything to grab on to.

He licked wetly from my perineum to my hole, lubricating the toothbrush's path down and running it lightly over my by now quivering anus. That wet mouth closed around my cock and Edward swallowed me whole.

By now, I was bucking and writhing, my entire being diminished to just my cock and ass by what could only be described as an explosion of pleasure.

Something wet and slick pressed up against my hole next to the vibrating toothbrush, making me tense up a bit. It must've been Edward's finger, and I wasn't sure if I wanted him to stick it inside me. The pressure stopped though, the soft pad just rubbing over my tensed muscle for a while, but as soon as Edward swallowed around the head of my cock again, the finger pressed inside an inch and stayed there.

I panicked, clenching around the minor intrusion and digging my fingers into the sheets. The finger pulled out and I relaxed. It wasn't that it hurt, but I was so scared it was going to hurt if he pressed in further.

Edward's head kept bobbing up and down slowly, keeping me interested, but not really pushing me towards orgasm. The toothbrush slipped to the bed, it's vibrations not letting up and feeling weird against the top of my ass and lower back resting against the sheets. The finger still rubbed against my hole, and Edward's other hand reached out to stroke my stomach.

He hummed, distracting me from the finger again as it inched back inside. Again I started clenching around it, but Edward kept humming and stroking my stomach, encouraging me to relax. It worked, and as soon as I concentrated on his mouth instead of his finger, the panic subsided.

He slowly pushed his finger further in a little and pulling it back, a slide that was much more pleasurable than I could've imagined. I let out a grunty sigh and relaxed further. This wouldn't be so bad. Actually, from what it felt like now, bottoming could feel pretty good.

The hand left my stomach, and a second later, the toothbrush was back. He held it against the rim that closed around his finger, sending the vibrations inside me through his finger. "God, Edward!" I cried, and the bobbing of his head picked up speed and strength.

I was back to bucking and writhing and slowly felt my body reach the point of no return. A toothbrush! Edward was fucking my ass with his finger and the help of a fucking toothbrush!

"Fuck!" I cried, and exploded inside Edward's mouth. Before I even finished coming, he pulled out his finger and pulled away the toothbrush, still swallowing and sucking my cock.

When he sat up, I let my legs fall back to the bad and lay there, panting from exertion. He smiled and lay down beside me, that now familiar self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"A toothbrush, Edward?" I asked a little breathy.

"Well, it's not like I'll be using that brush head to brush my teeth tomorrow," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I should hope not," I answered and chuckled, snuggling in closer to him, before tensing and sitting up.

"Oh, fuck! I didn't even- You- I- I'm sorry!" I said and reached out for his groin, where his cock still lay interested in a bed of curls.

Edward stopped my hand and smiled. "Don't worry, there's always round two as soon as you're up for it. Relax, enjoy your moment."

I did. I leaned back into the pillows and threw him a sated smile. "Later, you know, in round two, can I erm, with my erm?" I said hesitantly, while wriggling my fingers in front of his eyes. "You know, inside you?"

Edward chuckled again. "Of course you can stick your fingers up my arse, Jazz. What am I, a hypocrite?"

I blushed in response and closed my eyes, earning me another round of chuckles.

"You're so bloody cute when you're flustered," he said, and I opened my eyes to throw him my best glare.

"I'm not cute!" I replied sulkily, but snuggled even closer to him anyway.

* * *

**I hope you liked it, and I hope I'll be able to give you a new chapter in 2 weeks... If not... I'm trying as best I can and writing as fast as my imagination will allow... Bear with me, we'll get there in the end!**

**Love,**

**Jules**


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